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  1. #551
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    @Leisylou hi im sorry to hear about your previous experience. Its such a tough road this one especially with hypothyroidism as very few drs understand just how bad it can be its almost the silent unrecognized disease that they fob off. Take a pill the end but its so much harder to mx than that. I hope that you are on the mend. As for your DE. IMO this has come to you for a reason when all hope is lost something wispers just one more time. Obviously there are more steps to take eg councilling and legals etc but maybe this is your answer? I imagine this would be less physically challenging for your body as less meds etc for de cycle? I'm sure she really thought it through before offering so just embrace that there are angels in the world. GO FOR IT. Just mo. 😊

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  3. #552
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    Wow, some dramatic/heavy things going on in here today. I haven't caught up properly yet so I'm sorry for the short responses.
    @Krysta74 On my first miscarriage I tried to miscarry naturally for weeks. It resulted in a D&C and being given the tablets to induce a miscarriage a few hrs before surgery. Never again. On my second miscarriage I had a D&C asap and demanded no tablets to induce the miscarriage. This one was way better for my own mental and physical health. Good luck choosing hun, only you know what's best. You have so much support here. Big hugs. @Leisylou What an amazing offer. I'd definitely use the first part of that 6 months to seek out some counseling & work through all the thoughts floating around in your head. So much to consider. How wonderful to be given that kind of 'love'.
    AFM My son's dad has just asked if he can take him away for the Melb Cup long w.end which is exactly when I was thinking about going back to CT. So I've emailed CT to see if the dates are do-able. If I haven't heard from them by tonight I'll call them as I think CD1 is exceptionally imminent, lots of AF cramps.
    I also heard back from LB's office re an OE cycle. LB's suggesting a boost cycle with Synarel to recruit more follicles (although this didn't happen pre-CT when on Synarel as evidenced at my lining scan - only 3 follies, 1 lead & 2 tiny) & Puregon. It's too expensive to go to CT near Xmas so I'm thinking a CT cycle now followed by an OE cycle in Nov/Dec.

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  5. #553
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    I've never used DE myself but at a guess I would presume the lead up to EPU would be similar to our stim cycles.

    If this lady is a close friend I would also be asking if she would take a good prenatal vitamin for 3 months prior to donation because, well, that is important no matter what age you are.

    The logistics, I believe, will be as @Infinity suggested. There would be copious amounts of counselling involved I imagine - both for yourself and your partner, and for this lovely lady and her partner.

    Legally, I presume there would have to be some sort of contracts drawn up also, but I really don't know for sure. I know some of the lovely ladies on this board have used DE's so I'm sure they will guide you.

    I think the first step you're taking - to talk to a FS about it all, is a good one. Perhaps it might be an idea to write down any concerns you have (health issues, pre and post cycle support etc) and discuss those with him at this appointment also.

    I am so excited for you! This just sounds like an amazing opportunity and I have everything crossed that your dream finally comes true

    Krysta

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  7. #554
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leisylou View Post
    @Krysta74 absolutely - when I received that email, I did cry, it was so overwhelming. To even have that thought for me is just the most incredible gift in itself. I kind of have this lady up on a bit of a pedestal anyway, so it's hard to think of her wanting to give that level of gift to me, it has blown me away. Having said that, I know that this could be the opportunity of a lifetime and I don't want to dismiss it because I'm not comfortable with accepting help.

    For me, I know I've tried so hard to have my own biological child, and I'm slowly coming to terms that it is not likely to happen for me. As I've said to my husband, I can grieve never having my own biological child, at the same time as being excited to have a DE child. They are not mutually exclusive and I can feel both things at the same time. I'm not against DE as such, just that it's a huge thing to ask of someone and I don't ask for help with anything, let alone the type of massive life-changing help that donating eggs is asking for.

    The beautiful lady in question is overseas for six months now, so whatever we do will be via email - so maybe we can have a dialogue back and forth for a while and I can send her some sites to read about what is involved in IVF etc. In the meantime I have bitten the bullet and booked in with an FS on the Gold Coast after having a long talk with his receptionist. He sounds lovely, and I'm going for an initial appointment this Friday to talk about my options. They support DE if I go that way.

    In any case, I am not keen to do anything right now as I still have quite a bit of work to do to get my health back - but I know in the new year if I want to move, I want to move on something quickly. So I figure if I see this guy now, then I can discuss a plan and put something in place for in a few months if I decide to try one round of IVF with him. And I can also be chatting with my DE angel and see if she is genuinely OK with it all, then we can line things up for as soon as she is back in Aus, once she has time to think about everything that is involved. Such a huge thing though, so I might leave it for a few weeks before I get up the courage to send an email saying that I would like to discuss it further.

    For those who've done DE - for the donor it is just like our first two weeks of IVF isn't it? A scan on Day 2, then the stim injections, scan on Day 8 & 12, then an ovulation prevention (if needed), then ovulation trigger, then EPU. Is that it?
    @Leisylou yeah it's just like the first two weeks but with 3 lots of counseling beforehand. 1 for you and your DP, one for your donor and her DP and one with you all together. Once the sperm and eggs are mixed the embryos are 100% yours. Your donor will get one call to make sure she's ok after EPU then she has nothing else to do with that side of things. You get the phone call of fert rates, day 3 and 5 etc. I tell my donor all the milestones but it's up to what you work out

    I understand how you can grieve for your own genetic child but also be excited at the next step. I know I come from a very privileged position, so it is easy for me to say but when I see my son he isn't half me and half my partner he is his own person (just as I don't feel like an extension of my parents) and that helped me to let go of the idea of another genetic child. I grieve not being able to see family traits and similarities between siblings but I think it's vastly outweighed by what you gain.

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  9. #555
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    Hi @Tahli

    I'm hoping AF comes at just the right time so you don't miss your window with CT! Knowing how wonky-a$$ my cycle is I would bet my bottom dollar AF would come right when I didn't want her to, lol. Hopefully yours is much more predictable than mine, love!

    If all else fails, you could also consider doing an OE cycle first and then having Christmas at home, followed by a CT trip in the New Year - after the pricey holiday period is over. What am I saying? You'll do one more cycle and YOU WON'T NEED ANOTHER !

    Thank you for your comments regarding the D&C etc. It is certainly a lot to take in, and would you believe it - I STILL haven't heard from either my clinic nor my OB today.

    That's fine folks, I'll sort it all out by myself. Grrr. Thank God I have all of you to calm me.

    Whilst 'nothing is happening' at present it kind of makes it all feel surreal. It's like I was never even pregnant to begin with. I know, obviously, that that is not the case, but it just doesn't feel real anymore.

    Krysta

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  11. #556
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    @Tahli what fabulous timing your ex has. Great plan. Fx for a smooth and successful journey this time

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  13. #557
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    Thanks @Bongley I knew you would understand the issues really well, thanks. It could be the miracle I am looking for! After going through hell this year, I'm quietly excited about things again, and I guess that comes with feeling better and feeling like there are possibilities there. To get in to see the FS that I want to see this Friday is great too - no waiting list - so I'll get the ball rolling one way or another and see what happens over the next few months.

    My biggest concern is that my friend doesn't have her own family, so I'm not sure if she will be "allowed" to donate. But I guess with counseling, if she is clear on her decision and is supported by her partner, I don't see why she couldn't. The risk of permanent damage causing her permanent infertility would be microscopic in any case.

    @Tahli that sounds like a good plan! Hopefully AF shows up now so that you can get on with your plans.

    @Krysta74 I never did the medication before my D&Cs and they were absolutely fine. I know what you mean about not feeling like it was ever real. I feel like that now about my previous pregnancies, it's like it never really happened. It's kind of surreal

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  15. #558
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    @Leisylou my donor doesn't have kids either. I'm sure it depends on the clinic but I got the impression that the counselors are just there to make sure you've thought things through and there aren't any major issues.

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  17. #559
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    @krysta i feel this is the most misunderstood part of this ivf journey. The loss part. Physical, mental, emotional and financial etc etc. From no eggs at pick up to constant BFN"s especially from supposed perfect embryos and more horrific situation of your current circumstances. There is no help for this, no preparation for the complete depletion of ones self. The almost PTSD that consumes us. With every new cycle we begin we are still scarred from the previous one. Even once pregnant we are scared by this constant negative hx. Once baby arrives for some it may stil continue in some ways as someone previously said here Pnd is really high in ivf mums. Why maybe because this area is completely ignored. I honestly feel there is a huge gap in the system regarding the emotional and mental health of there clients. Duty of care anyone. Its terrible that no one has called you. You should be their first priority. This makes me really angry. For all the money we give them surely they can make a ph call send flowers do something.

    Anyway not sure if maybe once you find the strength that perhaps a tree or favourite flower could be planted or something to always remember your blossom because it was real and you have the right to acknowledge him. Xx

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  19. #560
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    @krysta I hope the clinic and ob rings you soon.

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