+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 5 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 43
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    5
    Thanks
    35
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0

    Default 'Father to Son' sperm donation

    Hi all,

    This is our first post but we've been keenly reading this forum for months; not even sure if this is the right section to post this.


    In a nutshell, to spare you the reading if you're not interested in the nuts and bolts of our situation - has anyone had experience with 'father to son' sperm donation? (technically father in law sperm donation but 'father to son' seems to be the terminology used in these cases that we can see by googling). After some thought, hubby and I are seriously considering asking his dad if he would be our donor. Has anyone here done this? Is anyone here considering this? Would you? Wouldn't you?


    For those interested in the specifics of our decision/situation...

    My hubby is completely azoospermic. We both knew this going into our marriage and we knew when the time came to think of a family of our own, we'd need a donor.

    We would obviously both love our child to be genetically related to both of us but made peace with the idea of anonymous donor via a clinic because it seemed the most uncomplicated way to go. Where we're at now is, we've tried a few cycles of iui with no success. Financially, we could probably try a few more (but it would be very tight) but we don't believe that ivf is a viable option for us at this point, both emotionally and financially. We don't want to dig ourselves into debt and then have to work our way out of it with only one income and a new baby!

    So that leaves us with continuing with iui at a clinic (and incur more fees) or find our own donor and give AI a go at home (seen plenty of websites and youtube vids with instructions).

    Hubby made peace with the donor via the clinic because he knew he'd never have to meet the donor, speak to him or put a face/characteristics to the donor number (unless when our child is 16 and wants to discover more about their donor). For him, he considers it a medical procedure, not a person behind the sperm.

    Neither of us are keen (especially hubby) of advertising and trying to find a donor who we don't know, but who we would obviously have to meet, speak with, do necessary health screens etc.

    Neither of us have any suitable male friends who we feel would be appropriate donors either due to the dynamics of our friendships/relationships with them or due to the baggage that may potentially come with them in the future. ie. mothers who may end up thinking she has some sort of grandparental 'claim/right' or partners etc etc

    Hubby doesn't have a brother, so this is where we thought his dad would be ideal. They're very close, have an amazing relationship and to be honest, when a friend mentioned it to us, I instantly felt very comfortable with the idea. I'm obviously not at all related to my father in law, our bub would have a genetic link to both hubby and I and any familial characteristics would be familiar to hubby and not those of a stranger we had either never met or who we knew very little of.

    We understand the side of the coin where some would find it weird that biologically our child would technically be half sibling to hubby but then, what is weird about a man raising his (technically) half sibling but not weird about him raising (technically) a genetic stranger.

    We are a very close family and would be open with our child from day dot about their donor conception and dad will always be dad and grandpa is grandpa.. hopefully by the time they're old enough to understand the mechanisms of donor conception the fact their grandpa was our donor will just be part of life and nothing strange. Just like some kids have two mums or two dads... or some have a mum and a dad and an anonymous donor, or a known donor, or a mum and a donor .. or whatever configuration of a family unit out there - they're all valid and they all work.

    We're also feeling like it would be better for us and our child (not passing judgement on any one else's journey or decisions here) that he or she will be able to fully know and understand their own history and heritage as opposed to always wondering... what their donor looks like? what is he like? do they have any other half siblings? do they have any other genetic grandparents? etc etc etc, the list goes on.

    We also are really comfortable with the idea that we will know exactly how many other people out there share our child's DNA (we're wondering if we would worry when our child grows up and starts exploring their own relationships, getting married, having a family) as well as being more comfortable knowing everything about our child's medical history.

    So, after all that long extrapolation... has anyone got any experience with this? Have you done it? Is your child old enough to understand? If so, how have they taken it? Was there any family opposition to the idea?.. basically any constructive feedback would be appreciated. Thank you.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Inner West
    Posts
    3,267
    Thanks
    1,892
    Thanked
    1,916
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 19/9/2014Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/7/2014200 Posts in a week100 Posts in a week

    Default 'Father to Son' sperm donation

    I haven't got experience with it but a friend of mine is going down the known donor path so a bit of a perspective there...

    I think if your FIL is happy to do it it's a great idea, the things I'd suggest to consider though are that you'd need to discuss parameters with the FIL such as how many times he'd be prepared to donate, how often in a month etc as I presume you'd be using fresh samples?

    You wouldn't want to start out with it being all fine and then have the FIL feel too pressured if you ask for multiple donations.

    The only other thing I would wonder about is what the success rates are, I'd want to do some research and see if there are any clinical trials that give a success rate for the turkey basting method. My sense ( and this is purely anecdotal from having read some of the IUI threads) is that even with a proper catheter to inject Sperm, IUI isn't terribly successful and lots of couples seem to spend a lot of time, money and heartbreak doing IUI and then moving to IVF in the end regardless.

    I guess what I'm saying is - if FIL says sure, he will donate and donate lots without it becoming too much pressure or a strain on your family relationship then great, go for it.

    But if you think it might get a bit much after a few goes if it isn't successful then I'd wonder whether you're better getting a loan or some help or signing up with a budget or public IVF clinic and going straight to the big guns with an IVF or ICSI cycle.

    That's just me though, I'm always in favour of going straight to the big guns to get the job done.

    Good luck though, with whatever you decide to do 👍🏻

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to ScubaGal For This Useful Post:

    sirocco  (24-08-2015)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Gippsland
    Posts
    14,663
    Thanks
    1,208
    Thanked
    3,839
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Each to their own...but I'm not sure I could. Wouldn't be comfortable with it.

  5. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Hollywood For This Useful Post:

    Calstar  (25-08-2015),HappyBovinexx  (24-08-2015),sirocco  (24-08-2015)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    265
    Thanks
    38
    Thanked
    126
    Reviews
    0

    Default 'Father to Son' sperm donation

    Not even a question - I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't want to give birth to my husbands half sibling - their biological father would also be their grandfather and their Dad would be their half brother.. I can see the pros but I just wouldn't be comfortable with it.

  7. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to ChelleBH For This Useful Post:

    Calstar  (25-08-2015),cheeeeesecake  (24-08-2015),fr3ddom  (24-08-2015),HappyBovinexx  (24-08-2015),kim85  (25-08-2015),sirocco  (24-08-2015)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    6,869
    Thanks
    4,776
    Thanked
    4,210
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    Each to their own...but I'm not sure I could. Wouldn't be comfortable with it.
    definitely not something I'd feel comfortable doing but genetically it makes sense. if there's no other options and you're all ok with it, I say do it.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to turquoisecoast For This Useful Post:

    sirocco  (24-08-2015)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    1,186
    Thanks
    481
    Thanked
    1,049
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger
    My DH also has azoo. We went with anon donor. For various reasons we quickly ruled out using DHs dad. Will reply more once my little monkey is asleep.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to DJ Nette For This Useful Post:

    sirocco  (24-08-2015)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    8,544
    Thanks
    1,351
    Thanked
    2,307
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    So you would be pregnant with your father in laws sperm ? I'm really sorry but I couldn't do that.

  13. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to sunnyflower For This Useful Post:

    fr3ddom  (24-08-2015),sirocco  (24-08-2015)

  14. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,694
    Thanks
    1,185
    Thanked
    3,209
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    How old is he? The FIL?

  15. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    2,057
    Thanks
    2,310
    Thanked
    1,390
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default 'Father to Son' sperm donation

    I think it's a wonderful idea.

    Seeing and touching FIL sperm would be weird and gross but I'd get past that.

    Having a baby genetically related to DH would be worth it.
    Last edited by babyno1onboard; 24-08-2015 at 21:03.

  16. The Following User Says Thank You to babyno1onboard For This Useful Post:

    sirocco  (24-08-2015)

  17. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    5
    Thanks
    35
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0
    Interesting to see various thoughts on the matter. I can see how the thought of being pregnant via FIL sperm would make some uncomfortable and fair enough.

    To be honest, the thought of being pregnant by the sperm of some random guy we found on the internet who I know nothing about makes me squeamish.

    The anon donor via clinic is ok because I don't have any knowledge of the guy and being via a clinic, it's all "sterile" and "medical" rather than personal - which incidentally is something I'm not loving about the clinic iui process.

    All food for thought, as is the possibility of not ruling out IVF, just finding the funds and going for it.


    To answer the age question (sorry, replying from my phone and don't have the posts to refer back to who asked) - FIL is 56.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Known Egg Donation?
    By Bongley in forum Egg Donation
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 17-07-2015, 10:39
  2. Replies: 12
    Last Post: 30-03-2015, 08:14
  3. I'm looking for some help/info on sperm donation
    By piecesofmyheart in forum IVF
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 04-10-2014, 13:25

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Pyjamas.com.au
With so many gorgeous brands and styles for every season, our pyjamas, nighties, robes, sleepsuits and sleeping bags are lovely for lights out and perfect for lazy days. Get 10% off first order using code bubhub. Be quick offer ends 31/12/16.
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Transition into Parenthood / Calmbirth Sydney
Julie's Transition into Parenthood and Calmbirth courses for pregnant couples will get you ready, prepared and organised for the wonderful birth of your beautiful new baby. Birth Support Doula training provided in 2017 open to all. Call 0401 265 530
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!