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  1. #51
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    Default with a newborn ... what would you have liked your friends or family to do?

    Its strange to me to read posts from ppl who have said no to visitors in hospital or no visitors for a certain period etc.. Just seems so weird to me.. I never thought about restricting family or friends

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    Default with a newborn ... what would you have liked your friends or family to do?

    sorry if that comes off as really cold. I guess people these days are just more assertive about their own needs.

    I figure if you've just squeezed a watermelon out if your vj/been sliced open and then stitched up, are operating on minimal sleep, have a squawking baby that requires your non-stop attention and leaky boobs on top of it all, you're entitled to set boundaries and expect people to respect them.

    you've just had a baby, I get people are excited but theres also an element of selfishness to it, THEY want cuddles, THEY want to meet baby. what about poor mum (and dad!)?!

    I think it's great people are empowered enough these days to speak up and assert their feelings. better than feeling pressured into entertaining a ****** of visitors then feeling exhausted afterwards and being of no use to your baby.

    people should do whatever they're comfortable with and others need to respect that. they mightn't like it, mightn't approve, and they don't have to. your baby, your rules. you don't have a baby so you can bend over backwards pleasing others afterwards!

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  4. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    Its strange to me to read posts from ppl who have said no to visitors in hospital or no visitors for a certain period etc.. Just seems so weird to me.. I never thought about restricting family or friends
    I think often women are one or the other...either they want to show off their baby to absolutely everyone, or they want to shut the door on the world and just enjoy their new baby with their partner. I was the latter and had lots of family members who couldn't understand this as in their experience they were the former. So they took it personally. 😕

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    For me those first few days are so special and precious that I want to relish them with my DH.

    People can wait a few more days for a cuddle. It's not like the baby is going away anytime soon 😀

    And for those who could NOT wait I'd advise them to get knock off, enjoy 9 months of pregnancy and labour et voila your own perfect baby to cuddle! 😋

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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    Its strange to me to read posts from ppl who have said no to visitors in hospital or no visitors for a certain period etc.. Just seems so weird to me.. I never thought about restricting family or friends
    It's weird to me too. I always respect it, and tell friends to let me know when they're ready for visitors...but for me, as soon as I was out of delivery suite I just wanted to show off the adorable human being DH and I had made. And I loved hospital visitors! What else was I going to do in hospital? Not that I spent long there, and by the time I got to having baby no. 3 I just went home a few hours after giving birth, and then I had to basically beg people to come over because they all wanted to give me space to settle in to my new family life. I just didn't want visitors during my toddlers nap time so that I could get an afternoon sleep in too, but otherwise, visitors were great! I'd give them the baby to cuddle, and fold washing or do dishes while we chatted.

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    Default with a newborn ... what would you have liked your friends or family to do?

    My colleagues all want to come for a visit, mainly at home. I didn't say no and didn't say yes either. Kinda just brush it off. My fear is that none of them are recently vaccinated. I know one of them is very keen to cone to the hospital and I might have just offended her by saying we would like quiet time so no visitor. Again, the same reason for not wanting visitor.

    My parents didn't get why I become so "cold" to people. I didn't want her to stay a long time either. She got vaccinated and excited so I couldn't say no. The truth is that I have become a pretty private person since TTC (DH is even more extreme!) . It took us so long to get this bub so we aren't going to risk it. I really prefer some quiet time early on with the bub. Life can be very overwhelming than entertaining the visitors.
    Last edited by bbhope; 17-09-2015 at 23:15.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    Its strange to me to read posts from ppl who have said no to visitors in hospital or no visitors for a certain period etc.. Just seems so weird to me.. I never thought about restricting family or friends
    Well I guess everyone is different hey?

    I had a difficult long labour with DD and also issues bf'ing in the first 8weeks, plus she had some initial health issues. Combined with some undiagnosed PND, I just found it so so hard dealing with guests on top of that, especially high maintenance ones who would drop over without a single thought to what I might have needed and created more stress by leaving mess, bringing sick children, coming over unannounced for hours at a time when I was trying to rest, etc.

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    While I like visitors after I have bub. I like those visit to life giving not life sucking. Iykwim.

    After my 5th bub I had my sil who I hadn't seen for over 7 years turn up for a weeks visit. The day I got out of hospital. I was expected to take her out to all the local attractions because it was her holiday. Cause you know you want to do the day 3 blues in crocodile zoo. Right.
    So I get not all visitors come and bring you bicker and offer to help. They want to be looked after while they play with bub.

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    I didn't want visitors until I was ready, but my mum, sister and grandy would stay with us to help out in the first week or 2. It was good, they didn't get in the way and helped around the house.

    What I did struggle with though was with dd4 and trying to bf. I never bf before so it was all new and I didn't feel comfortable doing it in front of my grandad because i found it easier to rip my top off, so everything was on display. So i would hide in my room and feed. I felt like I was missing out on a lot of interaction though because I could be stuck in there for an hour, no tv or anything either. I would have liked it if my mum came in and sat with me or even my sister.

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    I would never ask anyone to do my housework... Close family notwithstanding.

    Food would have been nice. Cuddle / visit with bubs while I shower / do some housework.

    I nipped people coming to visit in the bud via FB post where I said, if you've not had a whooping cough booster and flu shot, don't even ask to see bubs.


 

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