just need to talk about it to someone...feeling I'm not coping myself anymore...
I had a long and sad story, this is (was - oh..still cannot put it in my mind) try #6.
I had all sorts of rare problems, I had complete molar in 2011. MMC at 10 weeks in 2012. Late MC at 18 weeks in July 2014 (cervix incompetence). Ectopic in March 2015. (I don't want even remember the first one in 2004 finished at 36 weeks, took me almost 10 years after that).
This time we went for IVF, as I'm 39 now, and don't have much time left to try and wait.
It was all perfect, BFP from day6 after EPU, great HCG and progecterone dynamics, we were so happy and so hopeful that finally we should get there.
Then at first scan at 6 weeks there was only gest sac visible, but they told me it's probably too early, and in 10 days all should be OK.
A fetal pole but no HB on week#7 and another week to wait for another scan, as there still were some growth recorded.
I was still hopeful.
And the last scan today - with a verdict "non-developing pregnancy, fetal demise". It stopped at 6w5d.
Now I have to wait for MC, if it'll not happen naturally within a week, than go for DC.
Still cannot set it into my mind. Still cannot believe I'm not pregnant any more. Again.
It's not getting easier with each time. Just worse and worse. Feel like crying but cannot cry anymore. Feel like dying.
I was somehow ready that the news could be bad today, I had a week to think about all of this, but turned out I still was hoping and believing it will be somehow OK.
Last year it happened at week 18, I was on my holidays in Paris wit my mum (she is in Eastern Europe, it was her anniversary trip to France..
All the doctors here told me it's totally safe to fly at weeks 14-18, and I felt great all the way, and on my last day in Paris the waters broken and I finished up in Hopitale Tenon, where I lost that part of my life. That was a horrific experience, I was there alone as my mum left the day before. I should bard the plane next day. Noone could even speak English there while I was going through all of that, I just had my phone and messaged all the way with DH and my best friend. I thought I will go insane - but apparently all ended, and I got back home.
After that I thought nothing can be worse.
Not sure now.