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  1. #1
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    Default When you can't agree on discipline..

    This might be long.. Sorry, bare with me.

    I've been with my partner for just over three years. I've got three kids to someone else. We have a child together.

    Well what do you do if you and your partner can't agree on discipline?

    He rules with an iron fist. He isn't violent, never laid a hand on them, but he yells and screams all the time. As soon as they step one foot out of line he starts ranting and raving saying how bratty they are, calling them "little sh1ts" saying I'm too soft. He makes the rules and that's it. I can't say anything. Now I'm not at all saying my kids are angels, they do fight and carry on, but I'm trying really hard myself not to overreact to everything and not lose my cool. If the kids try and explain something to him ( after he's told them off or dishes out a punishment) he rants and raves and will not listen. He talks over them and me.

    This afternoon kids were punching each other ( 2 of them) so he put them in separate rooms. That's fine. I told my daughter while she's in her room to clean it. She did.
    She came out after about 10 minutes and told me she had finished cleaning..
    Now before I could say anything he carries on and starts yelling at her. Saying "I told you stay in your room until dinner!"
    I went to talk to her calmly and I was about to say "good, thanks now just stay in here. Dinner won't be long"
    But I get told off!
    It gets very frustrating when he won't listen ( even his friends and family get annoyed when he constantly interrupts!)

    I am trying to be a calm parent. Not yell ( I still do at times), not hand out punishments left, right and centre and every little thing. If we ( as in all of us in general) want our kids to listen to us then we need to listen to them, I'm not a perfect mum.

    My partner does try his best. He's a great dad/step dad to the kids . He does a lot for them. The three older ones bio father isn't in the picture and he has taken over the father role. He goes to kids Father's Day breakfast, took my son to hospital when he split his arm open ( I couldn't).

    I don't like when he gets angry though, calling the kids names doesn't help. Arguing in front of them doesn't help.

    He wants me to always be on his side too which I find quite hard.

    What do we do?

  2. #2
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    I think you both need to sit down and work out a parenting plan you both agree on and stick to it. Decide on set punishments that you both agree on.
    Calling the kids names and swearing at them is not on.

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    Thankyou . I do agree with that.
    I try and talk to him when he's calm but it escalates very quickly. He doesn't listen. He's always right.

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    He can be quite condescending towards me too at times and speaks to be like one of the kids. I'm actuslly older than he is too. Eg when I spoke to my daughter while she was in her room he says "you're not supposed to talk to her when she's in time out. Understand?!"
    I just said " um.... Ok.. Sorry dad"
    I know this whole step parenting this would be hard for him.

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    If someone was telling at my kids calling them little $hits and wouldn't stop when I asked them to they would be out the door. No questions asked. I cane from a home where my father yelled and was overly aggressive and I will NOT let my kids be exposed to anything remotely resembling that. It can damage a kid.

    Don't let your DP talk over you. Give him a clear ultimatum: "don't talk down to me and don't yell at my kids. I will not tolerate it. " Why would you let him do that to your kids?

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    Hmm he sounds very disrespectful towards you and the kids.

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    Ultimately disciplining your children is up to you. The final say should be yours.

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    I don't want to be harsh but your kids have gone through an awful lot in their short lives and to now have the father figure in their lives calling them names and screaming at them seems really unfair.
    He has no right to behave this way towards your children and I know it's easy for me to say but if he didn't commit to you two doing a parenting course or seeing a counsellor together, then I'd think very hard about remaining in a relationship with him.
    Your children have to come first.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    If someone was telling at my kids calling them little $hits and wouldn't stop when I asked them to they would be out the door. No questions asked. I cane from a home where my father yelled and was overly aggressive and I will NOT let my kids be exposed to anything remotely resembling that. It can damage a kid.

    Don't let your DP talk over you. Give him a clear ultimatum: "don't talk down to me and don't yell at my kids. I will not tolerate it. " Why would you let him do that to your kids?
    I'm sorry OP but this.

    You know what he is doing is wrong which why it is upsetting you.

    He either treats you all with the respect and dignity you all deserve or tell him to leave and absolutely mean it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    I don't want to be harsh but your kids have gone through an awful lot in their short lives and to now have the father figure in their lives calling them names and screaming at them seems really unfair.
    He has no right to behave this way towards your children and I know it's easy for me to say but if he didn't commit to you two doing a parenting course or seeing a counsellor together, then I'd think very hard about remaining in a relationship with him.
    Your children have to come first.
    This. Please put your kids first.


 

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