Having your other child/ren at the birth?

**SassyMummy** · 07-12-2006 15:15

I'm not pregnant, but in late 2008, I hope to TTC. If all goes well, this would mean that DD would be 4-ish when I'd give birth to my 2nd child.

I'm hoping very much for a VBAC, and am intent on pretty much 100% refusing caesarean on the basis of "just in case." (I had my first c-sec as a "just in case" thing... "just in case she dies from being overdue."

). So hopefully, I'll be birthing vaginally, in a hospital (not interested in homebirth, and birth centres are often not too VBAC-friendly).

I was thinking about whether or not I should bring DD in to the birthing room when I give birth. She'll only be young, so I wouldn't want ot frighten her... but at the same time, I want her to experience the whole birthing thing... to see how positive and natural it is... so that hopefully, when she's an adult and having babies, she'll trust in her body's ability to have a VB and go for it without (too much) worry.

My question is, would a 4-year-old be too young to witness such an event? Would her being there inhibit me, or somewhat relax me? I mean, I wonder if I'll try to relax more for her sake (so I don't scare her with all of my crazy yelling and screaming), but would that help or hinder me?

Do you think it would be a good idea, or a bad one?

**ButterflyGirls** · 07-12-2006 15:39

Hi sassymummy,

I thought about this when i was pregnant with DD#2. DD#1 was 3 and understood exactly where babies come from! She would even split your legs and point to where it came from. Sorry TMI, but she seriously understood.

We used to watch the DVD of The Human Body and i would explain everything to her. She even watched the birth and labour process.

In the end i chose not to, just in case something did go wrong. It was pretty "messy" in the end for me. I really do think that it would have freaked her out. Mummy with blood everywhere etc. I also thought that i would be constantly worrying about what she was touching and what buttons she would be pushing!!

Well, that's just my opinion anyway.

**Mamaduke** · 07-12-2006 15:52

Jesse has just turned 5 in September and if I was pregnant and giving birth I would not want him to be there.
I don't think that at age 4 they can understand that the pain is for a reason and I honestly think that the sight of their Mummy in pain would cause a child distress (my own Mum wouldn't come in when I was in labour - she knew she wouldn't be able to cope!) and also...you're trying to give birth, if your child starts to get upset your natural reaction would be to comfort them...knowing that your child is with someone who you trust while you gave birth would ease your mind and allow you to focus.

**shed** · 07-12-2006 15:58

I want to birth at home next time so chances are DS will be in the house somewhere, but I wouldn't want him in the actual room.

The baby being born deserves to have me all to herself (himself?, no herself!) when she is born because she is going to have to share me with her brother for the whole of the rest of her life.

Its her moment of glory. All hers. DS has had his.

**Minke** · 07-12-2006 16:16

As one of those people in antenatal classes that covered my eyes when the birth vid came on... no.

My DD was 5 1/2 and i couldn't think of anything worse (mind you i didn't want anyone but my DH there) She probably would have started telling me "mummy you're doing it wrong"...

And seeing how much i swore when in labour with her...

AM · 07-12-2006 16:33

Tyler was 23 months when I gave birth to Louie at home, and he was marvellous. He just played, cruised in and out of the room, snacked and gave me funny looks when I was making a lot of noise!
We had a doula to help out with keeping Tyler happy and entertained, he was not actuallt in the room when Louie popped out, but that was just chance, he would have been if he wished. - He was too busy wanting some shortbread cookies or something..

However, I don't think I would take a sibling to a hospy birth, as it is a strange environment, and i think the success of siblings at homebirths is down to the fact that they are in a familiar, safe place with all people they know, so it is easier for them to be relaxed, even if mum does start making wierd noises.

**Seekrit** · 07-12-2006 22:22

I screamed like a walrus... there's no way I'm going to let my children see me in that state - however if I was a nice, calm, quiet person I may consider it for the next one.

**reAllytee** · 07-12-2006 22:45

Originally Posted by Mamaduke

Jesse has just turned 5 in September and if I was pregnant and giving birth I would not want him to be there.
I don't think that at age 4 they can understand that the pain is for a reason and I honestly think that the sight of their Mummy in pain would cause a child distress (my own Mum wouldn't come in when I was in labour - she knew she wouldn't be able to cope!) and also...you're trying to give birth, if your child starts to get upset your natural reaction would be to comfort them...knowing that your child is with someone who you trust while you gave birth would ease your mind and allow you to focus.

My mum still came in but cried especially when things went wrong !!! Im suprised she was still standing after the whole ordeal !

Originally Posted by shed

I want to birth at home next time so chances are DS will be in the house somewhere, but I wouldn't want him in the actual room.

The baby being born deserves to have me all to herself (himself?, no herself!) when she is born because she is going to have to share me with her brother for the whole of the rest of her life.

Its her moment of glory. All hers. DS has had his.

Agreed

Even as MD said i think the reason i wouldnt want Boof at the next babies birth ( gosh thats scary ! ) is because i am scared things will go wrong but also because i want to focus on this bub & birthing him/her. I would always be worried about Boof if he was around.
Homebirth i suppose i would think differently though but i think im still like Shed in this way of thinking in that im happy for him to be around but not when it comes to the crunch.

**Shanaynay** · 07-12-2006 22:52

Hi Sassymummy,

I breifly considered having my DD at my VBAC. Decided not to and I'm glad she wasn't there as I think she would ahve been really frightened as I didn't stay quite as calm and collected as I thought I would

But you might birth nice and quietly.
You could just see how it goes and make sure there is someone there to take her home if need be.

Good luck with the TTC
xx

**Little Gorilla** · 07-12-2006 23:06

No, I wouldn't have DS in there..like someone said, I want to have my full attention on special bub #2 when its arriving the same way I did with #1....but I would love for #1 to come in as soon as possible after the birth...maybe even help cut the cord

For me to even consider the above, I would imagine I would talk to #1 alot about what was going to happen proir to the birth...maybe do a practice run with a dolly..hhhmmm ask me in 2 years!!!