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  1. #1
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    Default I'm so angry. Help please

    I'm after some advice please to do with my mum. I've posted before about her I think I can't remember.

    Our family home, turned shack burnt down over a year ago and she hasn't visited it once since it happened. I've had to deal with it all with my dad. It was filled with mess, clutter and junk. She's a compulsive hoarder. I'm not joking. It's embarrassing. It's impacted my childhood to no end.

    Every time we go there she complains we haven't done things right, oh we didn't sell this for this x amount of price or we gave it away THAT WAS MINE! I'm exhausted. Why isn't she down there helping then? I'm down there with two bloody kids trying to clean up ASBESTOS riddled block ffs and the ungrateful cow complains the whole time. People have been stealing things because there is so much crap there. I just feel like she uses me.

    My husband has been abusing me over it and I feel like running away

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    I think you're very kind to put in the time to help your dad.

    Do you think your mum can't face the job at hand? I mean, a lot of hoarding has to do with not being able to face cleaning and sorting - and this job also comes with having to see special things that have been ruined etc.

    What do you think of the idea of just getting heaps of plastic tubs, dumping everything in and dropping them at her door? You could say you don't know what's important and what's not, and she can sort through them when she gets a chance? That way the job gets done quickly with a minimum of grief?

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    I think you're very kind to put in the time to help your dad.

    Do you think your mum can't face the job at hand? I mean, a lot of hoarding has to do with not being able to face cleaning and sorting - and this job also comes with having to see special things that have been ruined etc.

    What do you think of the idea of just getting heaps of plastic tubs, dumping everything in and dropping them at her door? You could say you don't know what's important and what's not, and she can sort through them when she gets a chance? That way the job gets done quickly with a minimum of grief?
    Her house itself is full of crap my kids don't go there, her car is too. It's suffocating!!. There is nothing left anyway. For example it's just tonnes of fire wood (literally) so I advertised $150 on a FB page per trailer and she's mad as it's worth $450. Dreaming! I don't have time to go down there all time! I feel so sorry for my dad. I just want to hug him. It's his house not hers but her stuff was there I hope that makes sense :/

    It wasn't insured so he's left with nothing to retire with. My husband drives me nuts because he's like oh it's just junk but I feel some of it has sentiment too.

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    I think your mum should grow up and deal with her own responsibilities. And stop whining when people help her.

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    I can't get past the asbestos- if it truly has exposed asbestos you should NOT be going there. Asbestosis is not a nice thing.
    Have you had professionals in to come and look at the asbestos? They may need to clear it before you can go in and deal with all the stuff that is there.

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to CMF For This Useful Post:

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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    I can't get past the asbestos- if it truly has exposed asbestos you should NOT be going there. Asbestosis is not a nice thing.
    Have you had professionals in to come and look at the asbestos? They may need to clear it before you can go in and deal with all the stuff that is there.
    The demolition was done this week so the site is 'meant to be clean now'. But it's filled with plants etc like pot plants and a couple small garden sheds, she's so stressful. She won't even answer her mobile. I see a psychologist about her and I still can't seem break her out of my life. I don't know why

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    I think if it's having such an impact on your life, you shouldn't go there. Perhaps you can talk to the local council about getting help to clean it all up. Your mother needs counseling as there is obviously a lot going on. You have enough on your plate with your kids. I know you're trying to help your dad, but he may be part of the problem (either enabling or hoarding as well). I don't think any of it could hold sentimental value if it's having such a negative impact on you. Just throw it out, don't fall for her manipulation. That's how she has gotten away with it for so long.
    Your partner needs to support you. I'm sorry you are going through this.

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    There are companies that can help with a hoarding clean up, a social worker would be able to put your mum in touch with them and hopefully fund it through her local community services? That way it's not your responsibility.

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    Quote Originally Posted by monnie24 View Post
    The demolition was done this week so the site is 'meant to be clean now'. But it's filled with plants etc like pot plants and a couple small garden sheds, she's so stressful. She won't even answer her mobile. I see a psychologist about her and I still can't seem break her out of my life. I don't know why
    Oh, good! Asbestos is so nasty.

    If this is having such a huge impact on your life; your health, your marriage, and undoubtedly your kids... you need to stop. Outsource it to a company, I'm sure there are some that handle situations like this. Explain it all to your dad, I'm sure he will understand.

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    I know it's difficult but it sounds like you need to back away. Tell her since she's not happy with what you are selling the wood for, or what you are keeping and getting rid of, you are leaving her to sort it out herself.


 

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