To my eyes if you were both happy with 50/50 then you should do 50/50 during the time you are both available to be carers which is 19 days, which is 9 days each however you want to break it up.
Should his circumstances change then you will renegotiate. I also agree there should be some weekend in there for him
My DP and his ex are in a similar situation with DP doing FIFO. The kids are older now but the youngest was almost 4 when he started coming to stay with us for long periods of time. Looking back on he situation (while DP and his ex were fine with it all) the 4 year old didn't really understand what was going on and I don't think he really understood that his parents had split up as he was used to his dad being away for long periods for work. He missed his mum. It wasn't really fair on the poor kid. The 6 year old coped much better.
I would opt for something that is least disruptive to the kids ie no swapping on school nights
I dotn have any experience with this but my first thought would be about disrupting the kids too much. Wouldnt only one change be better for the kids? As in rather backwards and forwards twice, just once?
I would be more inclined to let him have the first few days he gets home to himself, a big stretch with the kids then last last few days to himself before he goes back to work.
Why not just try it. If it doesnt work out you can always change it.
I would be getting professional advice, it's a tricky situation. But I definitely feel that what he has suggested would be really hard on this kids.
I wouldn't really know what to suggest tbh.
What a difficult situation.
Id be seeking the input of professionals as to what would be the least disruptive for the children but still encourages their relationship with their father when he is home.
Yes I agree that it's a difficult situation. Because the kids are used to having their mother around most of the time, it would be hard for them to spend long periods of time away from you. Maybe you should try breaking up his time over his 19 days so, for example, 3 or 4 days with him and then 1 or 2 days with you? That way he can still have lots of time with the kids but they don't spend long stretches of time away from you. Maybe you could have an arrangement where he picks them up from school everyday as well and spends some time with them after school before they go to your place for dinner or something like that?
I know that he probably feels that he spends 21 days away from his kids and they should therefore be with him when he's here, but that's not always what is best for them. You need to find a way for them to spend time with him without feeling completely cut off from you because you're clearly their primary attachment figure.
I agree with others that speaking to a professional may help. Maybe you could both see a counsellor together to discuss what would work best for your children? You should also try mediation.
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