wasn't sure where to post this.
My mum has a serious long term illness & deteriorated badly this year. She is in the UK. I have health problems that make flying difficult & also anxiety/panic attacks & not currently on meds (stopped to ttc). Nevertheless I decided I needed to go to spend time with her & my family. I am so glad that I did. I got to say everything I could to them & have a lot of difficult discussions that we needed to have about her dying etc. And when I left I said goodbye properly because I knew it could be the last time I would see her. I had hoped that facing my fears & doing the trip would help my anxiety but unfortunately I was ill a lot of the time & the flights back went very badly & as a result my health & anxiety both ended up worse. I have had many days where i haven't been able to leave the house. My plan was to take it as easy as possible & build myself back up but I've been home about 11 weeks & have picked up cold/bug three times & gastro once so I've lost weight & am a mess. This week I got a phone call saying my mum has been taken into hospital. She is in a coma & non-responsive. She will not recover. The doctors swing between saying she will go in 24 hours to saying she needs to be in a hospice because she could last weeks/months. My dad & siblings are going to see her every day. I am torn. I want to be back there for them but I can't even imagine making it to the airport never mind doing the whole trip again. They all say that it's ok with them if I don't come back as the main thing was that I came not so long ago when she was herself & aware but I'm not sure if they are saying that for me. I am so distressed & feel so selfish that I'm not there to share the hospital visiting/support etc. Now I wait by the phone for updates... Thanks to anyone who had read all of that. Just had to get it out & wanted to see if anyone had been in a similar situation (bit of a long shot I imagine!)