+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16
  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    719
    Thanks
    568
    Thanked
    598
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Wedding 1.5 hours away on day of embryo transfer - what to do?

    Ladies, I need to ask your advice. My EPU is booked for Monday, so all things going well we are aiming for embryo transfer on the following Saturday morning. This will be our first day 5 transfer, and as our previous embryos have pretty much all arrested by this point so there is a very real chance we will have nothing to put back come Saturday. My issue is that I have a wedding to attend that same afternoon/evening in another town. DH will be away for work, so I will need to go to the clinic, either have something transferred or get really disappointing news (alone) and then hop in the car by myself, drive to the other town (1.5 hours), attend wedding and reception and then drive home late at night (1.5 hours again). WHAT SHOULD I DO?! It is the wedding of a very dear friend, and I would SO love to be there, but I’m concerned that if I have just had a transfer I won’t want to be on my feet a lot, dance the night away etc. On the other hand, if I have not had anything transferred, maybe going to the wedding and letting my hair down would be a good thing to stop myself hiding under the doona and ugly-crying (which is what I will do if I stay home)? Or will I be too upset to keep it together at the wedding anyway? Gah! Decisions!


    So I’m thinking my options are:


    • Suck it up and go to wedding regardless, and just try and sit down a lot.
    • Just go up for the ceremony and afternoon tea part, but not stay for the reception (so I can drive home and be in bed at a reasonable hour).
    • Send my apologies for the whole thing and just explain to my friend why I can’t be there (I know she would understand, but I would still feel bad).
    • Something else that I haven’t thought of?


    For all my previous transfers, I’ve just gotten on with life as usual, but this is my 5th stim cycle and I’m at the point of not wanting to do anything in the TWW that I could look back on and question in the event that it doesn’t work out so I'm more hesitant this time.


    What would you do???

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    1,230
    Thanks
    576
    Thanked
    865
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I would go to the wedding and see how I feel. If you are stuggling due to a bad outcome or feeling like you need to rest to protect your embryo just explain to the bride (maybe have a brief chat beforehand so she isn't upset) and head home.

    The only other consideration would be if you will be having any meds at transfer, my FS gives diazepam so driving wouldn't be an option and you'll be super sleepy.

    This cycle I decided to get on with life, working socialising and just being totally normal which is not what I've been like previously. No idea if it's related not but we got out BFP. Even if it didn't help I felt so much more relaxed and getting on with life made the TWW tolerable.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to mummymaybe For This Useful Post:

    MrsChino  (06-10-2015)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    719
    Thanks
    568
    Thanked
    598
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Thanks @mummymaybe I guess I could just play it by ear on the day. I know my friend (the bride) would completely understand if I had to leave, but I would still feel bad if she had paid for me to attend the reception - I remember what my wedding cost and it all adds up! I would also feel really sad to miss her special day just because of my stupid infertility (esp if it doesn't work out and it was all for nothing). But by the same token I don't want to be stressed and thinking 'I should be resting' as I stand in the sun listening to reading after reading, you know? I'm so torn!


    And no drugs for transfer so driving's all good. They just whack it in and I'm on my way! I've always gone directly back to work afterwards and continued (light) exercising, socialising etc during the TWW and it has gotten me nowhere so this time I feel the need to take it a bit easier (since I'm not sure how many more of these we will do).


    Maybe I should just bite the bullet and talk to the bride about my situation and see what she thinks?

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    50
    Thanks
    41
    Thanked
    33
    Reviews
    0
    Ah Mrs Chino! Such a hard decision!
    I don't really have any advice - I have only just started the IVF roller coaster and am just beginning a learn how it makes me feel and how I am able to deal with it. I think we all deal with things in our own ways and you know yourself much better than I do (of course!) (so part of my answer I suppose is trust yourself).

    I think your idea of talking to your friend might be be a good one.

    At least some of your concerns, perhaps a good deal of them, are tied up with how she might feel / not wanting to let her down / wanting to be there for her (which shows what a lovely friend you are btw). Whilst you know intuitively she won't mind what ever decision you make actually hearing her thoughts might help?

    Good luck, and best of best luck with your transfer.

    Ps are you good friends with other people who will be at the ceremony too? That will make things easier, to be amongst friends (rather than strangers) whatever happens at transfer time xx
    Last edited by Grace0908; 06-10-2015 at 13:08.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Grace0908 For This Useful Post:

    MrsChino  (06-10-2015)

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    50
    Thanks
    41
    Thanked
    33
    Reviews
    0
    Pps I really doubt that just attending the ceremony and afternoon tea, for example, will do any harm to your chances of embryo implanting ... I guess you could talk to one of your fertility nurses if you wanted reassurance on that?
    You still need to think about emotional side of things tho x

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Grace0908 For This Useful Post:

    MrsChino  (06-10-2015)

  9. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    8,609
    Thanks
    35,303
    Thanked
    19,730
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 20/8/15100 Posts in a week - week ended 13/8/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 6/8/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 30/7/15
    @MrsChino You know what my FS says to do before and after transfer?? Have lots of sex!!!

    The only thing that will affect an embryo's chance of implanting is if you raise your core body temperature too high which is why you're told not to exercise too vigorously and to control any fever with Panadol etc.

    I'd be going to the wedding Luv and see how you feel after the ceremony/afternoon tea if you're really concerned about it. I'd go to the reception personally and have a good time bearing in mind about not overheating myself dancing etc

    to you!!!

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to BlondeinBrisvegas For This Useful Post:

    MrsChino  (06-10-2015)

  11. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    810
    Thanks
    274
    Thanked
    376
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Ah that is a tough one.
    I think I would go to the wedding, but keep my options open regarding going home early. Who knows - seeing some friends might be just what you need to keep your spirits up after transfer.
    I know it's not quite the same, but I had to do my trigger shot at my brothers wedding but still had a great time!
    Best of luck!

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to rosey82 For This Useful Post:

    MrsChino  (06-10-2015)

  13. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    339
    Thanks
    16
    Thanked
    104
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by MrsChino View Post
    Thanks @mummymaybe I guess I could just play it by ear on the day. I know my friend (the bride) would completely understand if I had to leave, but I would still feel bad if she had paid for me to attend the reception - I remember what my wedding cost and it all adds up! I would also feel really sad to miss her special day just because of my stupid infertility (esp if it doesn't work out and it was all for nothing). But by the same token I don't want to be stressed and thinking 'I should be resting' as I stand in the sun listening to reading after reading, you know? I'm so torn!


    And no drugs for transfer so driving's all good. They just whack it in and I'm on my way! I've always gone directly back to work afterwards and continued (light) exercising, socialising etc during the TWW and it has gotten me nowhere so this time I feel the need to take it a bit easier (since I'm not sure how many more of these we will do).


    Maybe I should just bite the bullet and talk to the bride about my situation and see what she thinks?

    Being Just over a week out there is a good chance she has already had to give final numbers so I would go and stay for as long as I felt comfortable.

    If it were my wedding I would rather see you for as long as I could with you feeling ok than not at all.

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to believe For This Useful Post:

    MrsChino  (06-10-2015)

  15. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Vic
    Posts
    1,056
    Thanks
    836
    Thanked
    776
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I went to a friends wedding on the day of transfer- it wasn't as far a drive though.
    I just sat down as much as possible, which was pretty easy (I had a lot of other non-dancers keeping me company).
    I would go, stay as long as you feel up to (on the day you may feel great and stay the whole course). You could look at getting a hotel room nearby and avoiding the return journey- not cheap, but after IVF costs, whats another $200 right?!
    It sounds like your friend would love for you to be there, and if it works, it will be a really nice way to remember the event (this baby started the same day as your wedding)

  16. The Following User Says Thank You to SJ565 For This Useful Post:

    MrsChino  (06-10-2015)

  17. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    195
    Thanks
    224
    Thanked
    175
    Reviews
    0

    Default Wedding 1.5 hours away on day of embryo transfer - what to do?

    I'd go the second option - at least be there for the ceremony for her and then play it by ear.
    Another thing to consider though is do you have someone you can get a lift with or take with you? I didnt think you are supposed to drive after EPU because of the pain killers? (Sorry depending on your clinic - I know I was given Valium & panadeine forte with the gas & air so wasn't allowed to drive myself home)

    Either way - good luck with your EPU!

    Edit: sorry just realised it's the transfer you're talking about!
    Totally option 2 ☺️
    And still good luck! Haha

  18. The Following User Says Thank You to monkeymama For This Useful Post:

    MrsChino  (06-10-2015)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Day 3 transfer
    By snickers74 in forum IVF
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 30-06-2015, 20:38
  2. Transfer one or two?
    By jackbenimble in forum Egg Donation
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 21-04-2015, 14:16
  3. When did you get your BFP with a day 6 transfer
    By Our Baby Dream in forum IVF
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 12-03-2015, 06:14

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Xmas with a NEW Fridge-to-go Lunch Bag! Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Fridge-to-go 8 hour cooler bags are ideal under the Christmas tree! Now in modern lunch bag designs - fill them with toys and chocolate to make parents and kids happy! Stay super cool and eat healthy and fresh food all summer long!
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Innovations Sports Physiotherapy
Women’s Health Physios who are able to assess and treat a wide range of Pregnancy and Post Natal Issues. We offer Post Natal Pilates Classes taken by our Physios. These classes help you rebuild strength through your Core and Pelvic Floor.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!