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  1. #1
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    Default Wdyt

    So it's my mums surprise 60th birthday tonight and I'm really annoyed at BIL and his wife.

    My family and DHs family have always done big celebrations together - so Christmas, Easter, milestone birthdays.

    So I know it's on Fathers Day but it was the only way my dad could organise my mums surprise party as she said she didn't want a fuss made.

    My BIL has said he and his wife can't come. The reason SIL is working. I know for a fact she isn't as she started maternity leave in Friday (she's 32 weeks).

    So I'm firstly annoyed at the lie : excuse. Secondly even if SIL was working what's stopping BIL from coming!? Nothing!

    My other SIL (DHs sister) also isn't coming. Her excuse they already paid a deposit for Fathers Day dinner elsewhere. I'm also a bit unsure if that's the case or it's an excuse.

    My parents have always been so generous to all of DHs family. BIL and SIL invited my parents and brother to their wedding at the end of last year. My DH has gotten his brother out of financial pickles in the past.

    When DH questioned his brother about not coming he said they had other plans and only found out about the party last week - another lie! They were invited 3 weeks ago!

    Would anyone else be annoyed? It's not so much they aren't coming really but it's the lies about it. I'm quite upset about it to be honest.

    I'm probably more upset about BIL because of the lies. I'm annoyed at SIL too but her DH is a father so it's plausible they've already organised Father's Day dinner. I guess technically BIL is as his wife is due with their first in 8 weeks.

    I'm not sure, am I being unreasonable?

  2. #2
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    Gah double post! Sorry!
    Last edited by Cicho; 06-09-2015 at 12:19.

  3. #3
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    Default Wdyt

    If we weren't all close then I wouldnt either. But given BIL has invited my parents to both of his weddings and are always at Christmas and Easter together (he's been aty parents for Christmas or Easter 6 times.... Never has he offered to have Christmas or Easter either.

    It just seems all take and no give

  4. #4
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    Honestly? Let it go. They aren't your mum's immediate family (unless I'm reading your OP incorrectly) and I've learned over the years it's easier all round if we don't place expectations on people in those more extended relationships. Eg my family all live interstate and my mum will often do little things to help DH's brother and his kids - little things they don't ask for and are always polite and say thank you for. If my parents invited them to a birthday party I honestly don't think they'd go. DH's family really stick together and support each other but outside of that they don't go that extra mile.

    I realise your parents have included these people in celebrations in the last but I'm sure because they wanted to not because they felt they would feel obliged to attend.

    Stop looking behind their reasons and just accept it as it is. You will only create more bad feelings. It might be fair to feel a bit of disappointment they don't feel this event is special like you do but you won' make them change their minds.

    I honestly would enjoy the night and forget about it.

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

    A-Squared  (06-09-2015),Wise Enough  (06-09-2015)

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    [QUOTE=Cicho;8283695]So your DH siblings aren't coming to your mum's birthday party?

    I don't have a large extended family so perhaps I don't 'get' it, but I wouldn't expect my siblings and their spouses to change their plans so they can attend my MIL's birthday?

    I do think it is being a little unreasonable actually. It's not the siblings mum or MIL, and it is Fathers Day.

    And you mentioned your mum didn't want any fuss? I wouldn't be going against her wishes and throwing a surprise party! [QUOTE]

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    A-Squared  (06-09-2015)

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    Doubled up! Sorry

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    Gah! Double post!.Sorry!

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    [QUOTE=Cicho;8283698][QUOTE=Cicho;8283695]So your DH siblings aren't coming to your mum's birthday party?

    I don't have a large extended family so perhaps I don't 'get' it, but I wouldn't expect my siblings and their spouses to change their plans so they can attend my MIL's birthday?

    I do think it is being a little unreasonable actually. It's not the siblings mum or MIL, and it is Fathers Day.

    And you mentioned your mum didn't want any fuss? I wouldn't be going against her wishes and throwing a surprise party! Mum says that every year and every occasion but gets ****ty if you listen to her and do nothing. So it's just words - don't do anything - not her wishes.

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    Default Wdyt

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Honestly? Let it go. They aren't your mum's immediate family (unless I'm reading your OP incorrectly) and I've learned over the years it's easier all round if we don't place expectations on people in those more extended relationships. Eg my family all live interstate and my mum will often do little things to help DH's brother and his kids - little things they don't ask for and are always polite and say thank you for. If my parents invited them to a birthday party I honestly don't think they'd go. DH's family really stick together and support each other but outside of that they don't go that extra mile.

    I realise your parents have included these people in celebrations in the last but I'm sure because they wanted to not because they felt they would feel obliged to attend.

    Stop looking behind their reasons and just accept it as it is. You will only create more bad feelings. It might be fair to feel a bit of disappointment they don't feel this event is special like you do but you won' make them change their minds.

    I honestly would enjoy the night and forget about it.
    I guess I'm just a principles person. Treat others as you want to be treated, also only invite people to things if you want them there and if you would attend their functions if they invited you.

    So if he did feel that way (we aren't that close) he shouldn't have invited my parents to his two weddings.
    Last edited by A-Squared; 06-09-2015 at 12:22.

  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    I guess if he did feel that way he shouldn't have invited my parents to his two weddings.
    To be fair though I would invite people to a wedding but not a birthday party. And just because I did invite someone to my wedding I wouldn't assume I would be invited to every other event they were holding no matter how significant.

    Just a question. Would you have been upset if they hadn't included your parents in their weddings?


 

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