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  1. #11
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    I think it is a great idea! I completely understand wanting the biological connection. I think that you should perhaps have some counselling with father in law to make sure boundaries are understood etc. My sister had some fertility issues and I would have been more than happy to hand over eggs to her.

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  3. #12
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    I would never do it for several reasons. I'm assuming your FIL is an older man and while they can continue to procreate until they die their sperm quality does degrade. I would also struggle with the Father/brother grandpa/Dad dynamic.

    I think for it to work there would need to be a lot of time spent working out rules and boundaries i.e. what will the child identify FIL as? Will they know they are both the son and brother of your DH? What rights if any would FIL have? I guess it would be similar to that of a known donor, but it wouldn't be for me.

    Having said that, our long fertility issues were first endo, then DH having crap motility which we fixed. I can't imagine the emotions of Azoo and the difficult choices it leaves you with so I don't judge.

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  5. #13
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    No way. That gives me the creeps thinking about it sorry

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  7. #14
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    I think that is a fantastic idea, if you are all comfortable with it I say go for it. I know I would rather my child have a genetic link to my hubby somewhere then to some stranger.

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  9. #15
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    I'll start by saying that until you are truly faced with a decision where it is used donor or don't have children, it is very difficult to actually say what you would do.

    When we were deciding on donor (and what type of donor) we briefly considered DH's dad. Reason we didn't go that way were:
    • He was around 60 at the time and therefore sperm quality may not be great
    • What impact it would have between my FIL and MIL
    • What impact would it have on MIL and my relationship (rocky at best anyway)
    • What relationship FIL would have into the future with our child
    • Would he treat our child differently to his other grandchildren
    • It was all just a bit too weird for me
    Each person will have their own decision making process though, so you need to be comfortable with your own decision.

    If you go down the AI process, make sure you check out all the legal aspects. That is the good thing about going through a clinic, they have all of that sussed.

    While IVF is more expensive, the success rate is probably higher and therefore may be worth investigating further.

    I think a pp covered it well, I liked that the whole process was quite clinic and followed a process, which you don't get with an 'at home job'. I also think that if you go AI with your FIL, it does start to move a bit into the 'icky' territory.

    Anyway, best wishes with whatever you decide. There are quite a few hubbers who have used donor, so check out some of those threads as well.

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  11. #16
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    OP: I suspect there must be someone, who has been through the exact situation on the azoospermia thread and can give you some insight, you can link your post to that thread here http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/f...e67&highlight= . It doesn't matter what people or I say here. The most important thing is to choose the decision both you and DH is comfortable with.

    Infertility has changed our perspective (DH has azoo). When we started out, we have never thought about donor conception. Why would anyone go down the donor path if they could have their husband's child? We haven't been in the exact situation because FIL/sibling isn't an option for us. If it was an option, would we do it? That's the difficult question. I don't think it is easy to answer unless one has to face the exact question. One thing i can say is that I am still grieving for not having a child that's genetically related to DH. Don't get me wrong, we both love our baby and no regret on this part. I won't trade my baby for anything as it was a long journey with multiple tries to get to where we are today. DH has accepted the no genetic related part and it is more me having the problem from time to time. The recent documentary about donor conceived children has gotten me to think deeply. While we don't know what their family background is like but their strong desire of finding out their genetic heritage is thought provoking. I guess it is human nature that the more they don't know about it, the more one has the desire to find out. Laws have changed since those conceived in 1970s, 1980s, though.

    I am surprised that your clinic actually prefers you to do IUI. I once angry about not giving a choice of IUI but I'm glad that i didn't go down that path. I always only got 1 to transfer with IVF so i saw it as 1 chance as IUI. However, IVF not just give you 1 chance but the best chance. In the long run, IVF saves us more money with this interstate journey. Did they find out why IUI don't work for you? I have known someone who did few IUI cycles only to find out tubes are blocked. As for AI, there is nothing wrong with it if money is tight. However, the process is much different if you would have gone through a clinic even with a known donor. Counselling is a must so it sets an expectation from both FIL and your DH/you. How to deal with the awkward situation in the future etc. Also, they will run all tests to make sure he is healthy, sperm quality and count aren't an issue. They certainly will warn you about the chance of chromosome abnormality given his age.

    xx

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  13. #17
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    Thanks DJ Nette. I just saw your post when i finished typing. Exactly. Until one has been into the situation. It is very difficult to know the right answer. That's one of the reasons I've seek professional advices and spent so much time on the azoo thread in the past few years. My friends just can't relate. What DJ Nette has said above is pretty much what I would think of if there was a choice of family related donation.
    Last edited by bbhope; 24-08-2015 at 22:36.

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  15. #18
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    Hi. I have to start by saying that I have not experienced infertility so this is purely hypothetical for me but I think this is a great idea! I can def imagine there would be an ick factor while actually dealing with the sample but being pregnant with and raising the resulting baby I think would have less complexity then with a stranger as a donor. It depends how your brain thinks about it but I would just think of this bub as totally husbands. It would be genetically linked. All our children are a product of our in-laws (via our partner) so to me this child would be exactly the same just without the 'middle man'. I know I might be making it sound a bit to simplistic but my point is that we all look at things differently so if you are comfortable then don't be put off by other people thinking it is weird. Good luck. Xxx

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  17. #19
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    I realised I didn't answer the original question. I think do whatever you've gotta do to get the baby. It's all theoretical until you get a nice BFP anyway and they can be so hard to get...

    Babies are wonderful. You'll work the rest out in terms of any family relationship confusion for the child later. I don't think growing up knowing your Granddad helped you be conceived is any different than knowing it was an anon internet donor or a South African donor or a donor from outside a same sex couple...

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  19. #20
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    Default 'Father to Son' sperm donation

    My husband has azoo as well and we have 1 child conceived by anon sperm donation.

    For us using my FIL or BIL wasn't ever considered. They never offered either. Even if they did offer we would of said no.
    We are close to them both, they live within 5 minutes of us so we see them at least once a week and that is just to 'close' for what I'm comfortable with having as a donor. We went with anon donor because although our child won't get to know his donor till his older there will be no one else who will have a 'claim' on our child. We are both comfortable with our child wanting to find out their donor when they are older and will fully support them in doing it if that's what they want.

    One thing to think of is what would happen if you had a child and you and your DH split up? Would you be ok with still having your FIL as a major part of your family?

    Only you can make the best decision for your family but definitely get some counselling for all of you and if you do choose to go down that path then do it thorough a clinic where all the legal side of things are taken care of


    Come join us on the azoo page if you like 😄
    Last edited by two souls; 25-08-2015 at 12:42.

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