+ Reply to Thread
Page 4 of 5 FirstFirst ... 2345 LastLast
Results 31 to 40 of 43
  1. #31
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    21,729
    Thanks
    15,151
    Thanked
    11,354
    Reviews
    14
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 5/2/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 31/10/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 24/10/14Busiest Member of the Week
    What has worked for us is a not ever hiding anything from the other person but not searching there stuff unless there was a reason eg. Me going through his email to find a email that one of us needs. Him going through my phone to find a document. Etc... We don't need a special permission to do it but we all always tell the other person hey I need this from your xyz. Or hey I needed this do I went through your xyz. This is a very rare thing but has happened a few times in our 23 years together. I would never just search his stuff to see what's there.

    Respect and trust are massive thing in a relationship without them it will eventually break.

  2. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to LoveLivesHere For This Useful Post:

    babyla  (07-10-2015),bezzy  (07-10-2015),ertgirl  (07-10-2015),FamilyLove  (07-10-2015),Happymum2  (07-10-2015),Lincolns mummy  (07-10-2015),MissMuppet  (07-10-2015)

  3. #32
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    594
    Thanks
    746
    Thanked
    287
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I do get what you're saying & yes I will continue personal counselling for my trust issues. I guess the point I take issue with is that there was something dodgy going on. So, in a sense my not trusting someone turned out right. I didn't come here to get continually told off about my lack of trust. I was upset & hoped for some support/guidance. I have to trust him all the time; when he does weekly gigs & doesn't get home till 2am. I have to trust him twice a month when he goes away for a week at a time for work & I basically do trust him. But you all seem to be able to get over the fact that he was looking at brothels & individual prostitute profiles & price lists. In my opinion that is the point. I just don't get why he would need to do that if he never had any intention of going through with it. That's what I feel uncomfortable about. And, it wasn't snooping; he knew full well there was a chance I could look at his phone. I wasn't doing it in private. And in the past I've found he's looked at porn & naked celebrities etc. I've never confronted him about that. It's just that as far as I'm concerned researching the local brothels is taking it too far. That's what I'm most uncomfortable with. That & the subsequent lies.

  4. #33
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,005
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    @ertgirl I suspect what most of us are struggling with is the idea you can build a marriage on a foundation that seems to assume there is a reason to suspect the worst. If you didn't why would you even look at his history. It's a bit like self fulfilling prophecy. I know it probably sounds ridiculous for you as this is the norm in your marriage but to the outside world is reads like a marriage based on mistrust rather than one based on trust.

    Does that make sense? I trust my husband but also give him complete privacy. He has a really annoying habit of reading my emails. I have nothing to hide except I think it's really rude. I've told him this and he gets it. So while I have no secrets I also expect privacy.

    Your situation is unusual for most of us which is probably why many are struggling to understand? I think the reality for the majority is what @LoveLivesHere describes. Namely full access to each other's accounts but no one looks unless the other is actually looking for something.

    Can you work on finding a way to trust him without reading his phone history? Tbh if he was going to cheat he'd find a way whether you're looking through his phone or not.

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

    ertgirl  (07-10-2015),VicPark  (07-10-2015)

  6. #34
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    572
    Thanks
    164
    Thanked
    582
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I'm sorry for what you've been through. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been with your mental health issues making you feel even worse.

    I think it's great you're both going to counselling. You're clearly aware of your trust issues and know that it's not healthy for yourself or your relationship and I hope it's something you can eventually overcome for your own sake, especially.

    I can't say whether I think your husband was planning on acting or just browsing out of sheer curiosity. No one would know this except your husband. While it may seem silly that someone wouldn't delete their history knowing their partner could catch them...it does happen. I know this for a fact because that's how a former friend of mine caught her husband - with inappropriate texts in his phone.

    Something isn't sitting right with me...I do not think you are overthinking this. I'm guessing the uncertainty is what's bothering you the most? And the fact that he lied is what's making you question it more.

    I can understand how you feel and, again, I'm sorry you're going through this.

    Good luck with the counselling

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to hopeful1986 For This Useful Post:

    ertgirl  (07-10-2015)

  8. #35
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    10,173
    Thanks
    3,157
    Thanked
    6,082
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    @ertgirl

    I'm sorry if you feel people are telling you off about your trust issues - I really don't think they intend to be hurtful. Trust is a huge thing, and something a lot of us probably take for granted.

    Although I initially thought your DH should be given the benefit of the doubt, the latter update would personally plant seeds of doubt in my head if I was in your shoes. He may have lied because he wanted to spare hurting you, or there could be more to it? You just don't know, and that would be hard.

    Seeking some counselling is certainly a sensible move.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Mod-Degrassi For This Useful Post:

    ertgirl  (07-10-2015)

  10. #36
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,973
    Thanks
    6,263
    Thanked
    17,185
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    Yeah I do agree with FL. We have the same set up, we log onto each other's phones, computers. We had a rule from the beginning of our relationship that the truth is always better than a lie. We also live by the idea that someone with nothing to hide hides nothing. But neither of us goes actively checking on the other bc we don't feel the need to. We trust one another.

    Had your husband had a history of cheating and/or dodgy behaviour/lying etc then I could understand the monitoring. But you say he hasn't to this point. TBH I'd be really p*ssed if I found my Dh had been looking at prostitutes profiles and price lists so I do think you have a basis to be angry. But I dunno, I also think you have trust issues to work through. Some couples counselling might help, good luck

  11. #37
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    4,687
    Thanks
    4,155
    Thanked
    3,991
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Am I the only one that would have looked at the page and pricelist if it had turned up in my search results?😳 I totally would have looked around because it would have cracked me up that it showed up in my results and I definitely would have been curious about their pricelist!

    Surely you can understand why he felt it was necessary to lie to you? I think I would have lied to you as well because I assume even if he'd told you the truth from the outset that you would still be upset so it's pretty natural for him to want to control the damage.

    I'm sorry you feel ganged up on, but I think many of us are trying to help you feel better about the situation and help you see that this probably pretty innocent. I agree that continuing to search his things is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to HollyGolightly81 For This Useful Post:

    FamilyLove  (07-10-2015)

  13. #38
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    2,276
    Thanks
    2,728
    Thanked
    1,593
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    Am I the only one that would have looked at the page and pricelist if it had turned up in my search results?😳 I totally would have looked around because it would have cracked me up that it showed up in my results and I definitely would have been curious about their pricelist!

    Surely you can understand why he felt it was necessary to lie to you? I think I would have lied to you as well because I assume even if he'd told you the truth from the outset that you would still be upset so it's pretty natural for him to want to control the damage.

    I'm sorry you feel ganged up on, but I think many of us are trying to help you feel better about the situation and help you see that this probably pretty innocent. I agree that continuing to search his things is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
    I would have too! And looked at the ladies to see if I recognised anyone lol. Now I'm curious how much such services cost...

  14. #39
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    4,422
    Thanks
    853
    Thanked
    2,717
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    Am I the only one that would have looked at the page and pricelist if it had turned up in my search results?😳 I totally would have looked around because it would have cracked me up that it showed up in my results and I definitely would have been curious about their pricelist!

    Surely you can understand why he felt it was necessary to lie to you? I think I would have lied to you as well because I assume even if he'd told you the truth from the outset that you would still be upset so it's pretty natural for him to want to control the damage.

    I'm sorry you feel ganged up on, but I think many of us are trying to help you feel better about the situation and help you see that this probably pretty innocent. I agree that continuing to search his things is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    I would have too! And looked at the ladies to see if I recognised anyone lol. Now I'm curious how much such services cost...
    I am guilty of looking up a brothel too.

    I was discussing with DH how there used to be one around but it got flooded in the floods and was curious to see where it was and how it was going.

    I have also looked up another brothel near where I used to live. Oh dear. I am just curious.

  15. #40
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    4,687
    Thanks
    4,155
    Thanked
    3,991
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    I would have too! And looked at the ladies to see if I recognised anyone lol. Now I'm curious how much such services cost...
    I've been so tempted to google and see what 'services' are on the list and what they call them! Never even occurred to me that brothels have websites!


 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 10
    Last Post: 20-06-2015, 08:49
  2. Porn and dating sites in history of internet.
    By onkybear in forum General Chat
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 17-06-2015, 10:48
  3. What to search ebay help needed
    By LoveLivesHere in forum General Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 20-01-2015, 12:27

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
sales & new stuffsee all
Melbourne Natural Medicine Clinic
Specialist Naturopathy, Chiropractic & Massage Melbourne Natural Medicine Clinic
Leading natural health practitioners in fertility, preconception, pregnancy, and children's health. We take an integrative approach all health professionals and offer diagnostic testing and natural treatment options suitable for the whole family.
featured supporter
Hills Swimming Kenthurst
Located in the beautiful suburb of Kenthurst and boasts a heated 25m pool. We conduct world-leading Baby and Parent Classes, Preschool Classes, School Age and Squad Training. Our classes are small, our service personal and our quality of the highest.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!