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  1. #1
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    Default Any support groups for mums who's partners work away?

    I am just wandering if there are any support groups, either on bubhub or elsewhere, for mums who's partner works away?
    My DH works away a lot. He isn't exactly fifo- it's not that regular or routine. Some weeks he leaves 4:30am Monday and isn't back until Friday 9pm. Other weeks he might be home for 1-2 days but away for 2-3. And when he is 'home' he still often works until 6pm or drives 3-4hrs (he works in agriculture) each way for work. And he goes overseas a couple times a year for 1-3 weeks at a time.
    I also work full time and have a 4 yr old and find it very tough. I am pregnant with our 2nd and I just don't know how I am going to cope. I get a little help from MIL but that's only one day a week. My mother is still working and too busy to help unless it's an absolute emergency.
    All my friends have partners that work normal hours, so I don't really have anyone I can relate to in this matter.

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    @sunnygirl79 I'm not sure if there is a support group, but I was just thinking today of starting a thread about it.

    My DH works away as well. He isn't FIFO as such, but his work is located elsewhere and he can be away for to 2-3 weeks at a time.

    It is 2 weeks today since he last left and he isn't back until next Wednesday. I work 4 days in a very full on job and I'm starting to struggle a bit with my 2 year old DD.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Nette View Post
    @sunnygirl79 I'm not sure if there is a support group, but I was just thinking today of starting a thread about it.

    My DH works away as well. He isn't FIFO as such, but his work is located elsewhere and he can be away for to 2-3 weeks at a time.

    It is 2 weeks today since he last left and he isn't back until next Wednesday. I work 4 days in a very full on job and I'm starting to struggle a bit with my 2 year old DD.
    I feel for you. I really struggled when my DS was that young and at that point my job was only 3 days and I had a much cruisier boss. I think it's harder when your job is full on. Mine has recently become more intense and I think this is part of my struggle.
    Being pregnant hasn't helped either, the tiredness and hormones mean I'm a mess every second day.
    DH is away on a conference this week and only able to talk briefly before dinner. Some days he is too busy to talk as doesn't get back to hotel room until midnight etc.
    I actually had a chat with him earlier saying we need to talk about this more seriously when he gets home. I know his job isn't going to change (at least not anytime soon) so it's me that has to make some changes. I think I need to have a couple years off when #2 arrives, and try to find some cruisy, part time work after that.
    Do you get any help/support etc? How do you manage housework, shopping, time for yourself etc? My poor dog is almost dying from boredom atm as I have been getting home too late to walk her.

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    My husband works interstate and we fly him up every 2-3wks for weekends.

    I have a 3&5yo and am 34wks pregnant. Only thing I can suggest is to reduce work hours. I work 3.5 days a week and have a pretty good balance. Life isn't very difficult and I'm enjoying it.

    Don't get me wrong. I have sh!t days but they are fewer.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

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    sunnygirl79  (21-08-2015)

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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnygirl79 View Post
    I am just wandering if there are any support groups, either on bubhub or elsewhere, for mums who's partner works away?
    My DH works away a lot. He isn't exactly fifo- it's not that regular or routine. Some weeks he leaves 4:30am Monday and isn't back until Friday 9pm. Other weeks he might be home for 1-2 days but away for 2-3. And when he is 'home' he still often works until 6pm or drives 3-4hrs (he works in agriculture) each way for work. And he goes overseas a couple times a year for 1-3 weeks at a time.
    I also work full time and have a 4 yr old and find it very tough. I am pregnant with our 2nd and I just don't know how I am going to cope. I get a little help from MIL but that's only one day a week. My mother is still working and too busy to help unless it's an absolute emergency.
    All my friends have partners that work normal hours, so I don't really have anyone I can relate to in this matter.
    Its blardy hard when they dont have a set roster! For 2 out of the 3 years hubby worked away, he didnt have a roster and we never knew how long he would be gone for until he got back to work sometimes it was 2 or 3 weeks, other times it was 2 months and he might only be home for 2 days before leaving again. We had 3 kids when he started fifo, and fell pregnant with dd4 a few months after he started. We also lived a few hours away from friends and family and I stuggled making friends in the town we were living in. I found lots of support on fb, and here on bh. Especially after dd4 was born, I stuggled a lot. But it did get easier once we settled into a routine. Although, I didn't have the added stress of working full time.

    Dh has just started a job locally so no more fifo for us but I am happy to chat if you want xo

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    sunnygirl79  (21-08-2015)

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    Thanks ladies. I know I am not alone and there are others that have it much tougher than me but it doesn't make it any easier. It's good to talk to others in similar situations and get ideas on how you all cope etc.

    Reducing work hours would be great, but I live in an area where decent jobs are few and far between, and I don't really have a choice until I go on mat leave next year. When I started this job I was 3 days and my boos was super cruisy, and I definitely coped better. But things have changed at my workplace and I have kind of been forced into a position where I have to work full time and work my a$s off at that.
    I just need to hang in there and I am v hopeful my boss starts taking it easier on me as I only recently told him I was pregnant.

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    Sunnygirl I feel for you. It is extremely difficult to do it on your own. I find the hardest time is at night, after the kids are in bed and I have no adult interaction.
    I'm lucky that I don't work and have a lot of family support, but it is really tough and I struggle at times (especially when things go wrong and you just need your partners support). My DH is half way through 6 months away - I have a 6 and 4 year old and am 31 weeks pregnant. Knowing DH won't be here for the birth sucks the most.
    Is it possible for you to get some alone time? Can you get a babysitter on your day off, every now and then, just so you can get some down time and unwind from your job???

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shebes View Post
    Sunnygirl I feel for you. It is extremely difficult to do it on your own. I find the hardest time is at night, after the kids are in bed and I have no adult interaction.
    I'm lucky that I don't work and have a lot of family support, but it is really tough and I struggle at times (especially when things go wrong and you just need your partners support). My DH is half way through 6 months away - I have a 6 and 4 year old and am 31 weeks pregnant. Knowing DH won't be here for the birth sucks the most.
    Is it possible for you to get some alone time? Can you get a babysitter on your day off, every now and then, just so you can get some down time and unwind from your job???
    Wow that would be v hard, not having your DH for the birth. And after the birth, omg. You are a superwoman!

    I do think I am going to have to try and get MIL to have DS for a night and maybe half a day while DH is overseas. I am also doing postgrad study part time so my nights are filled with that. This overseas trip is particularly bad timing as I have 2 assignments due but I just have to figure something out.

    It's a hard juggle because while I need my downtime, I also crave spending some quality time with DS. Weekends are pretty much it.

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    Not superwoman.... I get frustrated and upset too easily with the kids and always feel bad afterwards. I have had to let my housework standards drop as I just don't have the energy and I cook simple meals as I am so over cooking.
    DH will be home not long after the birth thank goodness. He isn't usually away for this long (this is a one off), but his job does take him away for a week once or twice a month.
    I couldn't imagine working full time, raising a child, being pg and studying while DH was away - hats off to you. Perhaps you deserve the superwoman title lol...

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    sunnygirl79  (21-08-2015)

  13. #10
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    Super crazy more like it, ha ha.

    I do think things will be easier once study is over for the year (only another 6 weeks). But I am going to have to try get extra help too as cutting back work hours, or taking leave isn't really an option. I need to save my leave so I can stop work a month before my due date. Need income to keep coming in especially if this one is 2 weeks late like my first was!
    My house is a huge mess too. I suggested a cleaner but DH is being a Scrooge. He is a clean freak which is both good and bad - good because he will clean up after himself, but bad because he freaks out when he gets home after being away and the house is a 'mess'. Which it isn't by most normal people's standards. I think he has mild OCD!


 

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