I recived the following message from my parents via FB yesterday and it has really hurt me for a few reasons.
1. I do not feel I am in any way distanced from my siblings and family. We are all in our 30's and 40's and we can all and often do stand in the same room together along with our partners and children and all get along. Last time I spent time with my parents was last Friday when they had to cut the meeting off short to rush off and see a friend! Last time I spent time with a brother was Friday fornight ago, my parents were also there then. Last time all 4 siblings and parents were together was mid July. There were 3 parties involving grand children that most siblings were at in May and June that my parents did not attened as they were on holidays. From what I recall there has only been one Christmas missed from one of our brothers who was visiting his wife's family in another state. All other years we have spent Christmas dinner together. Most Easters are also spent together.
2. Seems this is very one sided. The door is also always welcome in our home for them to drop in, but they keep ranting on about their family home.
3. The whole point of this letter is to say that me and my siblings spend more time with our in laws then them.
Are they stalking me/us counting hours of who I/we spend time with?
Creepy parents... Lol
Seriously, how does the letter below sound from an outsiders point of view and advice on how to deal with the letter would also be appreciated.
Just want peace,
I would like everyone to read this with their relevant partners and any other family or extended family members they can muster up. I'm sending this in letter form so the message won't be lost in translation.
This is something that should have been said a long time ago and now Mum and I feel that a culture has formed that is allowing the **** side of the family to be distant. Now if this is a result of personality clashes or something that has been said then that is fair enough but I'm yet to be convinced that that is the main cause.
We are well aware that when you take up partners in your life that you develop your own culture and your old culture or your childhood culture seems somewhat strange after a while. That is fine, it is how it should be and we wouldn't want it any different. However, our culture or Mum and my culture seems to be lost in translation and the end result is this family drift, we don't see family near enough, especially the Grandkids and I shudder to think of the last time our kids have visited their brother or sisters home.
Now I would just like to spell out our culture or Mum and my culture so everyone can either consider this in the future or if you wish dismiss it. It's up to you.
We have a culture that we expect people to come to this house whenever they so desire. That is, to drop in as they go past or come out for the day or week without invitation. We expect family to treat this place as their own and indeed it won't be too long before it is. The only phone call we expect is for your own convenience to see if we are home or have enough food. We have a very spontaneous and disorganised life as far as that is concerned and if you wait for something to be organised then you will be waiting for a long time. Now Mum and I feel that this has left us at a disadvantage when it comes to family gatherings and grandchildren time. We find it very difficult to organise events such as Christmas, birthdays, family days etc. weeks or months in advance and consequently when they come around we are left out or those days are taken up elsewhere. We feel that this is one of the causes of this family drift.
We only ask that we and your other family members be considered when organising your life and given a fair go. I'm sure that if this were the case this family distance would cease.
I would also like to make special mention of ***** and *****. We feel desperately sorry for them both because of their separation from their families and I would ask everyone to also consider this.