+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    976
    Thanks
    546
    Thanked
    343
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Do your kids hurt your feelings?

    For want of a different way to put it my dd1 age 8 often upsets me. At the weekend we were at the snow. Dd2 is 14 months and clingy and was coming down with something. Dd1 and ds went skiing all day with dp. I spent the days trying to entertain dd2. Anyways end of day 2 we all go to snow play area to toboggan but dd1 doesn't want to go so starts being mean. I was encouraging bub to go to Dp and dd1 says 'you are just trying to get rid of her'. I didn't get upset at this just explained I'd had a long day with her and it was nice for her to have time with daddy. But today we talked about her nana coming over from nz in the hols and she makes this comment 'oh good I think she likes the baby more than you do' I was like huh? 'Well you don't act like you like her'. This isn't the first time I've got this sort of thing. They all expect me to be super mum. She complains I'm not giving her enough attention and then complains I don't play with the baby enough. They don't want to ever tidy up but expect me to know where every little thing is. Sick clingy baby is still breastfed and atm it's every hour or 2 and all during the night. She clings to me. She's lovely but demanding. I reckon I'm great mum about 90% of the time but sometimes I get short with her or ask dd1 to watch her while I quickly try and do something. I know she's only 8 and doesn't appreciate all I have to do and might just have wanted a dig at her as I said we need to tidy her room later but I feel so sad and hurt that my gorgeous first born would speak to me like that. I was just thinking last night how things were going so much better and pnd is behind me and now I'm in tears at a comment from my 8 year old. Sorry this has just turned into a vent probably general chat not place for it....

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    4,222
    Thanks
    894
    Thanked
    3,219
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Sorry to hear you are having a tough time with your DD.
    But I think you need to have a think about where she is modelling this behaviour from.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to CMF For This Useful Post:

    DesperatelySeekingSleep  (03-09-2015)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    The Kimberley WA
    Posts
    4,622
    Thanks
    916
    Thanked
    1,180
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Perhaps it's an age issue, stage they go through around that age. My 7.5yr old ds has been quite cheeky and back chatting lately. He carries on about how we don't listen to him when he wants something and we won't let him have it. It's frustrating because we are listening to him, we are simply saying he can't have it. He also says we don't like him because if we did we would say yes to something he is asking for so he tells us.

    So yes he has said some hurtful things lately and not just to us but to his brother we don't let it get to us in front of him. Correct his behaviour calmly rather than make a huge deal out of it.
    Last edited by Blessedwith3boys; 03-09-2015 at 16:12.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Blessedwith3boys For This Useful Post:

    Freyamum  (03-09-2015)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,648
    Thanks
    558
    Thanked
    428
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Has to be an age thing! My 8yr old ds1 is doing this so much. He has almost broken me 2 times this week.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Sookie Stackedhouse For This Useful Post:

    Freyamum  (03-09-2015)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    976
    Thanks
    546
    Thanked
    343
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I was probably being over sensitive as I've still had no break from bub in nearly 15 months, no family here and dp gone 7-7 M-F I adore my surprise baby but it's been hard on all of us so dd1 saying I act like I don't like her was a kick in a sore spot its like how can I possibly do more unless I can clone myself? I feel our family could do with a shake up and not see mum just as house slave. But that's a work in progress one step forward 2 back... I'm glad to hear it might be just an age thing too to talk back

  9. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    976
    Thanks
    546
    Thanked
    343
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Blessedwith3boys View Post
    Perhaps it's an age issue, stage they go through around that age. My 7.5yr old ds has been quite cheeky and back chatting lately. He carries on about how we don't listen to him when he wants something and we won't let him have it. It's frustrating because we are listening to him, we are simply saying he can't have it. He also says we don't like him because if we did we would say yes to something he is asking for so he tells us.

    So yes he has said some hurtful things lately and not just to us but to his brother we don't let it get to us in front of him. Correct his behaviour calmly rather than make a huge deal out of it.
    Most of the time reacting calmly and firmly works but sometimes she catches me off guard with something thats so unexpected or so out of line. Have you got any standard reply you find works?

  10. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    976
    Thanks
    546
    Thanked
    343
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Sookie Stackedhouse View Post
    Has to be an age thing! My 8yr old ds1 is doing this so much. He has almost broken me 2 times this week.
    What kind of things does he say? How do you react? I feel like I need a parenting course for this stage even though I must've read every book I am still flumuxed 😉

  11. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    269
    Thanks
    207
    Thanked
    124
    Reviews
    2
    I'm wanting to reply but I don't know that I have anything really useful to contribute.
    I sense your sadness and hurt and frustration and I want to say that I'm sorry you are going through this.
    My first thought was that maybe "active listening" your daughter might be helpful.? Try to get her to explain what she is feeling and why -- perhaps her hurtful/mean comments are a symptom of something else going on for her. (For example, my eldest, who is 9, will ask to watch television. I say "no". Next thing she's being mean/antagonistic towards her younger siblings. She's cranky at me, but takes it out on them.)
    Maybe she is just commenting on what she sees/perceives, but she doesn't fully understand/appreciate the complexities? If this is the case, maybe trying to explain where you are at -- as best you can -- will help her to be more empathetic.
    While cheeky, insolent behaviour should not be tolerated, our children are people too and have a right to express how they are feeling or their opinions. Sometimes, it's a tough one to balance.
    Hope things improve soon. Parenting is one tough gig! Best wishes to you.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to kbf2plus2 For This Useful Post:

    Freyamum  (04-09-2015)

  13. #9
    ~Marigold~'s Avatar
    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    7,039
    Thanks
    9,662
    Thanked
    4,985
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Reading your post, I feel so much of your distress coming through. It appears that YOU are feeling like you're not "a great mum" and your daughter knows this so is almost going right at your weakness, hitting that nerve because she already knows how you're feeling within yourself. She's saying exactly what she knows will hurt you and it's working; you're explaining yourself even to us in your post, with things like "I reckon I'm a great mum 90% of the time" and to me it feels like you're trying to prove yourself when you absolutely don't need to and shouldn't have to, especially when it's an 8 year old child bringing all of these negative emotions back to the surface. I also don't think you should have to justify to her why you're asking her daddy to take the baby, you don't need to explain yourself. Next time she makes a negative remark just reply "that's not a nice thing to say" so she knows that a) she's being mean and b) you're not going to fumble and explain anything about your actions, because you're confident in the fact that needing a break from the baby is totally OK and doesn't make you a bad or uncaring mother.
    Has she ever witnessed anyone else in the family do this to you? I just feel like she knows your weakness (or perceived weakness, PND is certainly not a weakness and does not make one a bad mother, although it feels that way for the sufferer- I know, I've been there with my first bub) and usually people would be sensitive towards that.
    How does/has your partner dealt with your PND? Sorry to ask, but she may be mimicking negative behavior she's witnessing.
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 04-09-2015 at 09:46.

  14. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to ~Marigold~ For This Useful Post:

    BH-KatiesMum  (04-09-2015),FearlessLeader  (04-09-2015),Freyamum  (04-09-2015),nh2489  (04-09-2015)

  15. #10
    ~Marigold~'s Avatar
    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    7,039
    Thanks
    9,662
    Thanked
    4,985
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    What kind of things does he say? How do you react? I feel like I need a parenting course for this stage even though I must've read every book I am still flumuxed 😉
    Stop blaming yourself! I don't think you need a parenting course. Maybe your 8 year old needs a course in how to respect her mother and show some empathy. I know she's just a child, but I really think this behaviour needs to be curbed asap. Even at her age she'd know she's hurting you and I just don't understand why she feels the need. Saying that you don't love the baby enough is really, really hurtful, having that accusation thrown at you, especially while you're in such a sensitive frame of mind already must be soul destroying. I really feel for you OP.
    Does her father pull her up?


 

Similar Threads

  1. DS being hurt at Preschool
    By WiseOldOwl in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 25-03-2015, 13:03
  2. Hurt feelings - am I being too sensitive?
    By hopeful1986 in forum Issues with Family Members
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 11-11-2014, 16:27

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Shapland Swim Schools
Shapland's at participating schools offer free baby orientation classes once a month - no cost no catches. Your baby will be introduced to our "natural effects" orientation program develop by Shapland's over 3 generations, its gentle and enjoyable.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Softmats
Softmats specialises in safe, non-toxic, and durable play mats. The international Premium Dwinguler™ Play Mats and Premium Bubba Mat™ range of floor spaces are the best quality in the world.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!