Hi all im new to this forum so sorry if this is in the wrong topic
My partner and i are expecting my first child in 2 weeks, im very nervous as any new parent would be, she has a 4 year old son who's father last saw him on boxing day and has called twice since then so basically i am his father figure which is fine by me i love him.
My partner was a single mother when we got together living with her parents (well off people but lovely none the less) my partner has never had to worry about money, and being a young mother, she had her son at 18 her mother was very involved in his life, this brings me to issue number one.
My step son is glued to his ipad 24/7, i come home from work on my lunch break and he is on it, i come home at the end of the day and he is on it, he takes it to bed and dosent get to sleep until 11ish because of the ipad, i try to address the issue with my partner and she dosent seem to care we have argued about it many times to the point where i have just given up, were 2 weeks away from having our baby and im worried that his being up all hours is going to affect my childs sleep as the 4 year old generaly will call out to his mum for a drink or even food which she will gladly get up and make him food at all hours of the night, another topic we have argued about and gotten no where, i have tried to talk to her mother about it also and she listens but at any point where i voice my opinion i get shut down with "it will be different when its your kid" or "dont be so hard on him" like im attacking him or my partners parenting ability, im not i just think that we need to address these issues but i cant without being shut down.
My second issue is money, im a mechanic and my partner worked at a cafe up until 2 weeks ago when she had to stop work, which is fine and i dont hold that against her at all, her and the babys health are more important to me than anything, last night we went to a charity auction with her family for her cousins family who past away so the event was for his wife and children, now me being the only one working money isnt tight as we had been saving for this but by pay day i usually have about 80 bux left so unneeded spending is a no no, whilst at the auction my partner spent 150 dollars on shampoo and an umbrella, i got the ****s at the end of the night when the anouncer announced that she had bid on and won the items, she thinks im ****ty because it was shampoo and an umbrella, im ****ty because of the price, she has repeatedly said to family and friends that her 4 year old is staying at home with her 4 days a week because we cant afford to send him to daycare/preschool more than one day a week, his pre school costs her no more than 16 dollars a day (his father dosent work so she gets it cheaper somehow i dont no the details) and he didnt go a single day this week i dont care whos kid it is they need school end of story ,she dosent seem to have figured out that im ****ty because she could have used that money for his schooling, his swimming lessons she could have put it towards our gas and electricity bill i pay it off every week so when the bill comes its smaller than it would be,i ride dirt bikes and needed a tyre fixed and i waited a month and saved and got it fixed and paid mostly in coins, im frustrated that im ment to be okay with it and not be cranky but im not spending money on things we dnt need without thinking about it or planing and saving, which brings me to my next issue.
My sister baby sat our 4 year old while we were at the auction and stayed the night, i got up early this morning and went into town and got a hair cut and went to bunnings to get screws to fix a broken toilet roll holder, came home and my partner and i were still not talking, her 4 year old was on the lounge on his ipad, his ipad went flat and he started to crack it, i said mate calm down put it on the charger stop carrying on to which i got shut up and i hate you back, i was ****ed off so i said whatever mate i hate you too, i no i shouldnt have reacted like that but this would atleast be the 200th time he has carried on like this without his mother disiplining him, he got his charger calmed down and carried on playing his ipad, when it was time to take my sister home to my parents farm my partner asked her son to put his shoes on to go, he said he didnt want to go and that he wanted to stay at home, she asked him again he said the same thing, i then said he can stay with me and he said i wanna stay to which she said no your not staying with him put your shoes on he started to get the ****s again and i said why cant he just stay with me and she said hes not staying with you hes coming with me, i got the ****s and said it would be different if he was my kid we bickerd a bit and i said whatever ill take her home, i took her home and stayed at my parents for a while to calm down and help my dad out on the farm, i came home and asked my partner if she new why i was cranky with her to which she said "nah" in a snarky tone and we havent spoken since.
I am at my wits end with what to do, i dont want to talk to my family because they will take my side , and i cant talk to her family because then im the bad guy,i want a true no bull opinion, i just want her to understand why im angry, and that she cant keep making me the bad guy with her son when everyone keeps on expecting me to be the dad he dosent have, im worried that when my baby is born that im going to be treated the same and if we ever split up be shut out of my babys life, i love her and her son more than anything in the world i just dont no what to do, ive never felt like this, i dont no what to do and its making anxious.
I would love to hear what other parents & step parents think.
I realise i sound *****y when i proof read this but it is how it is.