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  1. #1
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    Default New to this needing advice

    Hey guys I haven't been on here in a a while since I moved back home I now have had a bf & him &his 2 kids move in with me & mine. I'm feeling really unappreciated atm be has just come to me to try to vent to me while I'm stressed out trying to get dinner done by myself at a decent time for all 4 kids & us telling me his DS8 Is upset & crying about missing his mother who's honestly useless & telling me his DS has said he wishes he was with his mum & they'd never split so stressed out I've flipped after saying very I'm the one cooking cleaning looking after them etc getting off to school(Inc my 2) while I let bf sleep til midday & his DS does not like how.I talk to DP cause I yell outta frustration & feeling unappreciated this has escalated to "where's your care?"from DP how can he not see that this is how I show I care by filling a void for his kids taking him& then into my house &taking on so much more than I had to & showing my care through everything I do I'm so upset & angry right now cause feels like nothing I do for any of them is ever good enough
    any advice is appreciated TIA
    Last edited by jagamoe; 15-09-2015 at 18:46.

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    Don't let him sleep in until noon. Tell him if he can't contribute to the maintenance of his kids then he needs to move out.

    I feel sorry for your step child. His parents have broken up and Dad has repartnered and moved in with another woman. Not saying your partner doesn't have a right to move on, he does. But I have empathy for the boy.

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  4. #3
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    thabks delirum DP also had a DS7 so I've dealt with his kids as well as mine this morning & then all domestic duties & still it's like I don't care that he had an issues he came to me with & I don't show any care at all its frustrating so so frustrating his DS has anxiety issues cause by bio mother moving back into the house after they'd split & being very unreliable his DD got here with her hair in braids yet a head full of nits I was the one who had to that it & I'm trying not to over step any marks but it's hard to bite my tongue all the time when I feel it's bio mums role not mine

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    I agree with Del, he shouldn't be sleeping until lunchtime unless it's a special treat, he should be up and you should be working as a team.

    I would be sitting down with him and making some firm ground rules, so if one is cooking the other is supervising homework and nightly showers etc.

    I do have sympathy for the children, it's really hard to combine a family and for it to work in a positive way, lots of times it's all the children who end up very hurt.

    I hope this all works out for you, if you can't work as a team though, it's much better for the children to ease out of the situation.

    Good to see you back !

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    Default New to this needing advice

    Those poor kids. How incredibly hard it must be to be torn between parents.

    Why on earth would your DP sleep in until mid day? Does he work shift work?

    Can I ask how long it has been since your DP and his ex split? If it's reasonably recent perhaps the kids could benefit from counsellIng.

    How long have you been dating DP for? Any chance it was too soon to move in together and your DP finding his own place and going back to simply dating could help? If this isn't possible perhaps sitting down and negotiating a co-habitation/parenting agreement could help. Or counsellIng (as a couple or as an individual to help you with some step parenting tips). Get all the i's dotted and T's crossed before going forward.
    Last edited by VicPark; 15-09-2015 at 21:42.

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    Default New to this needing advice

    Quote Originally Posted by jagamoe View Post
    has just come to me to try to vent to me while I'm stressed out trying to get dinner done by myself at a decent time for all 4 kids & us telling me his DS8 Is upset & crying about missing his mother who's honestly useless & telling me his DS has said he wishes he was with his mum & they'd never split so stressed out I've flipped after saying very I'm the one cooking cleaning looking after them etc getting off to school(Inc my 2) while I let bf sleep til midday & his DS does not like how.I talk to DP cause I yell outta frustration & feeling unappreciated this has escalated to "where's your care?"from DP how can he not see that this is how I show I care by filling a void for his kids taking him& then into my house &taking on so much more than I had
    I just read this bit again. Hun I know how stressful it can be when you've got kids running around, the place is a pigsty and you're trying to get dinner on the table. That being said if a kid is distressed you drop what you're doing, listen and give the kid a cuddle. Stuff the cooking - that can wait. Taking someone into your house by no means is all that is required of a step parent.

    It sounds like you are possibly regretting the decision to move in with your DP and become a blended family? Which is leading to resentment? If this could be the case please try and get help to sort it out as soon as possible. Prolonging and exposing the kids to yelling and fighting will only cause more hurt to those poor kids.

    Hang in there.
    Last edited by VicPark; 15-09-2015 at 21:57.

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    Is your partner a good guy? Does he treat you well? Because in all honesty, it sounds like he doesn't contribute much at all.
    Why does he sleep in until noon?
    Why is it your job to do everything for his children?
    I really feel for his children because they sound really unhappy and that's not an attack on you at all, it's more that your DP doesn't seem to be stepping up to the plate.

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    mokeybear thanks heaps for your input I think ground rules need to be discussed at length I only "let" him sleep (hate that term) cause I felt he needed it after all the stress of moving in ex partner's being unreliable adjusting to all 6 of us here now I'm feeling drained myself so tried do something nice for him

    vicpark thank you
    he doesn't currently "work" as in go to a job but he's a journalist running his own publication it kinds has felt a hit much too soon but I think that's git a lot to do with my own issues due to my ex &how poorly he treated Me & kids
    we've been together since Feb this year he moved in as he was paying $500 Pw for 2bed unit & I was always propping him up helping out just made sense to combine &combine finances I'm then middle of Centre link a proving partnered pension atm so $ strain isn't helping :-/
    & the other 3 kids were all good just his DS was upset but still had to deal with everything else it all just overwhelmed me :-/

    miss kitty I feel I'm needing to step up & take over where their bio mother isn't it's so hard to comphrend how she could have just walked away from the kids 7&8 years old I just don't get it
    he is a good guy treats me very well & even sat down with me before to try talk but told me I'm too defensive & I guess I am :-/ it's a lot to adjust to my mind feels like chaos everyday Bit sticking it out Is the main goal for me

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    Quote Originally Posted by jagamoe View Post
    we've been together since Feb this year he moved in as he was paying $500 Pw for 2bed unit & I was always propping him up helping out just made sense to combine &combine finances
    Hun - with hindsight that was way too fast and not for the best of reasons.

    I know it's probably too late to backtrack now however if your DP is a good fellow as you say he is, I would urge you to seek help to get you through the early-couple growing pains stage (communication, parenting styles, resolving differences, accepting differences etc). Think of it as homework for you two which will benefit those precious kids. Being an awesome couple and awesome blended family doesn't always come easy - give yourselves a break and ask for a helping hand.

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  15. #10
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    Jag I've known you a long time. I think you deserve better. He's not bringing in an income, he sleeps all day and you deal with his kids. You sound like the hired help hun.

    Life is short, be happy.

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