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  1. #1
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    Default WDYT? Inlaws cancelling Christmas :(

    Not sure if this is a vent or looking for advice how to respond or others that have been out in a similar position but I just needed to get this out...

    We received this lovely little email this evening-

    So dad and I have had a little chat and decided not to have everyone over for Xmas anymore. You both have your own homes and children now. We understand you are really busy this time of year and it would be really hard to continue to come spend Christmas Eve with us.
    Add in to fact xxxx (that's me) will now have a newborn on her hands, it would be such a stress to come out to us and not fair on her.
    We know it is important for your kids to be at home in their own beds to open presents at the tree in their own home Christmas morning.
    It was around your age that we wanted to step away from the parents and we wanted to start creating our own traditions and we know you will be wanting to do the same with your families.
    Maybe if you have time we can arrange to have a big family lunch at the beginning of December before things get too busy for you or in the middle of January.
    Have a chat and let us know what you think.


    WTF?!? We have never once indicated we wanted to stop coming or it would be too hard, we have enjoyed going over there for Xmas eve every year for the past 14 years. In terms of family size they have two married kids and 3 (once bubs is born) grandchildren so not overwhelmingly big....

    By all means if it's too much for them then bloody say so, but don't put it on us that it's for our benefit or it's what we want...

    Plus not wanting to see us -their grand kids- over the Christmas period at all? Offering a ****y little lunch weeks away from Xmas in return- it doesn't make it any easier for us no matter what time of year it is! They live local too so travel has never been an issue, and I thought our catch ups should happen more often.

    Not sure if this is MILs or SILs idea but we feel like we have been cut off and shut out . DH is devastated.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 05-09-2015 at 20:50.

  2. #2
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    Eeep. I'd feel exactly as you do. Sorry this has happened. :-(

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    How far away is your family? What happened when you were younger...did you always have a big family lunch with granny's etc?

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    I would actually love it if my inlaws sent that email. So would DH. We would love to have a Christmas just us and start our traditions, and have one less obligation/pressure at that time of the year. To me the email reads very politely and I would take it at face value that they think they're being thoughtful.

    That said, if your DH is really upset about it then he needs to talk to them and let them know how he feels, and that he would love to continue to catch up at Christmas. Maybe you could suggest having Christmas lunch at a park or at the beach so that they aren't having to spend their Christmas catering or hosting?

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    I find it's odd that they didn't call to tell you or Dh. How far are they? If you were to have lunch there wouldn't your kids still wake in their own beds, open presents and then drive there?

    Maybe it's too tiring for them and they would rather be invited for lunch at your house instead?

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    There has got to be more to the story. Perhaps another sibling complained, perhaps the inlaws are feeling ignored and/or have the ****s.

    The way I see it you're hubby can't really lose by asking them about it?

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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuppet View Post
    I would actually love it if my inlaws sent that email. So would DH. We would love to have a Christmas just us and start our traditions, and have one less obligation/pressure at that time of the year. To me the email reads very politely and I would take it at face value that they think they're being thoughtful.

    That said, if your DH is really upset about it then he needs to talk to them and let them know how he feels, and that he would love to continue to catch up at Christmas. Maybe you could suggest having Christmas lunch at a park or at the beach so that they aren't having to spend their Christmas catering or hosting?
    This is me too - I can see that you're really hurt by this and so I don't want to be insensitive but for me and my parents/inlaws etc.. we had to stop the big Christmas thing every year because my kids really do want to wake up in their own beds to their own tree that they decorated. We do see as much family as possible though - our inlaws come for brunch on their way to see other family or we see them for an evening meal.

    I think it's great that a dialogue has been started and if I take the email on face value (ie not knowing any back story, other issues etc...) then I would have your DH communicate to your parents that you would very much like to still see them on Christmas day in some capacity - maybe you guys could host? Or your DH's siblings and then all take turns?

    I hope you are able to sort something out xx

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    Maybe they just want Christmas alone for a change. Maybe they thought they were being nice?

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    Celebrate!

    Invite them to your place if you want to, they're being honest - if you want to host go ahead - and if DH wants to have everyone together then invite them over?

    Email is the new phone call, they're being modern and letting their thoughts be known without a highjacked phonecall, so good on them I say.

    PS - I have travelled at Christmas to escape my family at one stage, so perhaps not the most balance advice ....

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    Maybe they're finding Christmas stressful as they're getting older? How far away are they from you?

    As with @MissMuppet I kinda wish the in laws sent this to us! My mum has catered to us by doing a Xmas eve thing (Me and my sibs, step siblings + grandkids there's a lot of us). I'd love to just have Christmas Day at home relaxing and having a couple of drinks but DHs parents insist that we spend Christmas Day with them and are absolutely put out like you wouldn't believe if we suggest anything that deviates from Christmas Day lunch. Last year was a huge big deal because I said no to a 5 hour round trip with a 3 mo. Cue massive ridiculous drama 😣

    If it's that important to you though perhaps do Xmas at your house instead? Maybe they would like a break from it. I know my mum finds it stressful.


 

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