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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Californication View Post
    I was just coming to add this. Short visits. And to check when would be a good time to come, not just show up. I ended up putting a not on the door "baby sleeping and so am I" as no joke, people would always rock up just as I'd got the baby down and was about to go have a nap. The first few weeks are a huge adjustment and most mums need to rest when they can!
    Yes!! For me I also felt like the first month was a really special time for us to bond as a family and get to know our son. We had multiple people over day after day for about 3/4 weeks, I was barely sleeping and honestly I just wanted to have him all to myself! From about 6 or 8 weeks onwards though when things were settling down and I wanted all those visitors no one was to be found, they'd already seen him!

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    Californication  (17-09-2015)

  3. #22
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    Definitely home cook meal and if there's older kids offering to take them out for half a day - especially morning!!

  4. #23
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    Don't try to invite yourself over for a meal - in the same vein, don't just offer to bring food, just bring it. I'm too tired to think about what I would like, so don't ask me what I want to eat - but if you bring food I will be very happy.

    Don't stay for long. Come, chat, meet the baby and then go!!

    Play with my older kids.

    If you're staying - (ie family visiting) don't wait until I get up and start tidying up after meals, get in there and do it please.

  5. #24
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    Don't invite yourself over - if the new parent/s want space let them have it.
    Don't run off and try to settle a crying baby yourself, this can be stressful for mum

    Bring a frozen meal
    Vacuum
    Stack/unstack dishwasher
    Bring basic groceries (maybe ask before what they need but someone bring bread, milk etc would have been great)
    Tidy the house -clear tables, take out rubbish

    Bringing food is a big one and not staying too long (half an hour is good)

  6. #25
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    Just visit.

    I'm not comfortable with anyone doing my housework. (Mum and MIL aside).

    Bringing something to eat when you visit would be welcome.

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    I have an 11 week old baby (FTM) and I'm intensely private. We didn't allow any visitors in hospital at all and at home until she had her vaccinations. Only exception was my parents who had pertussis vax for us.
    I would like people not to ask to come over or assume i want visitors. I had so many people say oh I'll come see you in hospital. Um no you won't that's very presumptuous. Or when we were home essentially swimming with our prem baby people messaging constantly saying when can we visit or telling us they would visit (people at least no better than to turn up unannounced to us). Made me feel quite uncomfortable to constantly say no and then they got put out too. My baby, my time when I'm ready I'll let you know! My baby has been quite difficult, the stress of having people over is something I don't need. Even now.
    If you do get invited over don't sit around waiting to be offered a drink. I won't be offering. Don't expect me to put anything on food-wise. I won't be. If baby is getting antsy it probably needs a feed = this is your cue to leave! I do not want to get my boobs out in front of you.
    I wouldn't let anyone clean my house as I'm too private, stubborn and proud lolbut some nice snacks or decent meals or dropping in a take away (and not staying) would be great. I had a few friends drop things on my doorstep which was nice.
    Someone else suggested mowing the lawn! Yes please! Bottom of the list of priorities but needs doing.
    Sorry I sound like a total ***** don't I. I've struggled with this new mum business.
    For me I guess bottom line is I don't want people doing things for me but dropping off some food is nice and respecting boundaries and giving space is most important. Some people can try to take over and be really overbearing and pushy with offers of assistance which is awkward.

  8. #27
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    Bit off topic but those who want mowing and gardening done, do you do that when your friends have babies?

    It never occurred to me to do anything like that. I take food because that's what I'd like to receive.

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  10. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by NoteToSelf View Post
    Bit off topic but those who want mowing and gardening done, do you do that when your friends have babies?

    It never occurred to me to do anything like that. I take food because that's what I'd like to receive.
    I ask whatever they need and if they said I'd love the lawns done well I'd do it! But also if I saw the lawn looked a fright I would offer to do it specifically. Our garden has been looking terrible and I was really hoping my dad would do my lawns a few weeks back when he was over as that's the kind of help I need but unfortunately his mind doesn't operate on such a practical level 😁

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  12. #29
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    BH-KatiesMum is offline Community Manager
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    The question was 'what would you like your friends or family to offer?' It's not what you expect of people but what you would love for someone to have offered

    I am just getting some ideas do that people who are uncomfortable asking for know what kinds of things people would love.

    I thought the lawn thing was a great idea.
    Last edited by BH-KatiesMum; 17-09-2015 at 16:08. Reason: autocorrect

  13. #30
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    I would have loved them just to ask how I was doing. Yes come and gush over my babies but also ask how I am going while you have a snuggle.
    Dropping off a meal is also awesome!

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