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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by bbhope View Post
    @Stretched: please don't see my reply as offensive. The reply is for OP.

    Yes MIL is a factor. As for other family members, I think it is none of their business. So I won't worry about their feeling. You have the right to decide who to know. In a vulnerable situation like this, non supportive member is not what you want.
    While I agree that ideally it's not any of their business, but if it is something someone feels strongly about then often people make it their business. And if OP chooses to be open with their child from early on about their genetic background, then they pretty much lose control of who gets the info. (Trust me - I've taught 4yo kindy! Oh the oversharing!!!)

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  3. #32
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    The emotional and social implications of this would be too much for me to ever consider it. Remember that your baby will grow up to be a teenager and knowing your mother used your grandfathers sperm to have you would could potentially cause emotional problems. It's not just genetics it's about identity that child will need to process this. And the legal implications should anything go wrong in your marriage/ relationship with inlaws would be a nightmare. No contract is ever air tight especially since the grandfather (bio father) will be a huge part of this child's life. People change, feelings change and you don't know how someone will react in years to come.

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  5. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    While I agree that ideally it's not any of their business, but if it is something someone feels strongly about then often people make it their business. And if OP chooses to be open with their child from early on about their genetic background, then they pretty much lose control of who gets the info. (Trust me - I've taught 4yo kindy! Oh the oversharing!!!)
    This is what would worry me, and that kids would get teased because it's so rare and unusual. People (and kids) can be cruel.

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  7. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScubaGal View Post

    Babies are wonderful. You'll work the rest out in terms of any family relationship confusion for the child later...
    Nooooooooooooooo......!..................Sort through the feelings and emotions with a qualified counsellor and come up with a plan of action beforehand. Put yourself in a position to succeed from the get go as opposed to trying to fix the volcano after it erupts.

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  9. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    The emotional and social implications of this would be too much for me to ever consider it. Remember that your baby will grow up to be a teenager and knowing your mother used your grandfathers sperm to have you would could potentially cause emotional problems. It's not just genetics it's about identity that child will need to process this. And the legal implications should anything go wrong in your marriage/ relationship with inlaws would be a nightmare. No contract is ever air tight especially since the grandfather (bio father) will be a huge part of this child's life. People change, feelings change and you don't know how someone will react in years to come.
    Hmmm but so many things can *potentially cause problems. I think kids can be a bit more robust than they're sometimes given credit for.

    And surely OP can time telling the kid so as not to have it shared around on the first day of kindy. It's not like there won't be other kids there anyway who are adopted/IVF babies/babies with mixed race or religion parents/kids of same sex couples/kids with divorced parents...

    Every kid is weird in some way. Some are just a bit smelly.

    Plus, think of all the babies who are now grown up who were raised as siblings because it couldn't be admitted that their young mothers were unwed at the time?

    Times change and being an unwed mother is not shocking anymore. I think likewise having been born through some form of assisted reproduction/donation won't seem that weird in ten years time.

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  11. #36
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    All I can say is that all implications will be mentioned in the proper counselling session. Who to share the info and when. What the reaction is like at kindy etc. one thing was brought up at me session is that kids at the kindy age are more interested in who has the best toys than how to make a baby. Good luck op for whatever you choose to do.

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  13. #37
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    Just a quick response. I am lucky not to have had fertility issues so I can't speak from experience here but when I read your post I just thought that it's a really great idea, a beautiful idea, even!!!

    Your child will know their genetic heritage, they will be biologically related to both of you. I don't think your child needs to grow up with emotional issues because he/she was conceived from sperm donated by your husband's Father, as some previous posters have suggested.

    If your husband is happy and positive about this and you and your FIL are too then your child will experience that.

    Your child's 'Dad' will always be your husband and your FIL will always be his/her Grandfather. Relationships between family members can't be reduced to genetics *only* so the idea that your husbands child is also his half sibling kind of silly. The reality of the situation is that your husband will be parenting this baby, irrespective of the babies genetic make-up and that will make your husband this child's 'Dad'.

    I believe the idea that this child will become confused and resentful about their paternity is a little strange and misguided.

    I say "go for it". It's a fantastic option.
    Last edited by Albert01; 26-08-2015 at 00:18.

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  15. #38
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    I'm interested to see such strong reactions to this. We too have azoo but were lucky enough to have found sperm through surgical removal; although only a few sperm were retrieved; enough for one cycle; one baby. If we hadn't & DH's father had been alive, or if he'd had brothers we would have considered it. I think I would still have opted to go through a clinic, just to keep a medical kind of distance to the process. It can be quite confronting for men with azoo to have to face the actual sperm. When it's all washed, administered etc by the clinic a distance is kind of established. I also think the good thing about going through a clinic (even with a byo donor) is that they insist on counselling. I kind of saw the counselling (we had counselling as we had a known donor all lined up & ready to go) as a kind of safety net. That if our future child had questions/concerns we could refer back to it. Essentially we had dotted our 'i's & crossed our 't's emotionally. We had researched it a lot & it was important for me that we could tell our child/adult child that we had thought/worked through all the foreseeable issues surrounding donor kids & had done our due diligence. I wonder if being a family donor could actually help donor kids when they have questions about their identity? It can be easy to sit back & say that you would never consider it, but when the desire to parent & to have a child is so strong why shouldn't it have a bio link if possible? I'm sorry OP, I don't know anyone who has done this, but I certainly don't think it's weird. Sometimes I feel parents of donor kids get a tough rap now days, after all they just have enough love & room in their life that they are willing to go through so much to have a family. There is nothing dirty or sinister about it.

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  17. #39
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    There was a thread recently where a family had used donor sperm from the husband's brother. I can't find it through! Perhaps that poster could offer some real insight to the OP by PM, if she felt comfortable, of how that has worked for her family. Does anyone else recall that thread?

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  19. #40
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    Sorry to jump in, but I've got a question about azoo.

    To the OP or others with hubbies with azoo - is it hereditary? If the FILs is the donor, do you risk passing it on to your child if it's a boy?

    If so, personally, that would make the donor option more appealing to me.

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