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  1. #51
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    Some thoughts:
    1. On pen and paper make a list of all the roadblocks to what you want, and in the right hand column start noting solutions. You don't have to work them all out at once.

    2. Continue getting your licence

    3. Make an appointment to see Centrelink

    4. Make a list of all the "man stuff", and start working out which bits you can do yourself. If you don't know how, YouTube it. This will help you build your confidence and independence - it's amazing how achieving some new skill can boost your self esteem. Seriously - I don't buy that you need a man for "man stuff"

    5. Advertise a spare room for a boarder to pay some rent.

    6. Break up with husband.

  2. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to ScubaGal For This Useful Post:

    Chillies  (17-09-2015),InWatermelonSugar  (16-09-2015),Moxy  (16-09-2015),VicPark  (16-09-2015)

  3. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4LeafClover View Post
    re: your husband doing handywork around the house for your mum. I am just going to put it out there, whereby you could agree for him to do work around the house still, instead of CS ? That way your mum is ok and your husband maybe ok with it. However I am not sure how it would actually work.

    You have to have faith in yourself that you CAN do it. Have you any close friends, that could help out re: child minding whilst on a driving lesson ? Or better still able to help you and teach you to drive ? So that you have your drivers license sooner, cos I know you will feel a lot more confident in yourself once you have this, and independent
    I had thought of this previously, it is possible that in the future he may agree to help out with things, but initially I think he'd be too hurt and just want to be out of the situation entirely. It is very hard to get him to do anything at the best of times, so i'm not sure how hard it would be to actually get the help when we needed it. For non-urgent jobs it may work. I don't really know anyone around here, given that I don't drive so don't attend playgroups or anything, the license kind of has to come first, but I am hoping I can still do lessons on saturdays if he is happy to come and collect us and spend the day with our daughter. I know it is going to make a huge difference, I am really looking forward to having that independence and not being stuck at home.

  4. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    As a short term thing, could you move in with your mum, let your husband stay in your house, and tell him he has x number of days to get out at which point if he doesn't, you can take further action? Then the pets can stay with him and you can move back when he's gone.
    Yep, this is a good idea.

  5. #54
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    I'm not saying stay- but another option is to get yourself happy, get your licence and find meaningful work, put your daughter in daycare and make positive steps for your financial stability.. Once you're in a position to leave you will be financially and emotionally more prepared to overcome those hurdles when not so many changes have to happen all at once.

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to FamilyLove For This Useful Post:

    Chillies  (17-09-2015),smallpotatoes  (18-09-2015)

  7. #55
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    So just to clarify, your mum owns one property that is mortgaged with an original house on it, then you borrowed money from her to purchase a removable house and put it on the block too? Why would it have to be removed if the block was sold, do you have proper planning permission for it? Is it classed as a granny flat, or workers' accommodation? Would it be possible to move it to a cheap block in a town closer to amenities, for either you or your husband to move into? And do you have any documentation regarding ownership of the transportable house? Sorry for all of the questions but if you could clarify then there might be an answer here.

  8. #56
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    Just had a thought. If you haven't started giving your mum payments for the house you don't really own it. You've more or less been getting free rent.

    If there is no legal paperwork giving you claim over the house just get up and leave your mum to deal with what is essentially her property.

    If there is legal paperwork see if you can get legal advice to transfer the house back to your mum. Perhaps your mum will pay for it. If you haven't made any payments, what have you got to lose?

  9. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Just had a thought. If you haven't started giving your mum payments for the house you don't really own it. You've more or less been getting free rent.

    If there is no legal paperwork giving you claim over the house just get up and leave your mum to deal with what is essentially her property.

    If there is legal paperwork see if you can get legal advice to transfer the house back to your mum. Perhaps your mum will pay for it. If you haven't made any payments, what have you got to lose?
    Hey! That's where I was going ... sort of ...

  10. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4LeafClover View Post
    re: your husband doing handywork around the house for your mum. I am just going to put it out there, whereby you could agree for him to do work around the house still, instead of CS ? That way your mum is ok and your husband maybe ok with it.
    )
    But then the kid misses out. How about Nanna pay a handyman for her own house repairs and Dad pays child support to support his kid?

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  12. #59
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    Or you move out and your mum and your husband take over the houses and their maintenance, and you look after your own rental?

  13. #60
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    The house is legally mine, but even if it wasn't, I would never just up and leave her with the payments, that would be incredibly rude. While we're not paying yet, I am paying for all electricity, phone, Internet, etc, so she would be much worse off if I suddenly left, and I also help out with things on the property (looking after animals etc), I would never just leave her here alone. She has been incredibly generous with supporting us through the house loan, and she's my mother! She's not responsible for the situation, I will not destroy her financially simply for my own gain. Moving the house cost over $100,000, it is a huge undertaking, one I will never do again. No one else would buy the house because they would not own the land, it only works because eventually I will inherit the land anyway. My husband can get a much cheaper rental because he doesn't own 3 dogs and 2 cats, and he would not want to continue to live on my mother's property if we split anyway. Hope that answers the questions and makes some sense. It's messy.


 
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