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  1. #1
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    Default Why is it so hard for me and so easy for everyone else I know?

    It's one year today from when I picked up a script for BCP from my specialist that performed a laparoscopy early/mid August 2014 to remove endo. He gave me two choices - BCP or TTC now. I was not sure whether I was ready or not so I grabbed the BCP and, as it coincidentally was also day one of my period, I sat at home and stated at it for about an hour. I haven't used BCP for many years before then.

    When hubby came home from work I sat him down and told me what the doctor said. Hubby told me that he has been ready to have a child with me (his third) for 3 years but I wanted to finish my degree first I said in 2012/13. I don't know what it was but I somewhat felt ready and was worried that endo will kill my chances later on. We started ttc.

    A year has passed and I am still not pregnant while all my friends fell so quickly during this time we have been trying. So many pregnancy announcements. Hubby said I'll be pregnant surely within 2015 but we are almost September now and I lost all hope to be honest.

    I have PCOS and endometriosis (although removed 12 months ago). I am a healthy fit 28 year old living a healthy lifestyle. The only unhealthy thing is - I work a lot. I requested, and work agreed, to cut my hours. Little do they know I am doing fertility treatment. First OI failed already.

    I just do not know how to cope with my emotions and feelings of jealousy towards all those family members and friends that have children or are currently pregnant. I deleted my Facebook account so I don't have to hear anymore pregnancy announcements (as this seems to be announced via Facebook) and so I don't need to see pictures of precious babies or bumps or listen to stupid comments of some mothers.

    I don't understand what I have done to deserve this. I know it's only been 12 months but I still don't understand why it takes me so long when 85% of women conceive easily?

    My husband is pretty patient and I think he knows I am depressed which doesn't help me relax. He is not too concerned about the time it takes and just ponders along leaving it all up to me. If I need him he will be there and I know this. He already has children so I don't think he feels the big rush but he is almost 40 which worries me as I don't want him to be an old dad.

    I am constantly sad. How do I fix this? How do I be happy again with all the blood tests and failures? How can I ignore my feelings? Is there I way that can make mid feel "whatever happens happens"? Is this possible?
    How do you cope with the emotions of ttc?

  2. #2
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    Sweetheart, my heart breaks for you. I'm going on 5 yrs and waiting at the hospital now for EPU Don't let that deter you as I have some pretty complex issues but I have learnt a lot along the way and as a result I am feeling so positive about this one. You're are right, all these infertility issues are scientifically linked to how we treat our body. Dairy, Gluten, Wheat, Stress and vitamin deficiencies. They play a major role and many of us do not really take that seriously enough to do something radical enough to achieve tangible changes in our body. Well you have come to the right place
    for support ☺️Where are you? Are you seeing a FS? I wasted too many years with a FS who was not doing basic things to help me. I changed two months ago and it's been up and up from here ☺️ plus my sister in law is in hospital in labour right now with her first IVF bub... so I feel today is a great start of new things for us all. I think you will probably learn a lot on here about what to ask from your FS to get the results you need for your body. If you are in Brisbane, I'd be happy to catch up for coffee and chat. Take care, keep smiling sweetheart x

  3. #3
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    My DH and I tried naturally for 3 years, then Clomid and finally IVF.
    It was tough for me, because through all the tests DH always tested fine - it was all me, and that really messed with my head.
    The way I got around the disappointment was to plan two things - eg. Either I'm pregnant this month and that's my adventure, or I'm not pregnant this month and We're going to have a fancy dinner out with champagne. Either I'm pregnant this quarter (3 months) or we're going away for an awesome weekend break.
    I found that worked for me because suddenly there was reward/light at the end of the tunnel even if it wasn't always a baby. There would still be disappointment but not as heart wrenching - more positive I guess because I would have my "reward" and start again feeling positive, the ttc process didn't always end on a negative because for me the end of the process wasn't just that pregnancy test it was either being pregnant or the "reward". (Not the right word for it haha)

    One benefit you have is your age, you still have time for the fertility treatments to work.

    It's hard and no one has a real answer on what will work for you - good luck and I hope you find some peace soon either while trying or by falling pregnant.
    Xo

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to monkeymama For This Useful Post:

    beej79  (28-08-2015),Koda89  (14-09-2015)

  5. #4
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    Pcos can be a tough road. After 12 months of trying on your own I'd look at getting to a FS for some support. I have pcos and it took me 16 months on my own to conceive.

  6. #5
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    @monkeymama I love your reward system, that's so fantastic! I am totally going to start using that 💛

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    monkeymama  (28-08-2015)

  8. #6
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    Huge hugs, it's a horrible lonely road sometimes. I have been TTC for 4 years and in that time friends have had 2 babies, whereas I'm still here trying again and again. The worst is when friends tell me they are going to start trying so I need to 'hurry up and get pregnant'. This is from people who know how long I've been trying, so fricken insensitive. Then I start dreading seeing them because I know the pregnancy announcement will come soon and even though I'm happy for them it still hurts so much. I would kill to be one of those woman that falls pregnant instantly, rather then crying each failed month.

    Have you thought about what path you want to take? Will you continue trying OI or move onto iui/ivf? Has hubby been tested? I know you said he has other kids but their sperm count and motility can decrease. I found the best thing for me was to have a plan. Gives me hope and something to focus on.

  9. #7
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    Default Why is it so hard for me and so easy for everyone else I know?

    I have severe endo with huge cysts on both ovaries (largest 12cms) and was always told good luck getting preggers lady. My cysts would burst cos there was nowhere left to go. I saw many gyno's who all said emergency removal at once! I might lose an ovary or both in the process but I def needed surgery. I wasn't happy with that as I hadn't had any kids and I wanted them. I looked for the top endo specialist in my state and booked an app with him (he had a 6 month waiting list!) and researched my options in the meantime. I looked at all the research and medical journals on endo and preserving fertility and after 6 months wait when i finally met this gyno I told him what I wanted done. And he tried to change my mind and we fought and argued and he compromised and I compromised but abt 9 months after first meeting him, I'm pregnant (via IVF as hubby also had issues). I'm mid thirties. So I would recommend looking up the top endo specialist in ur area and having a chat with them. In the meantime stay positive, the worst thing u can do is stress (I know it's easier said than done) but u have time and it can happen. Pm me if u want more dets. Good luck x
    Last edited by NizzleRizzle; 28-08-2015 at 08:34.

  10. #8
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    I have PCOS & Endo. Took us 3 years to finally fall pregnant. After trying many different things over the 3 years, the only thing I was doing different when I fell pregnant was I was taking metformin. I'm not exactly sure if it helped or not but maybe you could see your GP or specialist and find out if it's an option for you. I felt how you did in the time we were TTC. I couldn't even hold someone's baby! Try not to be hard on yourself. I know it's easier said than done. I wish you all the best!

  11. #9
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    PCOS definately makes it harder!

    I hated all the announcements, I hated being told to relax and it would happen!
    Took us 3 years and iui to have our now 3yo DS.
    It's a long lonely road if you don't have anyone to talk to about it.

    Goodluck!

  12. #10
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    Wow I am overwhelmed by those amazing comments from all of you - thank you so so much! I don't feel quite so alone now.

    To answer the questions:

    - I am seeing a FS which also one of the leading endometriosis surgeons in Australia. He is with Genea. He told me that he reckons my biggest problem however isn't endo but the PCOS in that I do not ovulate all the time and, if I do, I do so very late in my cycle. In addition endo and constantly high LH often result in bad eggs.

    - I was put on 50mg clomid - no ovulation - cycle was cancelled and I am now waiting for my period or some sort of bleeding, if nothing by Monday I am in for bloods on Tuesday and there are three options:
    1. If E2 levels are below 150 - start clomid 100mg;
    2. If E2 level is above 150 but still under 300 - start provera;
    3. If E2 is rising decently, wait for ovulation and start clomid 100mg next cycle.

    - after 3 cycles of clomid he will start ivf but he says since I am so young he wanted to try the clomid first. I might however give Chinese herbs a go while on and before holidays as I can't be monitored during that time anyway and thus can't do ivf or clomid.

    - I will ask him about metamorfin but my sugar levels are fine

    - he says IUI is pointless in my case as he checked out my insides recently when he did the lap and hysteroscopy and all is clear and the swimmers should get to where they are supposed to

    - hubby is ok - not perfect but ok. DNA and anti bodies are fine. He is on something like menevit but better as recommended by FS

    I think I am in good hands but I am unsure what other tests I could ask for before ivf... I think ivf is the only other option and I might be lucky and it works right away but what if even ivf can't get me pregnant when I am seeing a top specialist? Also I can't help but feeling "why me" and "why do I have to have ivf"...? I know many of you would feel the same way and gosh reading you amazing ladies' stories makes me feel bad complaining after only 12 months...

    The only thing at least is that we could, financially, do ivf every month until it works but I don't think I would have the strength...


 

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