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  1. #161
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    You can't win in these discussions. Some people are more relaxed in certain situations than others. As I said in my earlier post, it's really up to the parent to decide based on their child and their first-hand assessment of the situation.

    If you say you like to let your kids run free because you believe it teaches independence and resilience you're told off for being smug. If you say you prefer to stick close to your child you're told you're an inexperienced mother and stifling your child. Can't win.

    If someone posts something about what they saw at the park, they are clearly having a reaction to what they saw and making some sort of judgement about it. So if you put it out there, you'll get varying opinions. Then people get over-sensitive about opposing viewpoints and take it personally. Can't win!

    While everyone should try to be respectful in their posts, others should be reasonable in their reactions. It's only a p!ssing contest if you participate in it.

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  3. #162
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    Just thought of an interesting spinoff... "Have you ever done anything that was, with hindsight, negligent?" I know I have.

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  5. #163
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    I was always confident in the kids' abilities at the parks we went to.
    I would put down a blanket, where they could see me, and read a book- glancing up every now and then.

    OP, you have no idea if those parents were watching those kids or not. So their backs were turned? Did you stare at them the entire time? I presume not, so you don't know that they didn't regularly turn to check on their kid(s).

    As for your, "I'm just not irresponsible" comment... just because we are confident that our children can handle things, does not make us irresponsible.

    If you truly feel the equipment is not age appropriate, stop going there.

  6. #164
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cue View Post
    You can't win in these discussions. Some people are more relaxed in certain situations than others. As I said in my earlier post, it's really up to the parent to decide based on their child and their first-hand assessment of the situation.

    If you say you like to let your kids run free because you believe it teaches independence and resilience you're told off for being smug. If you say you prefer to stick close to your child you're told you're an inexperienced mother and stifling your child. Can't win.

    If someone posts something about what they saw at the park, they are clearly having a reaction to what they saw and making some sort of judgement about it. So if you put it out there, you'll get varying opinions. Then people get over-sensitive about opposing viewpoints and take it personally. Can't win!

    While everyone should try to be respectful in their posts, others should be reasonable in their reactions. It's only a p!ssing contest if you participate in it.
    A(wo)men!

  7. #165
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    I dont care what other parents do really, unless their kid is hurting mine And they are nowhere to be found.

    Im a helicopter parent *raises hand*

    Id hover over dd on that equipment. She has fallen down flights of stairs cause she looks up and just walks. She gives everyone including her carers and therapists a "heart attack" all the time with her mega sketchy risk assessment skills.

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    I never really thought about who was watching or what they thought. If my kids wanted me near them I hovered, if they wanted to do it themselves I stepped back and let them, stayed in eyesight and hearing shot.

    They were both treated the same way yet DS is far less adventurous and possibly a bit of an anxious kid. DD is quite frankly bonkers and I no longer can watch her as my heart is permanently in my mouth.

  10. #167
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I'm not meaning to be a stirrer here because you have been nice and respectful with your posts. These words got me thinking though...

    I have no doubt there have been studies about the effects of helicopter parenting. To balance the discussion I think it should be highlighted that there probably have been 1000 x more studies on the effects of negligent parenting on kids.

    As to whether a mum who watches her kid closely on climbing equipment is a helicopter parent v a parent that has a good radar for managing risk, or a parent that sits on the park bench chatting while her kids climbs is a negligent parent v a parent that has a good radar for managing risk... Well that's a loaded question.
    There's a long way between helicopter parenting and negligence. I do agree with you that it is individualised. My kids are all old enough that I can turn my back on them for a couple of minutes but they also have differing levels of freedom due to their maturity levels. My second born does not have as much freedom as my oldest did at the same age, because my second born is nowhere near as sensible as my first born, therefore the freedom can't be the same. I freely admit to helicoptering when it comes to certain things. My oldest gets pretty annoyed that I will not let kids sit in the front seat of the car until 12 years of age. No other parent seems to have this rule so I'm sure I come across as very over protective in this situation but I am happy with my choice to be over protective in this instance (and other instances...such as my kids not being allowed to go to certain houses because I don't trust the level of supervision there). In other ways I'm pretty relaxed. My oldest has gone to our local park with our neighbour by themselves since age 9. The neighbour is one year older. There is a busy road to cross and I don't always know when they will be home. However, I do know that we know people in every single street that surrounds the park so know that if there is any trouble there is easy access to safe places to go. I also know that there is most likely going tobe a family we know at the park because it is utilised so much by the community, and I have tested my child's road sense enough to know that they can safely cross the busy road. I also trust our neighbour's kid wholeheartedly. Do I worry when they're gone? Yes. But I believe the independence is important. Especially for my oldest, who craves it. However, I could easily have a thread about my child on an internet forum somewhere because a stranger would have seen a 9 year old at the park without a parent for a couple of hours without knowing all the circumstances

  11. #168
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Just thought of an interesting spinoff... "Have you ever done anything that was, with hindsight, negligent?" I know I have.
    Yep.

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    Oh and ftr...I don't pay attention to what strangers are up to in the park to pass judgement. The only thing I have ever silently judged was a mum telling her daughter not to climb on the equipment because boys climb, but girls don't, and then complaining to someone else that her daughter was so hard to control and she needed to learn what was and wasn't okay for her to do as a girl. I wanted to take that poor little girl home and raise her myself.

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  14. #170
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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Party of Three View Post
    Oh and ftr...I don't pay attention to what strangers are up to in the park to pass judgement. The only thing I have ever silently judged was a mum telling her daughter not to climb on the equipment because boys climb, but girls don't, and then complaining to someone else that her daughter was so hard to control and she needed to learn what was and wasn't okay for her to do as a girl. I wanted to take that poor little girl home and raise her myself.
    Yeah. I would have judged the hell out of that too.

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