good luck tonight/today @Tahli! if they don't give you a pic you can always ask to take a photo of the screen with your phone (that's what I do)
@Natter02 for my previous 5 ivf cycles with no bfp i didn't do acupuncture. This time i wanted to do something different which hopefully will get me my bfp. I am exhausted for 2 days after acupuncture but i dont actually feel the needles at the time. No pain or anything . Ive heard excellent reports about it helping to get that baby so im doing it for this up coming cycle. Fx it works for me
@Charlie74 well im no councilor but heres my opinion for what its worth.
Firstly be kind to yourself. This ivf journey brings out the best and worst in us all. It is difficult to understand unless you have to. As for it being around her i think everyone will agree they feel the same at times. I had a chemical pg thought it was a bfp and was so excited til hcg. Anyway the day i found that out, my brother called to say he was pregnant. My neice is now about 8 months old and whenever i see her im reminded of what i dont have. She is a gorgeous girl and if i hold her i cry a little. No one knows except my dh. I guess what im trying to say is its just not fair and i know you want happiness for your sis you have to put yourself first. I recon you two can compromise. Maybe agree to talk but not about ttc or babies. Talk about other things? At least then you're talking and rebuilding closeness but not hurting each other xx
Oh @Charlie74 I'm so sorry you feel this way.
I have no words of wisdom to share, but that you need to know you are not alone in these feelings. My SIL has had 2 children, there have been numerous friends, acquaintances, and horror of all horrors work colleagues (no escaping the pregnant women in the office, and I have to buy their baby gifts from the company!) that have announced and had babies during my ttc journey.
I used to just plaster a smile on my face and faked it till I made it. One particular announcement at work the lady fell pregnant when I did a fet, I had to leave the office and go for a walk and cry,
I just told myself it wasn't their fault I was infertile (and I truly am with my dud eggs), so I decided I just wanted to be there for them, the same way I'd like them to be there for me if I ever got pregnant.
But everyone handles things differently, and if you can't face her, then don't. You have told her how you feel (she probably guessed already and was waiting for you to bring it up, my SIL was) and I'm sure she is understanding. If anything she is probably relieved to know what is bothering you, as you used to be so close and aren't anymore.
You obviously have a very good psychologist who you trust, I'm sure they are giving you good advice, you just need to trust them, and yourself.
I always think we feel a certain way for a reason, don't ever think badly of yourself for feeling a particular way, if it makes you upset, then try and analyse and if need be take steps to change/avoid things so you don't feel that way, but don't beat yourself up for feeling that way in the first place.
Sorry for the ramble, I hope it makes sense and helps in any way xxxx
@Charlie74. This is the best place for a rant by the sounds of things because like others have said we are all going through the same thing and have those feelings. I know I do. This is my first IVF round but have been going through procedures and ttc for years. Every time you hear of some one else falling pregnant it is like a knife in your heart. Not that you aren't happy for them just that it is so god dam hard for us and yet for others oh look oops I am pregnant....argh!!!!! Really hard with family though. Not sure how I would feel or what I would do especially given how close you were. I have been estranged from my sister for a couple of years over something completely stupid and only recently called her up to say enough was enough. We had the BEST chat and I am so completely releaved to have her back in my life. We were very close (only 18 mths apart) so it was hard without her. We aren't what we were but little steps. It warmed my heart just to hear her voice. Sorry this probably doesn't help at all but at least you are giving it a go and trying. Awesome shrink by the way!
Wow @Charlie74 that must be tough. There's really not much point discussing your feelings right now in my opinion other than to maybe just tell her you need time to come to terms with it and until then there's really not much point analysing it and there is probably not much she can do to change your feelings anyway.. You can't just switch your feeling on or off and whether they are right or wrong, they are YOUR feelings. Just tell her you still love her the same but need time and until then can we just keep it about non baby stuff - unless of course something happens that you need a shoulder for... I'm sure that must feel selfish but completely understandable to all of us that's for sure. I'm bad at this stuff so sorry probably not much help. I understand exactly how you feel though.
I have my FIL here right now telling me once again that he understands what I'm going through. His GF had a paraplegic husband years ago so did artificial home insemination so she completely understands what I'm going through too ! Pfft. Did SHE do 14 IVF cycles ?? Maybe I'm too harsh but I think Nobody knows what this is like but us. And I don't expect them too, but they just don't understand that they just DONT understand. Or am I putting us into 'to special' a group of people? Hugs xo
Last edited by JulieMalooley; 30-09-2015 at 18:16.
hugs @Charlie74. it is hard hearing about others falling pregnant so easily. I'm not sure what to advise, but maybe try talk to your sister about other things, and just say you don't want to talk about ivf or her pregnancy just yet. sounds like you're working through it with your therapist, so that's good, to have someone to talk to about it. good luck.
@Charlie74 I don't have any more to add to what the other Lovelies have said but just wanted to give you a big
I was mostly like Chiefs when I was TTC..just tried to be happy for others as best as I could as I knew it wasn't their fault they could conceive naturally and easily and I couldn't. It was still bloody tough and painful both physically and emotionally at times though I just kept in all inside and then would cry my heart out later on.
I do remember one particular time after Cycle 4 had just failed and I was lined up outside Medicare with a small group of other people waiting for them to open so I could lodge receipts for refunds etc. There was a younger woman there with a newborn in a pram standing to the side of me and I just couldn't handle it. I had to turn my back on her and walk a little bit away as I was starting to drop my bundle and didn't want to go in there balling my eyes out
Everything you're feeling is very normal Luv, so don't feel guilty about it. We all handle things in whatever way will get us through. I agree with Leyshoja r.e telling your sister you're not ready to talk about it right now and that you need some time and space and if or when you are ready, you'll come to her.
I'm sure she now does understand why you've pulled back and have been avoiding everything baby related etc and doesn't take it personally. I'm glad you've got a great Psychologist to help you Luv as it can make such a difference. I think shoot your sister off another email and just let her know that you're slowly working through your feelings with some professional help (if you want to disclose that) so discussing things right now with her is counterproductive and that all you're really looking for from her is acceptance of where you're at and how you feel.
Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 30-09-2015 at 18:52.
We had to put the heat light and I needed DO to verify because I just couldn't believe my eyes ! As soon as FIL left I couldn't help myself and out came the frer's
Last edited by JulieMalooley; 30-09-2015 at 18:50.
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