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  1. #11
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    Just to add as well that until I hosted a family Christmas I had no idea of the effort and cost involved! Even if people bring stuff! Maybe they really are over hosting but don't know how to say it - I know I couldn't come straight out and say it, I'd probably beat around the bush too.
    I love the idea of a picnic or something a bit more neutral. No harm in offering anyway.

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    Default WDYT? Inlaws cancelling Christmas :(

    I actually think this is meant to be a nice gesture and I would love if both sets of parents (once we live in the same country again) asked us what we wanted to do in terms of tradition and our children. I know for me it would be really important to have my children waking up in our own home on Christmas morning.

    I have no idea of the distances you need to travel but for me growing up both sets of my grandparents lived close by. We typically did Eve with my dad's parents as they're Scandinavian and Christmas Eve is a bigger deal. Then, we woke up in my own house to do Christmas morning and then Christmas lunch was either at our home or whichever grandparent wanted to do it if other family was visiting, but typically it was our house and both sets of grandparents came for lunch.

    I would look at this more as them trying to extend an olive branch to see what you all want to do in terms of tradition and trying to take off any pressure that you may have felt doing their traditions. If you're happy to keep things how they are then tell them that. ☺️

    Eta: my MIL loves hosting and doing everything herself and I know there will probably be huge dramas when we move back to OZ and I want DS to be waking up in our home rather than hers.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 05-09-2015 at 21:51.

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  4. #13
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    as an opening communication about it that is a bit of a shocker.

    But, I would take it on board and suggest that they come to yours for Christmas instead. Say 'yeah thanks that would be great as you are right, the kids do want to wake up here and celebrate christmas etc - but Christmas is all about family so perhaps you would like to come here for lunch or dinner?

    families can be hard

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    I can see where you are coming from, but having had Christmas with both sides of our families, I love that now it's just us and we are creating our own traditions with ds.

    Maybe ask them about why the sudden change of heart as you love that you all spend Christmas together.
    Good luck.

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    I think it's s great email? Am I missing something. Very respectful of your own family units.

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    How is their behaviour otherwise?
    Is it possible there are some emotional changes going? Depression, self-isolation, anxiety etc?
    To me, that email is worrying. But that is with me not knowing what is 'normal' for them.

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    I don't think it comes across that badly? Maybe after 14 years they are sick of hosting or would like to do something different? I can see why you are hurt but they have obviously been doing it since their children were young and maybe they feel like it's your turn now?

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    Quote Originally Posted by lilypily View Post
    I think it's s great email? Am I missing something. Very respectful of your own family units.
    Yeah! I am finding this thread so eye opening! In a totally genuine way, I thought it was a really nice email.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    I actually think this is meant to be a nice gesture and I would love if both sets of parents (once we live in the same country again) asked us what we wanted to do in terms of tradition and our children. I know for me it would be really important to have my children waking up in our own home on Christmas morning.


    I would look at this more as them trying to extend an olive branch to see what you all want to do in terms of tradition and trying to take off any pressure that you may have felt doing their traditions. If you're happy to keep things how they are then tell them that. ☺️

    Eta: my MIL loves hosting and doing everything herself and I know there will probably be huge dramas when we move back to OZ and I want DS to be waking up in our home rather than hers.
    Girl you are on fire tonight! This is exactly what I think.

    I think they might be feeling selfish and don't want to be the overbearing parents-IL by insisting it is with them every year. They said themselves they know what it's like and they wanted the freedom to start their own traditions.

    I think if everyone wanted to keep doing what they are doing then honestly I feel they would be OK with that too.

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    First of all it's SO AMAZING to see you back :-)

    To me Hun it comes across like a nice gesture and a thoughtful one too. However, I know there's a lot of history with your MIL and that there might be other undertones that aren't clear to outsiders. I can also see why you'd feel targeted by being personally singled out. I mean women with newborns still eat turkey and mince pies (in my case ALL OF THEM)!

    Is it possible they just don't want to host any more? Or is it possible they are actually just trying to be considerate. Is this maybe the result of a comment or conversation that was had that you and your hubby don't know about?

    I don't know. The best thing to do IMO is clear your mind of any preconceived ideas and ask for clarification. Start with asking if they are ok and say that you were surprised to receive this email and go from there x

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