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  1. #1
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    Default I hate my husband

    List of complaints....
    If I ask him to do a single thing for the children, like drive them somewhere, he pitches a fit like it will kill him!
    He says he shouldn't have to do anything around the house because he works full time. (I work 30 hours a week at my paid job)

    I have access to money, but get in trouble when I spend "too much" and we often have to do a week of bakedbeans on toast, which I don't mind, but he complains.

    He complains about the food I cook all the time! I recently got organized (I thought) so I could get to the gym a couple of nights a week. I want to start looking after my health and need to lose about 20kgs. I pre-cooked some meals, curries and pasta, and put them in chinese containers in the freezer so he and the kids could feed themselves on nights I wanted to go to gym. He made me feel like I was commiting abuse!

    When the kids were younger, if we ever convinced him to come to a family friendly activity or school event, concert, award night etc, he would act like a bored teenager and make the rest of us miserable, so I stopped expecting him to go.
    He only wants to do what he wants to do, and we got used to that.
    Whenever I would complain to my friend (who I don't see anymore) she would say, "At lease he has a job and doesn't bash you". That is true.

    When I try to talk to him about anything...anything at all...he either rolls his eyes and walks away or explains to me why I am wrong.

    He makes snarky, mean comments at me under his breath.

    He earns twice as much as I do, and the girls are still at school, which is very expensive, even though it is a public state school. We could not even afford to rent a house on my wage.
    So, as I tell my friends, "I am waiting for the kids to leave home and the dogs to die" then hopefully the house will be worth more and we can sell up and I can move on.

    I am okay with that, the problem is that he has recently become very needy. He often told me we are poor because I don't make enough money, so I started a home business. I therefore work 30 hours a week in retail and spend the rest of the time working from home as a seamstress. I also take the kids to their after school activities and appointments. My eldest is have trouble with back pain at the moment and she has had to go for tests etc. I have always done all this but now that I also want to work on my own health (I go to counselling and try to get to the gym) he is getting all nose out of joint because I am not at his beck and call when it suits him.

    Sorry for the lengthy rant.
    I had to stop there or I would go on forever.
    any comments welcome.

  2. #2
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    wow. im not sure if you want advice or sympathy. wow. your title of the thread says volumes. you are not living a proper married life. it should be a partnership, a happy to be in each others company, it shouldn't be like a noose around your neck. does he have mental illness?? some sort of depression? or has he just never grown up past 14yrs. ?? I feel so sad for you, and I really wonder if you are doing the right thing in postponing your departure from this marriage.? your teenage girls might feel differently, and want to be rid of him sooner rather than later.?? big hugs. marie.

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    if this was me I would be heading straight to counselling. If you can't get him to go with you, you can still go yourself and learn some tools to deal with this situation or to help you make your mind up about what you want for your future. Best of luck.

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    You both seem very unhappy in the marriage I'm sorry things are so tough. He sounds like he has unplugged from both the kids and from you a long time ago and has a huge sense of entitlement. With your job, plus working from home plus the kids and house you are doing more than he is, does he realise that?

    When you say you spend 'too much' and you end up eating beans for a week do you mean you do spend a bit too much, or that you don't but he blames you for the finances when it isn't you? Why can't you afford to even rent a house on your income? Do you live in inner Sydney?

    Have you considered joint counselling?

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    Wow, sounds exactly like my ex husband.
    Would he go to counselling?
    If not, I'd be outta there. He's not going to change. And you can't live the rest of your life like that.
    I'm sure you could find a way to manage financially.

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    Men like this see women and wives as servants, not companions. And in my observations men like this don't change.

    I'm sorry you have to put up with a baby in an adult's body.

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    How old are your girls?

  10. #8
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    thanks I do go to counselling
    Girls are 13 and 15
    I am okay most of the time....just reallly annoyed atm because he can't let me do anything for myself. If I complain he just throws a tantrum. It is partially my fault because I have overlooked it all these years.
    I spend too much on the school bills. I was very naive about how much High School would cost, but it's too late to send them back!
    The other day I got a bill from the school and one of the items was MATHS.
    Maths! Isn't maths a core subject? It's not like you have a choice not to do it!
    It's for resources, Mum.
    Resources? What about the resource fee I pay?
    Well, the Maths fee is for resources not paid for by the resource fee.
    WTF?
    Last edited by blackdog; 03-09-2015 at 12:26.

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    Please please don't stay till your daughters leave home, if your intention is to leave. My parents stayed together in an unhappy, unhealthy marriage for "the kids" and to be honest I think it did far more harm than good. Myself and my siblings all have issues with relationships, that I am positive are a result of living with such a terrible example of a relationship.

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  13. #10
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    I think that the first step would be to have a good look at your budget.
    Working 30 hours a week plus working from home plus his income and you still have to have baked beans on toast weeks suggests there may be overspending.
    I know you said it is a lot to do with school costs but are there ways to reduce the fees? My understanding is that state school fees are not mandatory and while they request or pressure you they can't make you pay.
    You may be entitled to some government assistance in terms of rent or there may be more affordable housing that may be more modest or in a different area than you are used to.
    In my opinion I would not be staying with him. I would not want my children thinking it's ok to be treated that way or that they don't deserve to be happy and loved unconditionally.

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