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  1. #1
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    Default I suck at being a parent.

    I suck at this parenting stuff. I guess some people just don't have those maternal instincts. I have a 3 year old daughter that was unplanned. I had never intended on having kids, it was never part of my plan. Please don't judge me, I'm honestly not a bad person. I hate being a parent. I hate being a wife, in fact I just hate the way my life is turning out. My daughter is healthy, well fed, bathed and is dressed in clean clothes everyday. She doesn't listen to me and im fed up. Maybe its because she just wants my attention. I don't play with her enough or at all, I just find it frustrating. I know I should be doing more with her and reading her stories but I don't. At bed time tonight it was another tantrum that just went on and on and I cracked. I told her I hate her and I wish I wasn't her mother. I feel terrible now but the words just came out and I couldn't stop them. I'm so miserable and feel trapped in my marriage.

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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Welcome to bubhub :-)

    I didn't want to read and run. I just wanted to say you sound very unhappy. There are many of us who are feeling or have felt so many of the feelings you are describing, so you're not alone.

    Have you felt this way since your daughter was born or is it more recent? Do you have the means to see a counsellor? It might help you to have someone that you can talk to who won't judge you. Have you told your husband how you feel?

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    I was also going to suggest counselling. 3yos can be challenging. I know I expect way to much from mine. The problem is she seems like a fully functioning adult, it's hard to remember she's only been on this earth 3 years and has so much to learn.

    Try and work on the fun. I know playing their games kind of sucks sometimes, maybe try and find something you can both enjoy? I actually don't mind playing barbies though I probably take the scenarios a bit far and had my DDs barbie being reported to DOCS today .

    Hang in there. There's a lot to be said for just putting on a movie and sitting there giving them a cuddle.

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    When I found out I was pregnant i was filled with dread, everyone else around me seemed so excited and i just pretended. I thought perhaps that might change when she was born but not really. Im just not the mothering type. I dont really talk to my husband about it. He works away and is only home in the weekends, which isnt a bsd thing as there is no love there anymore. He loves me but the feeling is not mutual. He just wont accept that our marriage is over which makes it hard. Its getting harder to pretend when his home. These arnt things i can just talk to my friends about as you can probably understand. Counselling is on my to do list but trying to find time is hard.

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    Gosh you poor thing, it sounds like you are going through a really rough time.

    I have a friend who is a psychologist & she has been very helpful making me realise that you don't have to be a perfect person to be a parent. She has told me it's ok to have bad times & yell at your kid as long as you reconnect with them afterwards. Apparently it's this "tear & repair" that helps our kids prepare for relationships when they are older. She also told me that there's a reason that monks don't have kids, cause it's too bloody hard & they couldn't maintain their calm aura!

    I have started apologising to my daughter when I lose the plot with her & I think it's been really helpful in our relationship. She now also apologises to me when she is difficult & makes the effort to reconnect with me. Even though I might still be upset after I yell at her I find having the patience to make myself hug her & apologise definitely helps both of us.

    Apparently you only have to be a good parent about 70% of the time to raise a half decent kid so I found that a total relief. I think we often have very high expectations of ourselves as parents & it's really hard!

    There's an American parenting expert called Dr Laura Markham who has some awesome articles on her website that I found super helpful with the difficult 2 & 3 year old stages.

    I think you could also benefit from talking to a professional about your mental health. Do you have a GP you trust? You could try talking to them about developing a mental health plan where you can see a psychologist at a really cheap rate. Sounds like you have lots of issues impacting on your ability to be a happy parent?

    Good luck for the future & I hope you can feel happier about your family situation in the future xxxx

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    Firstly, you're probably doing much better at parenting than you give yourself credit for. It's a really hard job, no one does a perfect job of it.

    Are there times that you do enjoy being with your daughter? Do you work as well or are you with her 24/7?

    My DD just turned 4 and she can be hard work sometimes. However, I have found that as she gets older I am enjoying her more and more. I can have proper conversations with her and she understands so much more, so she's better company if that makes sense.

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    Also, I agree that counselling is worth pursuing. Maybe you're struggling to feel the love for your husband and daughter because your brain is busy dealing with these negative emotions, making them seem much more powerful than they should be.

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  11. #8
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    You know I honestly can't think of any part of today or the last week I enjoyed with her. I feel like when she wants something to eat its an effort or if she wants some help on the toilet its an effort. My favourite day of the week is the day she goes to daycare. I wake up in the morning with a plan to play with her more and read with her but it doesn't happen. I feel like I could be damaging her with all of this.

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    I really think you should seek some professional help, and I mean that in the nicest, sincerest way. Plenty of us have needed professional advice as parenting is a really tough job. And seeing all those people out there that make it look all happiness and rainbows does nothing to make you feel better!
    Whilst I am not in such a bad way, I have struggled to be completely happy since DS was born. He is 4 and I still don't feel like I have found my feet as a mother and feel like I don't know my place in the world anymore. I find it really hard to relax and never completely enjoy anything anymore and I know I need some help with this. Many of us lose our sense of identity and sense of self. I have 3 close friends that needed medication within a year or 2 of having a baby.
    But I don't think it's that unusual to feel like you are not a natural parent, and it's ok to admit you don't enjoy it - but you should also have good times and feelings of love, otherwise it's something you need to address asap.
    PND is something that can surface in early childhood too so might be worth considering.

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    Hi, I agree with everyone else you need someone, a mental health plan would be a great idea for you, just to talk to someone about how you are feeling.

    But just to let you know you are not alone, I regularly think I am sucking at parenting and can't wait until they go to bed. I really wanted to have kids, I thought I would be an awesome mum but once it's real it's so different. Because it is hard! I find myself hating parents that appear to have it all together and who's kids listen to them or will sit down in public places and wait patiently. I compare myself to them all the time and there are days where I feel like I hate my kids too because they don't listen, they push all the wrong buttons, they still don't sleep through the night, and it a struggle to get them to sleep in the first place. They fight with each other all the time.

    I hate having to prepare them 3 meals a day... It's such a pain in the *** because they don't eat it most of the time anyway. And they won't even sit in the seat long enough for a meal anyway. It's so frustrating. But they scream bloody murder if we try and put them in a high chair.

    My kids watch way more TV than they should because activities bore me. I just want it to be over so we don't do enough of them. Pintrest makes me feel guilty for not doing more.

    My eldest has autism and it's doing my head in daily. He is a struggle and sucks the life out of me. He screams often, sometimes for no reason at all. I often think it's my fault he is the way he is. He started off awesome and slept through the night until he started getting teeth. It's all been down hill from there. And by then I was already pregnant with twins.

    I read a great quote the other day.. (Well I thought it was good)
    "The reason we struggle with insecurity is we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel" I do it to I only put the good things on Instagram or Facebook so I don't know why I think all those people aren't doing it too.

    I have days where I totally lose the plot and it feels like life is caving in on me and I can't breath but each night I try to find at least one good thing from the day. Even if it was just that we have a roof over our heads, or good on the table even if they would rather eat their boogers at least it's there if they want it. Or some days it might even be that I felt good after a poop. (I get pretty desperate some days). But then I tell myself tomorrow is a new day, I will try to do better.

    My point is (as long winded as it is) that even though it was something I wanted I struggle pretty much daily, this isn't how I thought this was going to be either and think I am sucking too but each day we try again. And I'm told it gets easier... Hopefully it comes soon.

    Hang in there. Hugs.

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