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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnyflower View Post
    I think your mum should grow up and deal with her own responsibilities. And stop whining when people help her.
    whilst I agree, hoarding is a serious psychological disorder and is usually an anxiety thing. hoarders hoard stuff as it makes them feel safe. it's like a barrier between the outside world and them. it's a buffer. stripping away her safety net is no doubt going to cause massive anxiety for her. I'm not making excuses at all, just giving insight into why the mum is behaving this way.

    I have no advice as I've never had to deal with a hoarder first hand but I'd be seriously thinking about getting a psych/therapist who has experience with hoarders to try and help her. the physical stuff around her is just a symptom of an anxious and disorders mind. try and address the underlying anxiety and the hoarding may become easier to deal with.

  2. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to turquoisecoast For This Useful Post:

    LoveLivesHere  (16-08-2015),MsViking  (17-08-2015),SuperGranny  (17-08-2015),TheGooch  (16-08-2015)

  3. #12
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    Default I'm so angry. Help please

    Whoops kids got to phone. Pls ignore. Sorry.
    Last edited by misho; 16-08-2015 at 16:43.

  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    whilst I agree, hoarding is a serious psychological disorder and is usually an anxiety thing. hoarders hoard stuff as it makes them feel safe. it's like a barrier between the outside world and them. it's a buffer. stripping away her safety net is no doubt going to cause massive anxiety for her. I'm not making excuses at all, just giving insight into why the mum is behaving this way.
    This. It isn't a matter of someone just getting their shiz together. If it was that easy, they would have done it by now.

    However, just because someone is unwell that doesn't mean it's an excuse. Op, I would be avoiding that house/car and if your mum asks why, be upfront - because it's uncomfortable due to the amount of stuff.
    Hugs. Dealing with hoarding is difficult, heartbreaking and frustrating.

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  6. #14
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    AdornedWithCats is offline Winner 2013 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    I have a family member who runs a company that will help cleaning up in situations like this. Unfortunately not in your state though! They can be quite sensitive to hoarders.

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    I really feel for you and I really understand your anger. Good on you for wanting to help your dad, but I can't help feeling that you should maybe walk away from helping your mum personally, and like someone suggested maybe enlist the help of a professional. Hoarding is unfortunately a mental illness and you won't be able to reason with your mum. It is hard. As for your husband, he has no emotional attachment so he isn't really helping either. I would really get the ****s.

  8. #16
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    Default I'm so angry. Help please

    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    I can't get past the asbestos- if it truly has exposed asbestos you should NOT be going there. Asbestosis is not a nice thing.
    Have you had professionals in to come and look at the asbestos? They may need to clear it before you can go in and deal with all the stuff that is there.
    Just read it's been cleaned up

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    Yeah hoarding is horrible. I'm the opposite due to growing up with it I can't stand it etc hate junk I just throw it away, obsessive clean hate old/second hand things. This plays a mental part in my brain.

    Her house burnt down when she was a little girl, and now this so I feel sorry for her but it's like when's she going to 'parent' me? I hope that makes sense. I feel like I'm the adult. She can't even invite people over because of her mess so it's a proper problem for those that don't understand. Like there isn't a chair to sit on!

    I cancelled going down there today. I'm going to ask my psych for an app and referrals to specialist shrinks for her as I can't handle it anymore. It's suffocating my family.

  10. #18
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    monnie, you cant and shouldn't be having to deal with this. your mother needs professional help. there is no other way around it. you already realise that growing up with her has caused you to have serious issues, and you can't live a normal life with her. She has many problems perhaps starting from the house fire when she was small. you might be able to help your dad, but if she is controlling the situation, I would back away. you really need to let her live her life. she is not able to be your parent, she is probably still locked in the trauma from her childhood. I do understand why your husband is not supporting you with her, he can see that no good will come from it , without your mum getting proper professional care. look after yourself, and your own family, give a little help to your father, if you can, but please just avoid your mum. that is a sad thing to say, but that is how I see the best way forward. hugs , marie.

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    your mothers hoarding and mental problems are no longer your problem. Just do what you can (without it killing you) to help your dad and ignore your mothers blabber.

    Also your dad needs to speak up and get his wife to lift her game. Your husband might be over it before you are coz he no feel connection to the home etc.


 

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