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  1. #11
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    Hun he needs to step up and be a man/father.

    You don't need to step and fill the void HE Does. Tey are his kids. He needs to show them the love and care of getting up before them and make this transition easier on them. Not easier on him.

    I wish I could give him a proverbial slap and tell him to wake the he'll up his kids need Him.

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  3. #12
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    I might be speaking before I know the full story here, but from what I can see, he is treating you with no respect or apprieciation. he should be helping with everything, and with everyone. there is no way one person should be doing it all. there needs to be some ground rules put in place, you need to become a team and be on the same page regarding the dealings with biomum, and all the children yours and his. I would turn off all interruptions, and sit down at the table for a family meeting, and then sort out between you both, where to from here. everyone has needs and everyone deserves to be happy, not living in a constant battle ground. hugs, marie.

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  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Jag I've known you a long time. I think you deserve better. He's not bringing in an income, he sleeps all day and you deal with his kids. You sound like the hired help hun.

    Life is short, be happy.
    Maybe I missed something I thought the sleep in and not helping with the kids/house was a one off?

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Don't let him sleep in until noon. Tell him if he can't contribute to the maintenance of his kids then he needs to move out.

    I feel sorry for your step child. His parents have broken up and Dad has repartnered and moved in with another woman. Not saying your partner doesn't have a right to move on, he does. But I have empathy for the boy.




    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Maybe I missed something I thought the sleep in and not helping with the kids/house was a one off?


    it is the first time I've allowed him to sleep til noon he's only been living here a little over a week will be 2weeks this Fri as both our exs take both sets of kids every 2nd weekend well they're supposed to I know I've been around on BH &known by a few for a while &had a lot of support from a lot here which is why I vented here had a rather terrible run with the ex single for about 18 months then got with my bow current DP & trying not to drag past issues into present relationship but I feel the resentment for no appreciation for everyone now due to my ex DP
    Just trying to feel my way through this all &feeling very unsure of if all & maybe we did jump the gun&I wasn't ready for all of this & then my anxiety kicks in & makes me question everything :-/

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    oooops I thought this was a pattern...

    As you were. *coughs*

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    oooops I thought this was a pattern...

    As you were. *coughs*
    nope it was a pattern with my ex DP my kids dad that's why I'm feeling so odd & unsure about everything & anxious cause it feels like certain things trigger what ex DP did & I take out all the frustration on current DP
    atm I feel like a Co fused mess who let me adult! I can't Adult what is this?

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    Default New to this needing advice

    Quote Originally Posted by jagamoe View Post
    I feel the resentment for no appreciation for everyone now due to my ex DP
    Just trying to feel my way through this all &feeling very unsure of if all & maybe we did jump the gun&I wasn't ready for all of this & then my anxiety kicks in & makes me question everything :-/
    Hey Jagamoe. From an outsiders perspective it does appear that you both well and truly did jump the gun.
    Hindsight and a degree of separation is a wonderful thing though

    I can understand how the situation could make you anxious. Would having a clear plan to move forward help? I know plans and lists help me when things seem like they are out of control. Alternatively if you think it will help a counsellor may be able to help work through some of the concerns.

    There must have been something good in your DP that caused you to even consider putting moving in together on the table so early. Hopefully a little bit of communication will help. Hey I just had an idea. Perhaps you and DP could host a family meeting (for the benefit of 'the kids' ) where you get the kids to set out some house rules. Listening, no yelling, taking your plate to the sink etc
    Last edited by VicPark; 16-09-2015 at 20:32.

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  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Hey Jagamoe. From an outsiders perspective it does appear that you both well and truly did jump the gun.
    Hindsight and a degree of separation is a wonderful thing though

    I can understand how the situation could make you anxious. Would having a clear plan to move forward help? I know plans and lists help me when things seem like they are out of control. Alternatively if you think it will help a counsellor may be able to help work through some of the concerns.

    There must have been something good in your DP that caused you to even consider putting moving in together on the table so early. Hopefully a little bit of communication will help. Hey I just had an idea. Perhaps you and DP could host a family meeting (for the benefit of 'the kids' ) where you get the kids to set out some house rules. Listening, no yelling, taking your plate to the sink etc




    yer I know he's a good man but hindsight is a B!tch unfortunately I kinda miss the "missing him" feeling now it kinda feels more like stressed all the time :-/
    I've told hi with my anxiety plans set times lists etc make me feel more in control capable &confident where he's more a go with the flow no set structure or routine kinda guy I knew this bwire bit didn't realize how uneasy it would make me feel
    I brought a whiteboard chore chart from kmart for all 4 kids we discussed what chores etc but didn't get a chance to explain it all to kids tonight with their mother calling half hour after bedtime &late dinner but I really like the family meeting idea I think that'll help heaps

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  13. #19
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    Update so I tried the meeting idea we sat & talked about a lot of issues we were both feeling & it was all going pretty well
    yesterday I went out for a few hours to a gfs place he went to his mates I got home before he did & decided to mow lawn & laundry to catch up on all going good til he rang his kids at dinner time when his ex had them on loudspeaker & was interrupting their Convo. DP got off phone obviously annoyed asked if he wanted to talk he took it out on me said no he didn't wanna talk I felt shut out &kept at him to talk to me & it started another argument feeling shut out I yelled at him & brouggt up all the little things that are annoying to me & how they annoy me & feeling unappreciated for everything I do again & ended up arguing again &I went to bed with the sh÷ts on
    all good this morning but I don't understand within myself why I'm bottling everything & taking it all out on him..... so I started taking my antidepressants again & thinking I need to get some sort of help to help me understand my behavior & why I take everything out on him but I dunno where to turn to for help any suggestions or advice ? I really want our blended family to work well &to not feel so overwhelmed all the time
    TIA

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    Quote Originally Posted by jagamoe View Post
    Update so I tried the meeting idea we sat & talked about a lot of issues we were both feeling & it was all going pretty well
    yesterday I went out for a few hours to a gfs place he went to his mates I got home before he did & decided to mow lawn & laundry to catch up on all going good til he rang his kids at dinner time when his ex had them on loudspeaker & was interrupting their Convo. DP got off phone obviously annoyed asked if he wanted to talk he took it out on me said no he didn't wanna talk I felt shut out &kept at him to talk to me & it started another argument feeling shut out I yelled at him & brouggt up all the little things that are annoying to me & how they annoy me & feeling unappreciated for everything I do again & ended up arguing again &I went to bed with the sh÷ts on
    all good this morning but I don't understand within myself why I'm bottling everything & taking it all out on him..... so I started taking my antidepressants again & thinking I need to get some sort of help to help me understand my behavior & why I take everything out on him but I dunno where to turn to for help any suggestions or advice ? I really want our blended family to work well &to not feel so overwhelmed all the time
    TIA
    Hi! I don't know your story and IHave no experience with blended families but I want to send som virtual hugs. Relationships are tough. Throw in exes and kids and it can be even tougher.

    I am someone who suffers from anxiety and depression. So I know changes can set me off and my normally somewhat cool calm and collected self just falls in a messy heap.

    I would suggest seeing your go to get a mental health plan. Just because you sound like you need to really talk to someone.

    And regarding the bottling things up and fights - it happens. If you can, just calmly write down your feelings, what you want and need from the relationship and the kids. Ask your DP to do the same. You can both read each other's lists and together figure things out.

    Getting the kids involved in chores etc is great. Also, with his kids they might lash out at you. It's not YOU that is the issue but they are trying to make sense of it all. Are they having counselling? It would be a good idea.

    I truly hope it works out for you.


 

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