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  1. #1
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    Default Custody. Am I being unreasonable?

    Hi all
    Im just after some advice. to keep a long story short, dh and i split up in march this year. we have ben living in the same house with DD1 who is 8, DS who is 5 and dd2 who is 4.

    This weekend he is moving into his own place and we have begun talking about when he will have the kids.

    Dh work FIFO 21 days on and 19 days at home.
    When he is away for those 21 days i obvously have the kids full-time as he is not in the country. When he comes home on his 19 days off he wants to have the kids for 7 days straight then I have the kids for 2 days and he has the for the remaining 10 days.

    I am really not happy about this! am i being totally unreasonable. I never want to deny him his kids but i am not comfortable only seeing the kids for 2 days out of 19. Now i know i get them for 3 weeks straight but that is not by choice. Its out of necessity. If he had a regular job we would be doing 50/50 shared care with no problem at all.

    My suggestion to him was for him to have the kids for 8 days straight, then I have the kids for 5 days then he has for them the remaining 6 days. I think this a a pretty fair arangment.

    Im really worried that we are not going to be able to work this out and i dont want him to take the kids and give me no choice but to see them for 2 days. Im worried that if we end up having to go to court the judge might agree with him.

    Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
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    So out of a 3 weeks period you'd have the kids one week end?

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    Hmm im not sure if you're being unreasonable but im not sure i would like that either. Would something work like he has them monday to friday and then you have them saturday and sunday just for the days he is home?

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    The part that is confusing is that you'd be happy with 50/50 but not happy with the current suggestion which has you having more than 50% custody.

    Is it being away from your kids for 10 days in a row that's the issue? That is a long time... Maybe you could have dinner with them or a something half way through that stretch?

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to babyno1onboard For This Useful Post:

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  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsBid View Post
    Hmm im not sure if you're being unreasonable but im not sure i would like that either. Would something work like he has them monday to friday and then you have them saturday and sunday just for the days he is home?
    It wouldn't be very fair on the FIFO parent to never have the kids over on the week end.

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    I would wonder how your kids would cope with the arrangement he suggested. Given they have always been used to you being around 100% of the time, and then as a solo parent for 50% of the time, not seeing you at all for 17 days might be tough for them.

    Can you do a trial run of ex having them for 7 days or something and see how the kids go with an extended time without you?

    A tough situation, I hope you find a solution you are happy with. I personally think he chose fifo and to be away from your kids for extended periods, but you did not, so why should you now have to go through this? I would find it so hard to be away from my lo for so long, my heart would ache the whole time surely a court would see that this arrangement suits only him.

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    Sorry no advice but hugs. A difficult situation.

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    What about if he has them 7 days, you have them 3 days, he has them 8 days and you get them back? If he's FIFO going out of the country, that last day would probably be useful to have to himself.

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    I would talk to a child psychologist and see what they think the best arrangement would be for the kids.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    I would talk to a child psychologist and see what they think the best arrangement would be for the kids.
    ^this

    My initial thoughts were that it might be too disruptive for the kids.

    And he's fifo...so why does it matter whether he has them weekends on not? Doesn't he have 19 days off or am I misunderstanding fifo?

    Eta. Oops forgot kids have school. Thanks babyno1onboard.
    Last edited by AdornedWithCats; 22-08-2015 at 09:20.


 

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