My husband and I got married in March. We've been together for 8 years and one of the things that always linked us so strongly was our love of family and desire to be parents. After 6 months of seeing each other he told me that due to the chemotherapy he had received during both of his bouts of cancer as a teenager, he is now infertile. It didn't phase me in the least, he told me he had samples stored and I was always a firm believer in adoption anyway to help complete our dreams of a large family.
We've been married for 6 months, and we've found out that due to his father feeling "awkward" about taking him to the appointments to collect the samples when DH was 15- and therefore refusing to do so- we have only 5 ampoules saved of his samples, they need 2 ampoules per ivf cycle and they have told us not to get our hopes up that we will be successful. We went through the process of applying to adopt but we are ineligible for any intercountry adoption of a child under 12 months and my husband doesn't want us to adopt over that age.
Since finding out, my husband has been out all of the time trying to process this on his own, because that is how he copes. I tried to talk to my Mum about it, but as soon as I started she stopped me and said "you need to change your language around this, I can't talk to you if you're going to be negative" and that was that. My best friend is 7 months pregnant and has her hands full with a 19 month old- she simply does not have any time to see me, let alone talk to me about this.
I have always been so positive on this, but I am so scared now that we won't be able to have children at all and there is nobody close to me that I can talk to about it, I am feeling so alone, and so overwhelmed. I thought I might try a forum, just in case there's somebody out there who understands, in case i'm not alone. I feel like i'm grieving but I need to keep going to work, keep getting up every day, keep talking to people about random inconsequential things...
I hope to hear from somebody.