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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by DesperatelySeekingSleep View Post
    Wow! I swear that was me writing about my dd1. She is 10 and sound exactly the same. Exactly! So I can't really offer advice, only empathize.
    Thanks so much. It's helpful just to know I'm not the only one. I'm a bl00dy good mum IMO but this is the one area (the one child) that I struggle with. Makes me feel terrible!

    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLivesHere View Post
    Subbing to reply when I get home
    I would love some tips if you have time!

    Quote Originally Posted by Renn View Post

    1. Let go of trying to control behaviour. It's hard, but we can't make kids do what we think is best. Set necessary boundaries and point out likely consequences, then leave the choices up to them. So with the homework example, you might point out what will happen if he doesn't do it, then leave him to it. See how he goes over a few weeks...he may surprise you. Where behaviour isn't acceptable...boundaries. So "I can't let you leave your bag on the floor. If you don't move it I will put it in your room.", then ata time when everyone's calm, explain why it maters to you and see if you can find a solution that works for you both, and a wayto help him remember.

    2. Ignore the trivial, praise the positive...like a toddler. Be explicit, especially given aspie. e.g. "I like that you stopped playing your game; I feel happy when we talk to each other".

    3. Take up one of his interests. Learn about it; ask him to teach you. The more you know about something, the more interesting/complex it seems...and then you have a point of contact.

    Edit:
    just realised he drops all sorts of stuff. A box in his room and everything goes straight in there if he leaves it sitting around? Gets it out of your way, and still his responsibility to deal with.
    Haha he would LOVE it if I picked up his stuff! No way I'm doing that!
    As far as letting go of the control; he's a very unmotivated person, if I didn't prompt him to do homework, brush his teeth etc, he would not do it. Ever.
    And the suggestion of being involved in something he loves... that's really hard too. I have tried in the past but due to the obsessive nature of Aspie kids, it's just not enjoyable. I can't be bothered explaining it in detail... more like I don't want to explain it- because it makes me sound like a terribly uncaring parent and I really hate saying that kind of stuff out aloud, but anyone who deals with these obsessive spiels on a daily basis will know what I mean.
    Thanks though for the suggestions!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sookie Stackedhouse View Post
    I can give you a big huge hug! Both my dh and both my boys are on the spectrum. My dh and ds1 are aspie the youngest is sensory.
    I am doing a language course at the moment and it is helping me realise that the only way to get in my dh and ds1's field of view is to shove myself there.
    Ds1 loves his tablet and psp so I have an app now to control them. He has to spend time with me first. Or do tasks if he wants more time.
    I'm playing turn taking games(connect 4) and getting him to answer and ask questions. If he wants a turn he has to answer any questions I can think of. If I want a turn I have to answer any questions he can think of.
    It gets boring but it is helping me get the lines open.
    That sounds like a good idea. Actually you've reminded me, his psych bought him a gift a while ago, it's a tub of conversation cards, you pick one out and it gives you 2 choices, and you have to explain which choice you would take, and why, and then ask the other person what they would choose, and why. He really enjoyed doing those, as painful as it was for me to listen to.... he would bark out his brief answer, then we'd sit in silence, while I gave him time to think to ask me for my thoughts... it never happened lol. I would always have to prompt him to ask me. Anyhoo, you've reminded me that I think I've lost them when we moved, but I'll have to try and find them as he thought they were interesting.

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  3. #12
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    Double post
    Last edited by CMF; 03-09-2015 at 23:01.

  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    Haha he would LOVE it if I picked up his stuff! No way I'm doing that!
    As far as letting go of the control; he's a very unmotivated person, if I didn't prompt him to do homework, brush his teeth etc, he would not do it. Ever.
    And the suggestion of being involved in something he loves... that's really hard too. I have tried in the past but due to the obsessive nature of Aspie kids, it's just not enjoyable. I can't be bothered explaining it in detail... more like I don't want to explain it- because it makes me sound like a terribly uncaring parent and I really hate saying that kind of stuff out aloud, but anyone who deals with these obsessive spiels on a daily basis will know what I mean.
    Thanks though for the suggestions!
    Its on hun. My ds1 is the same. Though only 8. We have to lead him around and stand over him or nothing gets done.
    The spiel is getting more as he takes in more information. I just wish it was something other than minecraft or you tube videos of minecraft.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sookie Stackedhouse View Post
    Its on hun. My ds1 is the same. Though only 8. We have to lead him around and stand over him or nothing gets done.
    The spiel is getting more as he takes in more information. I just wish it was something other than minecraft or you tube videos of minecraft.
    Thanks. As far as the lack of motivation and especially selfcare, DS's psych says Aspie kids often get worse with this during teenage years! Arrgh!
    Re. the spiels. DS and I had some 'nice time' last night; I took him to the TCG shop so he could buy some more cards, he was so happy and excited. But the spiel! I actually sat there and thought "I wish I could record it and link it here", just so people can hear why it's not easy to just 'get involved in their interests'. It's like they talk in a whole other language, with all the details and technicalities. It's not an interactive conversation in the slightest. But anyway, I know I don't need to explain this to you! I think I just feel the need to justify it because it's my sore point. *sigh*

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    When these kids talk to you about their stuff, they aren't talking with you, they are tAlking at you. And they are telling you every possible detail, so theres really no questions to ask... And if you dare interupt with a "stupid question" it gets them agitated, until you end up getting berated and spoken to like a piece of sh1t by a kid about a computer game, and because they are getting worked up... They start repeating themselves and saying what they've already told you again and again and again.

    I have a timer now. They get 3 minutes to tell me about new nintendo games, and i listen and am not allowed to ask questions and they walk off happy and it gives them no time to repeat themselves.

    OP- its tough. Its really really really tough. I dont know the answer. Im failing all 3 of my kids (asd). Im in no way coping with any of it. The stress over the conflict with EVERYTHING... Is close to killing me. Every. Single. Thing is a battle!

    Just know you arent alone

    *hugs*

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  9. #16
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    I do understand the spiels. I've never had to live with it though.
    OP, I hope you find some strategies to help. It must be so hard.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie_eyes View Post
    When these kids talk to you about their stuff, they aren't talking with you, they are tAlking at you. And they are telling you every possible detail, so theres really no questions to ask... And if you dare interupt with a "stupid question" it gets them agitated, until you end up getting berated and spoken to like a piece of sh1t by a kid about a computer game, and because they are getting worked up... They start repeating themselves and saying what they've already told you again and again and again.

    I have a timer now. They get 3 minutes to tell me about new nintendo games, and i listen and am not allowed to ask questions and they walk off happy and it gives them no time to repeat themselves.

    OP- its tough. Its really really really tough. I dont know the answer. Im failing all 3 of my kids (asd). Im in no way coping with any of it. The stress over the conflict with EVERYTHING... Is close to killing me. Every. Single. Thing is a battle!

    Just know you arent alone

    *hugs*
    This this this!
    On a good day I can say that the timer works but omg it's not something I can handle on a bad day.

  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie_eyes View Post
    When these kids talk to you about their stuff, they aren't talking with you, they are tAlking at you. And they are telling you every possible detail, so theres really no questions to ask... And if you dare interupt with a "stupid question" it gets them agitated, until you end up getting berated and spoken to like a piece of sh1t by a kid about a computer game, and because they are getting worked up... They start repeating themselves and saying what they've already told you again and again and again.

    I have a timer now. They get 3 minutes to tell me about new nintendo games, and i listen and am not allowed to ask questions and they walk off happy and it gives them no time to repeat themselves.

    OP- its tough. Its really really really tough. I dont know the answer. Im failing all 3 of my kids (asd). Im in no way coping with any of it. The stress over the conflict with EVERYTHING... Is close to killing me. Every. Single. Thing is a battle!

    Just know you arent alone

    *hugs*
    Yes! This is so true! I have learnt not to interrupt, lest he starts all over again!
    And *hugs* back to you too, I'm sure you are doing a great job with your kids. What age is your oldest?

  12. #19
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    My eldest is 10, i shudder when the teenage years come.


 

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