This is our first post but we've been keenly reading this forum for months; not even sure if this is the right section to post this.
In a nutshell, to spare you the reading if you're not interested in the nuts and bolts of our situation - has anyone had experience with 'father to son' sperm donation? (technically father in law sperm donation but 'father to son' seems to be the terminology used in these cases that we can see by googling). After some thought, hubby and I are seriously considering asking his dad if he would be our donor. Has anyone here done this? Is anyone here considering this? Would you? Wouldn't you?
For those interested in the specifics of our decision/situation...
My hubby is completely azoospermic. We both knew this going into our marriage and we knew when the time came to think of a family of our own, we'd need a donor.
We would obviously both love our child to be genetically related to both of us but made peace with the idea of anonymous donor via a clinic because it seemed the most uncomplicated way to go. Where we're at now is, we've tried a few cycles of iui with no success. Financially, we could probably try a few more (but it would be very tight) but we don't believe that ivf is a viable option for us at this point, both emotionally and financially. We don't want to dig ourselves into debt and then have to work our way out of it with only one income and a new baby!
So that leaves us with continuing with iui at a clinic (and incur more fees) or find our own donor and give AI a go at home (seen plenty of websites and youtube vids with instructions).
Hubby made peace with the donor via the clinic because he knew he'd never have to meet the donor, speak to him or put a face/characteristics to the donor number (unless when our child is 16 and wants to discover more about their donor). For him, he considers it a medical procedure, not a person behind the sperm.
Neither of us are keen (especially hubby) of advertising and trying to find a donor who we don't know, but who we would obviously have to meet, speak with, do necessary health screens etc.
Neither of us have any suitable male friends who we feel would be appropriate donors either due to the dynamics of our friendships/relationships with them or due to the baggage that may potentially come with them in the future. ie. mothers who may end up thinking she has some sort of grandparental 'claim/right' or partners etc etc
Hubby doesn't have a brother, so this is where we thought his dad would be ideal. They're very close, have an amazing relationship and to be honest, when a friend mentioned it to us, I instantly felt very comfortable with the idea. I'm obviously not at all related to my father in law, our bub would have a genetic link to both hubby and I and any familial characteristics would be familiar to hubby and not those of a stranger we had either never met or who we knew very little of.
We understand the side of the coin where some would find it weird that biologically our child would technically be half sibling to hubby but then, what is weird about a man raising his (technically) half sibling but not weird about him raising (technically) a genetic stranger.
We are a very close family and would be open with our child from day dot about their donor conception and dad will always be dad and grandpa is grandpa.. hopefully by the time they're old enough to understand the mechanisms of donor conception the fact their grandpa was our donor will just be part of life and nothing strange. Just like some kids have two mums or two dads... or some have a mum and a dad and an anonymous donor, or a known donor, or a mum and a donor .. or whatever configuration of a family unit out there - they're all valid and they all work.
We're also feeling like it would be better for us and our child (not passing judgement on any one else's journey or decisions here) that he or she will be able to fully know and understand their own history and heritage as opposed to always wondering... what their donor looks like? what is he like? do they have any other half siblings? do they have any other genetic grandparents? etc etc etc, the list goes on.
We also are really comfortable with the idea that we will know exactly how many other people out there share our child's DNA (we're wondering if we would worry when our child grows up and starts exploring their own relationships, getting married, having a family) as well as being more comfortable knowing everything about our child's medical history.
So, after all that long extrapolation... has anyone got any experience with this? Have you done it? Is your child old enough to understand? If so, how have they taken it? Was there any family opposition to the idea?.. basically any constructive feedback would be appreciated. Thank you.