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  1. #31
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    Default with a newborn ... what would you have liked your friends or family to do?

    I would have liked people to leave us alone in the first week or two. It's such a massive adjustment and a special time and the number of people being quite pushy about wanting visits then coming for long stays, multiple people wanting long holds leaving me with a distressed overstimulated newborn...

    I just wanted to hold my own baby after such a difficult journey to get him.

    So my advice is, send love or delivery of flowers/food but save the visits for a few weeks in and don't all go at once.

    And for gods sake if you or your household has been sick or isn't vaccinated have the decency to stay away.

    In the context of the question - offer to visit later and ask when is good to come don't say "I'd like to visit on x day"

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  3. #32
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    Bring meals. Provide me with company.

    I feel weird about otero doing my cleaning. To the point where I'd clean before my cleaner arrived.

    Except my mum. I don't mind her doing that stuff for me

  4. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by BH-KatiesMum View Post
    I actually wanted people to come ... I was going out of my mind with the 'aloneness' (though I love the peace now )

    but I would have really liked them to call before they came to ask if I needed bread or milk or anything picked up from the shops.
    This! I love having people around because I got lonely and wanted to show off my gorgeous bubba without the hassle of packing is up to go out.

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    Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (17-09-2015)

  6. #34
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    I was injured in labour and could hardly move for a couple of months after. I would have appreciated any offers of assistance.
    Food was the best thing - my best friend came over to visit. She brought us all lunch, some healthy and tasty snacking foods, and 2 more meals for my DH and I. I really appreciated it! Actually, she was the best, most unobtrusive visitor. She made everyone tea, did the dishes as they were finished, and folded washing and hung out another load while I was feeding DS. I think she also swept the floor. She didn't say she was doing any of it, just did it, and I felt so relaxed after she left.

    Most of the helpful stuff has been mentioned. Food, short visits (at least try to keep it to an hour max, and if the new mum asks if you can stay longer, stay if you want to), tidy up after yourself, make some tea, sweeping or vacuuming, holding bub while I had a shower. Taking the bin out when it was full was also helpful.

    Bringing your own small kids with you is fine and lovely, but please don't sit there holding my baby, letting your own child get right up in my newborn's face, and then run riot through my house and get me to look after them. I'm tired and sore, and I just can't.

  7. #35
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    DO:
    - cook meals for my freezer
    - make your own tea/coffee
    - clean up after yourself
    - tidy the kitchen

    DON'T:
    - do my laundry. I am VERY FUSSY, you will probably do it wrong.

    I'm pretty easy going when I have a newborn, those were the main things.

    When my sister had her kids my mum cooked her heaps of meals for her freezer. But she didn't do many for me. I asked her why and she said it was partly due to my ex husband being a fussy prick (with food) and she felt uncomfortable doing it. STUFF HIM!! It annoyed me that she did that as I really struggle to cook when I have a newborn. I end up eating toasties or cereal for dinner.

  8. #36
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    Default with a newborn ... what would you have liked your friends or family to do?

    I would of been offended or really put out if I visited a friend and she asked me to (or secretly wanted me to) weed/mow the garden, mop or vacuum etc I don't even do that at my own house, I'm here to visit you, I'm not your cleaner lol. (Mothers/MILs not included)

    But I always check if they need groceries, make us all cuppas, offer to wash up and keep visits short! Plus I'm happy to hold your bubs whilst you lay down or do things.

    As for food, whilst it is a lovely thought DH and I are very particular and felt bad when people brought over home cooked dinners - we didn't have the heart to tell them it would mostly end in the bin. Plus freezer space was very limited too.....
    That's why I'm reluctant to do the same. We like my cooking but others may not!
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 17-09-2015 at 16:32.

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  10. #37
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    Do: ring and book a time in advance so I have something to look forward to.
    Bring your kids to amuse my older two.
    Bring a snack and make your own coffee/tea.
    Gifts of bread, milk, eggs, fruit and veg is far more preferable to cooked meals.
    Stay for 1-2hrs.

    Don't: do my housework (my mum and MIL excluded)
    Don't bring cooked meals
    Don't just turn up and then run off.
    Don't bring sick kids.

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  12. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    I would like people not to ask to come over or assume i want visitors. I had so many people say oh I'll come see you in hospital. Um no you won't that's very presumptuous. Or when we were home essentially swimming with our prem baby people messaging constantly saying when can we visit or telling us they would visit (people at least no better than to turn up unannounced to us). Made me feel quite uncomfortable to constantly say no and then they got put out too. My baby, my time when I'm ready I'll let you know!
    See this is what I think is hard. If no one asked me about when they can visit, I would have been devastated. That would have made me feel totally unloved.
    Everyone is so different! It's like you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

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    Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (18-09-2015)

  14. #39
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    My Mum came by on day 10 and took my baby just after I had fed her for a two hour walk in the pram. Was awesome. I got to sleep and then shower in peace.

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    Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (17-09-2015)

  16. #40
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    I'm actually really wishing I hadn't read this thread!

    I'm cooking a lasagne for a friend who just had twins.

    I'm worried it's going to get chucked in the bin while she curses me for not mowing!

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    Ashram  (18-09-2015),bezzy  (18-09-2015),dido  (17-09-2015),FearlessLeader  (17-09-2015),Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (17-09-2015),Sunnybambino  (17-09-2015)


 
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