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  1. #11
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    I don't think anyone can 'understand' unless it is something they go through.

    My DH has never been anxious. He is very supportive of me and he knows what I need. This is because I tell him what I need from him.

    I get where your DH is coming from. Logically if you are anxious juat calm down. But unless you have anxiety you don't know that it does not work that way.

    I do think you need to work on it though. Atm I have insomnia (which makes anxiety worse).

    If you really are worried about not taking medication what else have you tried?

    Have you tried chamomile tea? Hot milk? Having a hot shower? There are various drinks/supplements to help aid 'getting to sleep'.

    You need to work on resolving any conflicts issues before bed too. Write it out, scribble it, talk to your pillow, the cat - just get your fruatration/worry out. It does not have to be to your DH if it stresses you out more.

    I would again suggest you think about taking ADs again. You need to be able to make sure the anxiety does not peak to a level that is not easily controlled. Otherwise this will continue on. And it is not healthy.

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    I haven't been able to get my DH to quite understand it either. I have a phobia, though, and he understands that. I tried explaining it by saying that I feel almost like I'm getting a needle, but for a different reason, and I don't always know it will trigger it. I had a chat to him when we weren't arguing, and said if I tell him to go away, or walk away from him, then I really need to stop or there's a good chance I'll have a panic attack, or not be able to sleep, or start crying, etc. I've also told him what will help to calm me down, and what he can do to help me keep my anxiety in check. My DH has been pretty good with respecting my boundaries since then. I think HappyBovine's explanation is great. It's straightforward and logical.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HappyBovine View Post
    My anxiety is through the roof most of the time.

    I have had psychologists explain it to me this way:

    Anxiety is a continuum from 0 to 10. Most people sit at a baseline of 0 anxiety. That is their normal. If a mildy stressful event was to happen with a person with an anxiety baseline of 0 (eg stuck in traffic and late for work), their anxiety levels may go up to 3.

    However, when someone has anxiety, their baseline (normal) is much higher, say a 6. If that same person was stuck in traffic and late for work and their anxiety levels jumped by those same 3 points, they would be at 9 which is near meltdown levels. Hence applying the same amount of stress and having the same leap in anxiety levels induces what appears to be a complete overreaction to the same event.
    This is how my psychologist explains it too

    Are you on any medication OP? I have PTSD and have taken Venlafaxine 150mg since early this year but I found it wasn't doing much for my anxiety so recently my doc upped me to 225mg and it has really helped to reduce the frequency of panic attacks and flight fight responses I still have issues 2-3 times a week and usually those days I just take a sleeping tablet pop in some ear plugs and go to bed, I find it extremely difficult to calm myself down and turn off those thoughts and all that 'jazz' so it's best for me to just knock myself out lol. I use to self harm and reached the point where I attempted suicide so yeah...doing the above is better than those 2 things!

    Have you tried explaining to him that this is a flight/fight response? It seems like he doesn't have much knowledge so perhaps you could point him in the direction of a few things that will help?


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    Quote Originally Posted by HappyBovine View Post
    My anxiety is through the roof most of the time.

    I have had psychologists explain it to me this way:

    Anxiety is a continuum from 0 to 10. Most people sit at a baseline of 0 anxiety. That is their normal. If a mildy stressful event was to happen with a person with an anxiety baseline of 0 (eg stuck in traffic and late for work), their anxiety levels may go up to 3.

    However, when someone has anxiety, their baseline (normal) is much higher, say a 6. If that same person was stuck in traffic and late for work and their anxiety levels jumped by those same 3 points, they would be at 9 which is near meltdown levels. Hence applying the same amount of stress and having the same leap in anxiety levels induces what appears to be a complete overreaction to the same event.
    Such a great explanation - I'm going to use the myself now. It's so hard to verbalise it to people who have never experienced it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer View Post
    I haven't been able to get my DH to quite understand it either. I have a phobia, though, and he understands that. I tried explaining it by saying that I feel almost like I'm getting a needle, but for a different reason, and I don't always know it will trigger it. I had a chat to him when we weren't arguing, and said if I tell him to go away, or walk away from him, then I really need to stop or there's a good chance I'll have a panic attack, or not be able to sleep, or start crying, etc. I've also told him what will help to calm me down, and what he can do to help me keep my anxiety in check. My DH has been pretty good with respecting my boundaries since then. I think HappyBovine's explanation is great. It's straightforward and logical.
    firstly, I agree with twinklify about chamomile tea..
    and tiny you're making the right step for telling him what you need, but I can add more tips (you probably know or don't) :
    1. check your breathing speed
    because it is major cause of panic attack
    2. breath slower using belly
    work the best if practice before have a full blown panic
    3. get used to over-breathing
    sounds weird but you have to. to begin more familiar with panic so you can deal with it
    4. act normal so the panic get bored
    5. thinking something methodical like counting backwards from one hundred in jumps of three – ‘100, 97, 94, 91…etc
    6. blank your mind


    source : How to Stop a Panic Attack in 10 Ways
    calminghealth(dot)com/how-to-stop-panic-attack-1

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    Quote Originally Posted by HappyBovine View Post
    My anxiety is through the roof most of the time.

    I have had psychologists explain it to me this way:

    Anxiety is a continuum from 0 to 10. Most people sit at a baseline of 0 anxiety. That is their normal. If a mildy stressful event was to happen with a person with an anxiety baseline of 0 (eg stuck in traffic and late for work), their anxiety levels may go up to 3.

    However, when someone has anxiety, their baseline (normal) is much higher, say a 6. If that same person was stuck in traffic and late for work and their anxiety levels jumped by those same 3 points, they would be at 9 which is near meltdown levels. Hence applying the same amount of stress and having the same leap in anxiety levels induces what appears to be a complete overreaction to the same event.

    Where have you been all my life? This is a fantastic way of explaining it

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    I'm not sure how you can get hubby to understand but I know my psych has told me to try Epsom salts in the bath before bed. The magnesium relaxes you. Also breathing in and out deeply as if you are blowing up a balloon helps. Also download some sleep meditation apps. These are wonderful.


 

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