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  1. #131
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    Quote Originally Posted by DesperatelySeekingSleep View Post
    Im at the park. The only people here are me, dd1, dd2 and a girl who looks to be 3. Dp is in the car and there is another car in the carpark about 100m away with someone sitting in it reading a book but there are so many trees, play equipment and a toilet block in the way for that person to see this little girl even 20% of the time. It is an enclosed park but there are multiple entry/exits. Anyone could take her. She can only be seen by the person in the car on 3 of the 13 pieces of play equipment.


    Personally I like to be able to see my kids at least most of the time
    If I have pictured the situation you described accurately, then I would judge the parent as being irresponsible. I can't bring myself to understand nor support a parents choice to leave their young child out of sight in a public place with multiple exit points for a big chunk of time.

    I once was at an indoor play area (in a mall) and this little 3? Year old girl was crying, holding her crutch (obviously needed to go to the loo). I looked around, no parent. I asked the little girl if her mum was in the cafe just up from the play area and the little girl said yes (cafe was enclosed with a door, you couldn't see the play area from the cafe). I said let's go find your mum and without touching the girl led her to the cafe. I yelled "anyone know this kid" and there was a mum at a table having coffee with her friends. I politely as I could (because her kid was there) read her the riot act.

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  3. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    At what age do you think they should feel fear and work it out for themselves?
    Oh gosh that depends on so much! For my kids, when I knew they felt secure enough to not have me constantly there- so they were over the fear of abandonment phase- and that I had observed them pulling back and regulating their own behavior when they could see something was too difficult for them. It's still case by case with DD- if she's tired or out of sorts I'm a lot more alert, because if she is tired she can't concentrate properly and that's too dangerous to risk, for example. And if she's touchy or getting sick or something I don't want her to start crying over a little stumble because that will never teach her anything but 'I'm in a bad mood and now imma cry for the rest of the afternoon'
    For both my kids? Around the 18 month mark I took a fair step back, and now with DD at 2.5 I don't really watch her much at all most of the time. DS is 5.5 and I would be comfortable leaving him in a playground on his own for 10 minutes or so if for example I had to get something from the car or needed the loo. Again, I would consider the circumstances.

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  5. #133
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mambo View Post
    I'm inclined to agree the a lot of posters on this thread seem to be implying that those of us who choose to closely supervise our children on play equipment are somehow stunting our kids ability to develop a sense of ability, limitations, confidence etc which I think is hogwash. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but that seems to be the general theme.
    I'm inclined to think that we are just defending our position against those who would call us irresponsible. All we are trying to say is that we are not just ignoring our kids because we couldn't care less- it's because we genuinely think it's the best thing to do for them- just like some think the best is to stay close and protect them.
    I think you are inferring too much from what is simply an explanation for OUR reasoning.

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  7. #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by Party of Three View Post
    There has been quite a bit of research that has gone in to the effects of helicopter parenting on kids.
    I'm not meaning to be a stirrer here because you have been nice and respectful with your posts. These words got me thinking though...

    I have no doubt there have been studies about the effects of helicopter parenting. To balance the discussion I think it should be highlighted that there probably have been 1000 x more studies on the effects of negligent parenting on kids.

    As to whether a mum who watches her kid closely on climbing equipment is a helicopter parent v a parent that has a good radar for managing risk, or a parent that sits on the park bench chatting while her kids climbs is a negligent parent v a parent that has a good radar for managing risk... Well that's a loaded question.

  8. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I'm not meaning to be a stirrer here because you have been nice and respectful with your posts. These words got me thinking though...

    I have no doubt there have been studies about the effects of helicopter parenting. To balance the discussion I think it should be highlighted that there probably have been 1000 x more studies on the effects of negligent parenting on kids.

    As to whether a mum who watches her kid closely on climbing equipment is a helicopter parent v a parent that has a good radar for managing risk, or a parent that sits on the park bench chatting while her kids climbs is a negligent parent v a parent that has a good radar for managing risk... Well that's a loaded question.
    From your middle paragraph, it sounds like you are saying a parent is either helicopter or negligent. Correct me if I'm wrong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I'm not meaning to be a stirrer here because you have been nice and respectful with your posts. These words got me thinking though...

    I have no doubt there have been studies about the effects of helicopter parenting. To balance the discussion I think it should be highlighted that there probably have been 1000 x more studies on the effects of negligent parenting on kids.

    As to whether a mum who watches her kid closely on climbing equipment is a helicopter parent v a parent that has a good radar for managing risk, or a parent that sits on the park bench chatting while her kids climbs is a negligent parent v a parent that has a good radar for managing risk... Well that's a loaded question.
    But negligence is a whole other ballpark than sitting not facing your kid in the park! I think that's a pretty extreme viewpoint if you think that's negligence. You can compare negligence to extreme over protectiveness, which no one has claimed of anyone who watches their kids at the park the whole time.

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    Wow,who would have thought that going to the park was such a controversial issue! I never knew I was being watched &judged accordingly on my parenting skills!

    Some parents keep close by. Some parents sit back &watch from a distance. I think generally both are ok and are not going to damage kids toooo badly.

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  12. #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    But negligence is a whole other ballpark than sitting not facing your kid in the park! I think that's a pretty extreme viewpoint if you think that's negligence. You can compare negligence to extreme over protectiveness, which no one has claimed of anyone who watches their kids at the park the whole time.
    Not necessarily. It all depends. If I was to face away from my kid for 2 minutes in my local park I would be negligent. This is because I KNOW he's a runner and the park (bounded by roads) is not enclosed. It sounds like your kids and local park are different, so I wouldn't necessarily call you negligent.

    All i'm saying is that there's a looooooonnnngggggg line between negligence and extreme over protectiveness. There are studies to say both have negative effects on kids. As to where exactly a parents sits on that long line depends on a whole heap of factors that observers probably aren't aware of.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    From your middle paragraph, it sounds like you are saying a parent is either helicopter or negligent. Correct me if I'm wrong.
    You're wrong

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    Given playgrounds are spaces that are actually designed for children, I find it a stretch to imply that not hovering over your children in said spaces can in any way be negligent.

    My DD started climbing up slippery slides when she was 10 months old, I never swooped in and took her down or hovered. She carefully and persistently tried over and over until she could do it then lay down on her tummy and slid back down.

    Very young children can be extraordinarily capable and know their own limits if left alone.

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