@Leisylou Good to have you back a bit more often Luv!!!😊 Yay!!!!😊
Hope all is well in your world (((hugs)))xo
@winsor thats exciting! Ive done pregnyl loads and its never stayed longer than 10dpo for me. I would say at this stage theres a very good chance its the real thing, but I get your cautiousness. Crossing everything for you!
@Bongley sending you all the luck in the world for the next frostie
Another BFN for me and thinking that was the last cycle for us. Im pretty officially over it and I never thought I would say that. Time to get my life back.
Good luck to everyone, I don't read much here anymore but still hope for the best for all of you. Its one frucked up journey and I really thought persistence would pay off but for us it hasn't and Im tired of it.
Lots of you Im sure will get there in the end, so all the best!
thanks for all the support x
A big to those that have known me over the last couple of years through my huge ups and downs.
Just a bit of an update to explain - after my last miscarriage a year ago from my fourth natural pregnancy I booked in to see Wazza to look at a miscarriage prevention program, and he suggested to do IVF to hurry things along seeing as I was 43 when I saw him. Actually he wrote me off straight away and said to go and do DE and not bother, but I pushed to use my OE as I'd had three natural pregnancies in fifteen months, so I felt that the miscarriages could be due to my thyroid and autoimmune stuff and not necessarily because of "old eggs". So my focus was not necessarily on falling pregnant as that seemed to happen fairly regularly, but on treatment to prevent miscarriage.
But anyway, I did nine months of medical intervention as I was in a hurry too, and figured that I'd be a great candidate for IVF as I appeared to still be reasonably fertile. Unfortunately the meds sent me into severe hypothyroidism, to the point where I thought I was dying, and when I was completely bedridden, if someone had said "Here, drink this and you'll pass away" I would have taken it in a second. Because I'd never done the meds before, I thought this was just what every woman went through on IVF as many have said how hard it is. As it was I called the clinic and told them how sick I was and they just dismissed me as a drama queen.
So I persisted for months, getting sicker and sicker, and I only ever got to the point of producing one egg, which I wasn't prepared to go to EPU for. So I haven't had another pregnancy in the last twelve months while going the medical route. To say I'm ****ed off is an understatement. I feel completely overlooked, disregarded and so upset that no one picked up what sort of severe effect the meds were having on my body. Hypothyroidism is a cause of infertility, so how in the world did they expect me to produce eggs when I was so, so sick?
In the end I was about to start another round & I was on the verge of taking my own life, so I knew I had to just stop. I was bedridden with fatigue three to four days a week, gained 20+kg, lost half of my hair, and was so depressed I thought about checking-out every single day. That was in July when I made the very difficult choice to just stop and try to accept the fact that I was going to be childless and find a way to live with that.
Fast-forward three months and I'm slowly getting better. It's taken a while, and I'm still bed-ridden a couple of days a week, even with increasing thyroid hormone and supporting my body as much as possible with rest, good food, exercise when I'm able and some supplements and herbs.
The good news is that the depression is lifting and I'm starting to feel a little bit normal again, and with that has come the desire to have a child again. I still don't feel done. I know I had to make the decision to take that off the table so I could start to heal and get well again, but as I'm slowly recovering, the possibility has entered my mind again. I still know I've got a long way to go until I get my health back to where it was a year ago, but I'm on my way.
I hope that explains where I've been and why I haven't been able to bring myself to engage much on this thread for a while, but I've followed along every single day. Everyone here is so supportive, and were certainly there for me during the roller-coaster that was the last year, so thank you for that and I hope to connect again and be a little more active here. I have a question now, so I'll post that on a new thread. Sorry for taking up so much space, and thank you if you got through my long post
Last edited by Summer; 12-10-2015 at 10:00.
@Leisylou Im so saddened to read your post. I understand how it feels when the Drs give up on you, I can only say that if you go back to doing IVF again you find a new Dr who has the more minimal drugs philosophy. I know it will be controversial in here but putting everyone on that mountain of drugs in case it makes a difference thing I cant say Im a believer in, especially when clearly they have not followed up on you to see what a mess you were. Im angry for you, I too got really really sick from that mentality and there was no phone calls to me in my hospital bed to check on my health.
Im really pleased to read that you took the stand and made your own health your number one priority, its very easy in this game to go to any lengths to get a baby and I think I only realised that myself when I was in a very sick state because of it all. Sending you the biggest hug, whatever happens you are a strong and beautiful person and deserve great things in life. Im looking at a child free future too and Ive started to kind of warm to the idea actually. It wasn't my choice but there will be many opportunities out there that are really exciting and enriching and Im beginning to see that.
Wishing you good health and happiness xxx
ETA - thanks Blonde - to you too, thanks for all the laughs and support x
Last edited by tuxcat; 12-10-2015 at 10:14.
@tuxcat thank you so much for your love and support. I wish you all the very best - it is a very hard decision to come to, but sometimes we just have to make those hard choices. For me, I truly did come to the point of seeing a child-free future and started to get excited about the possibilities and what our life could look like. I was very genuine in seeing that as the end of the road for us.
Now, several months later and with the opportunity of DE on the table, (will write more about that in a moment) I am revisiting the idea. But revisiting it from a very different place than I might have several months ago. The obsession, the need, the yearning, the desperation, the angst isn't there. It is a possibility, but one I'm weighing up against the benefits of being child-free, so my (our) decision will be coming from a very different place than it might have done a while ago when my thinking was "If I don't have a child, I don't want to live".
So I feel quite liberated in that fact that if we make the decision to go forward again (whether it is a one cycle of low-dose IVF with a doctor who can support any thyroid issues that come up) to see what happens, or a move to DE, it doesn't hold the same emotional weight that it might have done. Either way I know it will be OK.
I'm really sorry things haven't worked out for you - I remember how sick you got and it was just horrible. I wish that I could have found a supportive FS who really, truly looked at me as an individual, not just an age on a page, and saw that I'd fallen pregnant naturally every five months (which is statistically pretty awesome) but my babies had failed to develop past six to nine weeks. And worked with me to see if we could get a pregnancy to hold. Sure, it might have just been old eggs, but to be written off before even starting is really demoralising and it felt like an uphill battle to be heard.
I guess DE isn't an option for you hon?
Last edited by Summer; 12-10-2015 at 10:38.
Funny you should mention this. I know when I first started IVF I was put on massive doses of Synarol, Luveris and Gonal-F, and I clearly remember my Doctor saying to me that "because of your age we are just going to throw everything at this..."
What happened was interesting - I responded very poorly in my first cycle, and given the large amount of drugs I was on lost a good deal of hope in the process.
Fast forward to second round (and we all know how that has turned out for me now) but they cut the Synarol and Luveris out completely, cut the dose of Gonal-F considerably and introduced a low dose of Clomid, and voila - three eggs were collected.
I believe my comment at the time was "I guess sometimes, less is more." It certainly gave me something to think about at the time, and I know which way I want to go should we be lucky enough to get another crack at IVF in the future.
Incidentally, I'd be interested to hear if anyone thinks they may have had issues surrounding the OCP prior to IVF. I ask because when I first started it was off the back of 20+ years on the OCP and my FS made the comment that it had basically put my ovaries into a state of hibernation. Being that I only came off the OCP a couple of months prior to starting IVF I do often wonder if this perhaps contributed to my poor first cycle also?
My first FS had me on massive doses of stimms also, and I had a really poor response. Moved to new FS, changed meds & put on a low dose, my egg quantity improved and I've had 2 BFPs. I do think everyone responds differently, but am a firm believer in more is not always better.
I, too, am saddened to read your post. I think that all too often the mechanics of IVF are analysed and pushed to the limits and yet the emotional support often seems to be lacking.
I have spoken many times on this thread about the revolving door of IVF. You go into each round enthusiastic, perhaps get a BFP but more often than not you see a BFN, and then get pushed straight into the next round to do it all again. I suppose my present situation has at least given me a little down time to grieve the loss of my baby, but I still feel a general lack of empathy from the medical fraternity.
At the end of the day, and I'm sure that I'm not alone in this thought, we are often just numbers to clinics. Yes, there are exceptions of course. But they make their money from encouraging us into consecutive cycles in the quickest time possible, which sadly I do think is akin to preying on people at the most vulnerable of times.
I am so very pleased that you are on the road to recovery now, and so very sorry that you have had to walk the path that you did. I truly do feel you did not get the support and attention you deserved on your journey. That being said, you have come to a safe place here and I am delighted you are able to join our little group.
Hugs to you love, and thank you for your kind comments, and for sharing your story with us.
tuxcat, I am so sorry to hear of your BFN.
And I think making the choice to call it a day is an incredibly brave decision.
It is simply not fair that we can try so hard and still not get our reward at the end.
I am thinking of you and wishing you peace as you move forward
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