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  1. #1
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    Default Really need advice.....almost four year old sleep issues

    I need a bit of advice regarding my almost 4 year old DS. He has always been an amazing sleeper and I new we would end up having some issues but it is getting ridiculous now.

    It started a couple of months ago. He would wake up in the middle of the night and try to come to bed with us. I was steadfast and put him straight back to his bed and for a while it worked, I would tuck him back in (had a feeling it may have been cold waking him,) chatted to him about things we would do the next day and he would go back to sleep and that was it. It started getting worse that he would scream, this blood curdling scream at 2am.

    I am ashamed to say we ended up giving in and just letting him. The problem is my husband starts really early in the morning and we both were walking around with circles under our eyes as we would not go back to sleep and worse his 2 ear old sister would wake and she is not nearly as easy to get back to sleep so I would be trying to re-settle 2 kids most times i would be awake until sunrise. Now we just let him come in, he sleeps at the end of our bed with his own pillow and blanket and goes back to sleep without a problem. Please dont judge me, I always promised I would never bend my own rules but I was desperate.

    Now my second issue is now i cant get him to go to bed which has become a much bigger issue. He had a really good routine of dinner at 6, bath at 6:30, bottle of milk at 7:15 and teeth and bed at 7:25. He now cries when its bed time, screams, as soon as you lave the room he gets back up and he can do this for hours. I have tried the following

    1.Cutting his day nap out all together

    2. A sticker chart

    3. Promise of a surprise in the morning

    4. Staying in the room with him for around 10 minutes just so he would relax and snuggle in and then sneak out

    5. Ipad time - an extra 15 minutes of quiet time with the lights off (night light on) and laying on his pillow.

    When this tops working it turn to threats, if you dont stay in bed we are giving the ipad away to another little boy. He just cries for whatever you threaten to take away.

    If you show him the surprise he will get if he stays in bed all night, when he starts getting back up, and you tell him he now cant have said surprise he cfries. I you dont tell him what the surprise is, it doesnt hold enough stock and he just ignores it.

    I dont know what to do anymore and I am getting so anxious around bed time. He is generally well behaved, but I am getting so angry at him, cause if you try to put him back in bed he cries and wont listen to reason. He doesnt seem to understand rewards, its like he doesnt understnad he will get it or doesnt care but will cry hen you say he wont get it anymore. I am at my wits end.

    I keep thinking it must be a phase and will grow out of it, is this true f so how long did you little one stop and what did you introduce that helped. I keep hoping when he can understand reason a bit more he will be better, but i dont know if I should be doing anything now. Sorry for the novel he stayd up until 10pm last night which is too late in my opinion. Problem is I work 3 days a week and have to get him up a 6am for day care so he cant catch the sleep in the morning and is exhausted.....
    Last edited by Meld85; 23-08-2015 at 22:18.

  2. #2
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    Default Really need advice.....almost four year old sleep issues

    The day nap has to go😔

    Go with what works. Couples sleep together but we force our your kids to sleep on their own. If he's no trouble in the end of your bed I say keep him there. They just was reassurance and to be with you. Don't fight it as it causes anxiety. Just go with it until he's built up his confidence again.
    Last edited by lilypily; 23-08-2015 at 21:40.

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    Firstly, sending hugs because sleep issues suck. I'd Highly recommend no iPad before bed. There's a lot of new research that says screen time before bed messes with sleep patterns and also decreases brain productivity the following day. I'd personally ditch that and go with something more old fashioned like books/ magazine to flip through.

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    My advice - cut the day nap. Cut the threats. Cut the bribes. Definitely cut the ipad and games etc at bedtime. Take him to bed & stay with him until he falls asleep. He sounds scared &like he wants mummy. Enforce a bed time & when he is in bed,he must lie quietly - dont play around and talk to him,but just be there. When he is comfortable & goinf to sleep well,tell him'Im just doing the dishes,then I will be back. You lie here &wait for me'. Leave for 5 mins & then return to him. If he is happy sleeping at the foot of your bed when he wakes in the night - let him! He wont be doing it forever.

    One last suggestion - maybe he needs a night light. But no electronics through the night. No ipad or tv or even midnight chats - night is for sleeping,day is for play and chat.

    This is only what I would do, so think about what feels right for YOUR family.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lilypily View Post
    The day nap has to go😔

    Go with what works. Couples sleep together but we force our your kids to sleep on their own. If he's no trouble in the end of your bed I say keep him there. They just was reassurance and to be with you. Don't fight it as it causes anxiety. Just go with it until he's built up his confidence again.
    Thanks Lilypily - I actually agree it's the going to bed issues bothering me alot more than the sleeping at the end of our bed.

    I had a friend in school and at the age of 13 she would still go into her parents bed at night. That story really stuck with me and I know it's stupid but I freak out if I allow this at the moment how do I know when to stop it???

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jodiet768 View Post
    Firstly, sending hugs because sleep issues suck. I'd Highly recommend no iPad before bed. There's a lot of new research that says screen time before bed messes with sleep patterns and also decreases brain productivity the following day. I'd personally ditch that and go with something more old fashioned like books/ magazine to flip through.
    Thanks Jodie - yeah the iPad has already gone. It was just a way to get him to go to bed and stay there with the lights off... Silly me thought he would fall asleep on the iPad... Once I realised he wouldn't I cut it.

    Didn't know that study but good to know. I tried books but they didn't excite him as much...

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    Default Really need advice.....almost four year old sleep issues

    Quote Originally Posted by cheeeeesecake View Post
    My advice - cut the day nap. Cut the threats. Cut the bribes. Definitely cut the ipad and games etc at bedtime. Take him to bed & stay with him until he falls asleep. He sounds scared &like he wants mummy. Enforce a bed time & when he is in bed,he must lie quietly - dont play around and talk to him,but just be there. When he is comfortable & goinf to sleep well,tell him'Im just doing the dishes,then I will be back. You lie here &wait for me'. Leave for 5 mins & then return to him. If he is happy sleeping at the foot of your bed when he wakes in the night - let him! He wont be doing it forever.

    One last suggestion - maybe he needs a night light. But no electronics through the night. No ipad or tv or even midnight chats - night is for sleeping,day is for play and chat.

    This is only what I would do, so think about what feels right for YOUR family.
    Day naps have been gone for a while now. I thought he would be so tired but little kid has stamina.

    He also does has a night light and has for a while so I don't think that is it.

    I will try the staying in the room idea...sounds like a good idea :-)

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    Default Really need advice.....almost four year old sleep issues

    It sounds like he's scared of being alone and/or the dark. Maybe try leaving the light on in his room (the full light not just a night light) and staying with him until he falls asleep. If he wakes up in the middle of the night scared there's nothing wrong with him staying in your bed if it works for your family.
    Last edited by babyno1onboard; 23-08-2015 at 22:34.

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  13. #9
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    No judgement from me re co-sleeping!! When DH is away DS & DD (8&4) both sleep in my bed with me. DD still often comes into our bed and sometimes if DH has an early start then I ask him to get DD for me so we can have cuddles in bed. DS was 4.5 before he slept in his own bed all night.

    DD doesn't like going to sleep on her own in the dark. She has a dimmer in her room so the light is on just dimmed very low. I also got some Winnie the Pooh stories on my iPod which is played next to her bed. When she hated going to sleep by herself we did this so she could have a focus - she had to close her eyes and listen to the stories. It worked a treat. It was a talking book of Alan Bennett reading Winnie the Pooh.

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    Thanks so much ladies - some ideas for me to try which I appreciate.

    Just bunking for the morning crowd... My other question is 'If this did happen to you around a similar age... How long did it last?'


 

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