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  1. #11
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    Default I suck at being a parent.

    I think the fact you worry your attitude is damaging to your daughter , and you are posting about it on here means you do care about her.

    Plenty of kids aren't dressed, showered and fed everyday.

    Think about it, if you really just didn't care/like her at all, it wouldn't bother you.

    So as PPs have suggested, make time for counselling even if you try some online counselling first and I also wondered can you check with your local community centre/council for groups and things to take her to when it's not daycare day? It'll give you somewhere to go where someone else is responsible for the stimulation and play and you can sit at the back and take a breath.

    You'll probably find other mothers there who need a break too.

  2. #12
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    Ps parenting is an effort. A really really big effort. You don't have to love all the effort parts of it or be some sort of stepford wife to be doing ok

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    Can you up her day care days? I have my girls in 3 days a week. They have been sick the past two weeks and I have been off work and I've found it really hard to just never get a break!!

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    Some great advice here OP. I'm sorry you're feeling the way you do. It sucks. I know, I fell the same every single day. My marriage is okay, but I fear the fact I'm just a misery guts will ultimately effect my marriage.

    So I get it, I do, so I can offer a very sympathetic hug.

    Something to ask yourself to see how perhaps you really feel is.... If you split from your husband and it was a viable option (so pretend he doesn't work away) that he have full custody over your DD, would you be relieved? Excited? Sad? Happy?

    Imagine your life without her? Is it the life you really want? These are maybe things to talk over with a counsellor.

  6. #15
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    Are u maybe so unhappy with ur marriage/life that it's affecting the way u treat ur daughter. Maybe ur reflecting those feelings onto her cos it's easier? U obviously care abt her enough to worry ur damaging her. Maybe u need to do something abt ur happiness first and then everything else will be easier? I think u just can't go on living a miserable life and suffering in silence. U need to change it not just for ur sake but for hubby and daughters sake too. The biggest step is the first step (whatever that is for u) but u will be surprised just how much easier it is than u think and the relief u will feel afterwards. In the meantime a few little things here and there with ur daughter will make a world of difference. A silly face, a big smile, blow a kiss her way even if u don't feel it it'll go a long way and will only take a second of ur time.

    Wish u and ur family all the best x

  7. #16
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    There's lots of great advice already, so I won't go over what others have already said so well.

    One practical tip. I read a study a while back that looked at how much attention kids actually 'need' and it showed that it was just 10 minutes of undivided attention a day. So, rather than saying "I will do more with her today" aim to do something with her for just 10 minutes. Don't have the TV on or phone nearby, just play for 10 minutes (time it) together doing what they want. Making it a measurable amount of time is just so much more achievable than just saying "more".

    I work full time, and have found this really works for both my 2yo and 7yo. On the weekend I just have so much else to do, but if I give each child their 10 minutes, they're pretty much off and playing independently for the rest of the day and I just need to keep them fed. If I don't stop and give them that time then they're just hanging around trying to get my attention while I'm getting annoyed because I have things to do.

    Also if I do the 10 minute thing, then I'm not pushing them away all day, which means come bedtime I actually have a bit more to give and I can do the same book six times with patience etc rather than watching the clock.

    PS. All of the above doesn't work so well if they're sick, teething, etc.

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    Thanks for all the replies without judgement. As you probably understanf these arnt conversations thay you can just have with your friends and family especially when your constantly bombarded with "when are you having another baby". I have enrolled her in swimming lessons because that's something we do together and i have been sitting down at the table with her to have breakfast. Spose its a start but just have to wait and see over the next few weeks.

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    hi jaylcee. I think if you continue making these small changes you will begin to feel more responsive to your daughter. eating together, and spending small amounts of time together, even if you are just watching tv together, it is a good start. parenting is not an easy job, and being mothering, is not something that comes naturally to everyone. it is true your daughter will pick up on your feelings, so if you can try to be happy to be with her, it will all work better. I hope you find some help here, and with a counsellor too perhaps. marie.

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    @JayLCee,

    Ease up on yourself mate. There is no such thing as a perfect mother. As long as you love your daughter, make sure she is clean, fed and cared for then you are doing a good job. Parenthood isn't easy. I wing it. I am not the best mum, but I consider myself to be pretty good. My kids have all they need, they go without somethings. When my first daughter was born, I had no idea what to do. Some say mother's instinct is natural. For me, I had to learn what to do to look after a baby, but I got there. Three year olds require a fair bit of attention, just read her a book occasionally, let her sit on your knee while you watch tv, just talk to her about stuff.

    A lot of people have suggested councelling. and you know, I admit to seeing a psychologist. I am not ashamed of that. I go because I have issues from growing up, but it has helped me become a better mother and partner. Don't be afraid to seek help.
    Last edited by Marchbundle; 28-08-2015 at 11:43.


 

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