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  1. #1
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    Default Another daycare issue

    Well not an issue as such, just a follow up from my last thread about my DS 4 getting bitten by another child. So that's all fine, but yesterday I was specifically pulled aside because apparently DS cracked it and threw a tantrum because he asked for the teacher to make him a paper plane, so she said yes, just go and get me some paper, so he went up got the paper in his hand but then cracked it because he wanted help getting the paper and she refused.

    Now I totally get that got school he needs to do these things for himself, we are trying so hard with him at home, we have NEVER had any issues with his behaviour at daycare, he's been going for almost 3 years and has been in 3 different centres. We do have these issues at home, him not wanting to do stuff on his own, eg feeding himself, putting shoes on, undressing, fetching or looking for toys etc, but things at home have drastically improved with all these things. I still help him on occasion because he asks nicely and I know that it's his way of getting my attention and feeling loved. He sees us do all these things for his little brother and there is some jealousy there.

    Anyway yesterday I felt so bad for him because ever since the other child bit him, it honestly feels like they think DS is the problem! I don't actually understand it. I almost feel like they are.... I can't think of the right words, but like blaming him for any issues and making him out to be the bad kid. He's not. Never has been. He's had two minor episodes in 3 years... Now suddenly I'm being pulled aside and told how I have to stop doing things for him at home and that because he wrote one letter of his name at an angle (F) that they have 'concerns' about him. Apparently they were doing names on the board and he got excited saying he could write his name, then they said ok come up and do it, so he went up and then asked for help, to which they apparently helped the first time then he still wanted help again so when they said no he cracked it again.

    He's a bit shy sometimes and he sometimes doesn't want all the attention on him, I'm not surprised he changed his mind while he was up there and wanted help.

    Then they practiced writing his name on paper and apparently he cracked it again saying he couldn't and didn't want to.

    They showed me the writing he did do and it was bloody awesome. I told them he's only been writing his name now and then with chalk for the past 2 months so when he writes the F at an angle I don't correct him because I'm so proud he actually does it in the first place.

    Then all of a sudden, the head of the centre throws in that she think OT would help him which I am not opposed to at all, but then she says 'oh and the place that does the OT is having a parent meeting for kids with ASD'

    Umm well my son doesn't show any signs of having ASD and no one has ever come slightly close to thinking he may have it, so why is she suddenly throwing that around!?

    It just really upset me, it feels like they suddenly have 'all these issues' with DS but in actual fact it's minor stuff and not an ongoing problem at daycare.

    Anyway this is just a vent and I don't know how to handle it.

  2. #2
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    Maybe they've just had a difficult few days with him and this is why they are bringing a few issues to the table?

    I would perhaps ask the director for clarification on why she mentioned ASD. This is not something that should be casually thrown around - if they actually have concerns along those lines they should be completely upfront about it.

    See how you go, but if you don't feel your DS is being treated reasonably and fairly, perhaps look into a change of centre?

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    Gosh that sounds really full on. There are plenty of 4 yo in our centre that can't write their name at all, and most that do are farrrrrr from perfect, angles left right & centre! Is he going to prep next year? If so that could be causing them to panic as they need to have him 'prep ready' etc.

    If it were me I would be asking for a meeting with the group leader, preferably after hours/in a private room. Have written a list of your concerns and talk through them calmly. As PP suggested perhaps they have just had a bad week etc but you shouldn't feel this way regardless. The staff should be supportive and in no way make you feel badly. Take your DH/DP with you if possible, I think it helps to have a second opinion in case it gets a little heated or emotional.

    Changing centres is a big step but I would be trying to address your concerns first - I think it's important children have a stable environment as much as possible. But of course if you have the meeting and still are not satisfied, absolutely shop around for a more caring, supportive centre.

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    Thanks, I just feel so bad for him, the centre leader who brought all this up knows he's seeing a child psych and also knows of a few of the other issues he's trying to overcome.

    He's not going to school next year we are holding him back as think he's not ready.

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    I can't recall your other post, but if your son is cracking it all the time for reasons you have stated, then I am with the centre on this one.

    He asked for help to make a paper plane, not to get the paper, so it wasn't changing his mind so much as him just wanting it done for him. The carer had said yes to helping him...

    And based purely on this- the tantrums over every little thing- I can understand them mentioning ASD.
    It doesn't matter if noone else has mentioned it... not everyone sees the same things.

    ETA: I wouldn't be concerned about the writing for another month or so- but you should be encouraging him to write it properly. I do get the pride at him doing it at all though, but sometimes that can hold them back. Maybe let him do it his way the first time, and then say, "Oh aren't you learning fast, but lets practice our "f" this way" and show him... or similar.
    Last edited by DT75; 08-10-2015 at 11:31.

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    Default Another daycare issue

    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    I can't recall your other post, but if your son is cracking it all the time for reasons you have stated, then I am with the centre on this one.

    He asked for help to make a paper plane, not to get the paper, so it wasn't changing his mind so much as him just wanting it done for him. The carer had said yes to helping him...

    And based purely on this- the tantrums over every little thing- I can understand them mentioning ASD.
    It doesn't matter if noone else has mentioned it... not everyone sees the same things.

    ETA: I wouldn't be concerned about the writing for another month or so- but you should be encouraging him to write it properly. I do get the pride at him doing it at all though, but sometimes that can hold them back. Maybe let him do it his way the first time, and then say, "Oh aren't you learning fast, but lets practice our "f" this way" and show him... or similar.
    Just to clarify, my son does not crack it all the time, especially NOT at daycare. I have not had a single report of him cracking it there. This is the first time it's ever been mentioned by them. In fact, when he was at his worst at home (after his little brother was born and a lot of things changed at home) I specifically asked them a number of times if he has similar behaviour at daycare and they said *no*. They said he was very well behaved and not a problem at all.

    He also doesn't crack it 'all the time' at home, that phased has passed. Things have Changed drastically for the better at home since we have changed a few things. It's only now and then when he's seeking our attention and wants to be 'babied' because his little bro get things done for him.

    ETA: his tantrums are also not over 'every little thing', I didn't say that at all.
    Last edited by SAgirl; 08-10-2015 at 12:38.

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    I would be fuming if these issues were raised with me this way. The child is 4. Kids have bad days and have to be allowed to have them and the carers have to manage that. Sorry I don't think any of this warrants your being told every little thing that happens.

    I agree you need to call a meeting. Is he back there next year or is this the last of it?

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    SAgirl  (08-10-2015),smallpotatoes  (08-10-2015),VicPark  (08-10-2015)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I would be fuming if these issues were raised with me this way. The child is 4. Kids have bad days and have to be allowed to have them and the carers have to manage that. Sorry I don't think any of this warrants your being told every little thing that happens.

    I agree you need to call a meeting. Is he back there next year or is this the last of it?
    Thanks that's how I feel I'm so ****ed off.

    I've enrolled him there next year but I am thinking of moving him again he's never ever been happy there

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    Was he particularly tired?
    He sounds like my sons when they've been burning the candle on both ends.
    It's always with hindsight I see it though.
    My DS2 is really similar to yours when he's feeling low on energy, wants to me mammied and looked after.
    My eldest would have a tanty at the silliest of things.
    I got the talk about it from daycare and even school at one point as it still happens.
    But I know it's just tiredness because when he was smaller after we'd have a problem and I'd give him an earful, I'd find him minutes later fast asleep.
    Cue the mammy guilties then for not spotting it earlier.
    Now when I see him getting easily wound up, I tell him to go to his room and read a book or just lay in bed and have some quiet time away from the rest of us.
    It works a treat.

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  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phony View Post
    Was he particularly tired?
    He sounds like my sons when they've been burning the candle on both ends.
    It's always with hindsight I see it though.
    My DS2 is really similar to yours when he's feeling low on energy, wants to me mammied and looked after.
    My eldest would have a tanty at the silliest of things.
    I got the talk about it from daycare and even school at one point as it still happens.
    But I know it's just tiredness because when he was smaller after we'd have a problem and I'd give him an earful, I'd find him minutes later fast asleep.
    Cue the mammy guilties then for not spotting it earlier.
    Now when I see him getting easily wound up, I tell him to go to his room and read a book or just lay in bed and have some quiet time away from the rest of us.
    It works a treat.
    Thank you! You know what, it's nice to find a mumma who I feel *gets it*.

    DS gets like this when he's tired and also when he doesn't eat enough. Unfortunately for me he refuses to nap anymore. But he also does it when he's hungry or when he is about to get sick (probably feels like **** but no symptoms yet)

    I honestly feel like they just don't understand him. I have specifically asked them where I can see how much he eats at daycare and asked them to encourage him to eat a decent amount, I know that is difficult for them, but I think for certain kids, it's necessary. When I asked the centre manager last time she told me they keep a record of it on their online system that parents can log into, well I looked there and I didn't see it. I never followed it up because we didn't have any issues until now

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