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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Hey there appears to be a bit of confusion regarding my views - apologies if I haven't been the clearest, let me try and clarify now. By the 9.5/10 as opposed to 10/10 I am trying to say that with older kids without medical issues I don't expect that 100% of those kids are able to sleep through.
    Where do you get your figures from? Cos I have a heap of friends with kids 2-6yo and less than 2-3 would sleep thru as per your definition. MOST of my friends and my kids will wake 1-4 times a week or 1-3x a night for whatever reason. All normal healthy kids.

    I have an issue with your "%".

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    Quote Originally Posted by meredithgrey View Post
    The parenting books I find cause the anxiety.

    There's no such thing as a flow chart or instructions for a newborn.

    I find the mum's that appear to manage the best are the ones that just follow baby's cues and go with it.

    The mum's that overthink every little thing - "how can the baby be hungry again, i just fed her half an hour ago, what's wrong with her, what's wrong with me" instead of just putting the baby back on the breast and going with it - I find really struggle with lots of things.
    I agree.

  3. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by meredithgrey View Post
    The parenting books I find cause the anxiety.

    There's no such thing as a flow chart or instructions for a newborn.

    I find the mum's that appear to manage the best are the ones that just follow baby's cues and go with it.

    The mum's that overthink every little thing - "how can the baby be hungry again, i just fed her half an hour ago, what's wrong with her, what's wrong with me" instead of just putting the baby back on the breast and going with it - I find really struggle with lots of things.
    I will say that I didn't give feeding a second thought with DS until he was 5 months when my MCHN made derogatory comments about his weight (asked if I had 'double cream' in those things, pointing to my breasts), and implied that if I kept feeding on demand my son would be at risk of diseases that obese adults are at risk of and heart failure.

    It's that constant tension of instinct vs 'professional opinion' that I think causes so much uncertainty.

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    Quote Originally Posted by meredithgrey View Post
    The parenting books I find cause the anxiety.

    There's no such thing as a flow chart or instructions for a newborn.

    I find the mum's that appear to manage the best are the ones that just follow baby's cues and go with it.

    The mum's that overthink every little thing - "how can the baby be hungry again, i just fed her half an hour ago, what's wrong with her, what's wrong with me" instead of just putting the baby back on the breast and going with it - I find really struggle with lots of things.
    Completely agree. I decided not to read any parenting books before DS was born or in the first months of his life because I didn't want opinions to cloud my own judgement. I did find there were some judgey comments made to me about his sleeping so I ended up buying Pinky McKay when he hit about 5 months and it pretty much told me I was doing a good job (yay Pinky!).

    I do have to say though I'm finding it a bit more difficult now that he is inching towards one! Newborns seem easy in comparison

    ETA to answer the OP, all I know is that DSs sleep changes at the drop of a hat. We went and saw a sleep psychologist who gave us some helpful tips to assist him to sleep a bit better overnight (he was waking between 3-6 x in 6 hours though and we were exhausted) - she said its totally normal for kids to wake up all night. There are occasionally some things you can do to help (in our case, we night weaned but only because we could not sustain the constant waking any longer) however 4 weeks of sickness followed so that went out the window real fast. Now we have other sleeping issues *sigh*

    There are no easy answers and no black and white. Whatever will be, will be.
    Last edited by Pearlygirl; 11-08-2015 at 19:37.

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    Quote Originally Posted by meredithgrey View Post
    The parenting books I find cause the anxiety.

    There's no such thing as a flow chart or instructions for a newborn.

    I find the mum's that appear to manage the best are the ones that just follow baby's cues and go with it.

    The mum's that overthink every little thing - "how can the baby be hungry again, i just fed her half an hour ago, what's wrong with her, what's wrong with me" instead of just putting the baby back on the breast and going with it - I find really struggle with lots of things.
    I agree to some extent with this. My personal experience says that some education is necessary though. I am a complete go with the flow kinda person, except when it comes to sleep lol!!! I can get myself into a real tizz in five min flat if I don't keep control of my emotions when one or both of my kids isn't going to sleep. Once I get that back, I revert to go with the flow and everything gets better.

    But, the point I wanted to make is that I went to our local parents and babies unit when my son was 4 days old for bf help. They booked me an appointment for settling help for when he was three weeks. Apparently, I was going to need it. I figured I would go with it, cause it couldn't hurt! Anyway, I got there and discovered that him sucking on his hand wasn't him asking for the boob again, it was a tired sign. I'd been thinking, yep, he's hungry, this must be that cluster feeding bizzo! I went home that night and feed him, then popped him into bed when he started sucking on his hands...I sat at the table and ate my dinner like a grown up for the first time in three solid weeks. No baby on the boob! Changed my life!!! Until the next change in routine he threw at me, but yeah. A little bit of education was super helpful to me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by meredithgrey View Post
    The parenting books I find cause the anxiety.

    There's no such thing as a flow chart or instructions for a newborn.

    I find the mum's that appear to manage the best are the ones that just follow baby's cues and go with it.

    The mum's that overthink every little thing - "how can the baby be hungry again, i just fed her half an hour ago, what's wrong with her, what's wrong with me" instead of just putting the baby back on the breast and going with it - I find really struggle with lots of things.
    From what I have seen (friends, mothers group) those suffering anxiety haven't subscribed to a particular parenting book or routine. My experience isn't as extensive as yours though. I would have thought the seeds for anxiety are sewn long before a book is placed on the coffee table or bub is born for that matter?
    Either way those suffering from anxiety need support and not judgement or ridicule (not saying that's what you're doing).

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    I didn't read any books and believed that being a mum was 100% instinctive and I would just 'know' what to do with my baby. I didn't. I had no clue! I struggled! I had no idea how to make her happy, get her sleeping (at all) how to stop her crying. I had to get advice on what to do.

    I didn't just choose 1 book or one forum or one website. I read - A LOT! The baby sleep site became my bible however as the founder based her philosophy on here are 5, 6, 7 different methods you can try. There's no one method as there's no one type of sleeper. It was a lifesaver. She made me appreciate that CC wasn't the only way to give your child the gift of restful and significant sleep, but also reassured me that I also didn't need to feel like a monster for sleep training and I had some methods up my sleeve that would work for me and my family and started making me feel better that I didn't fall into the category of "my child's need for 4 cuddles at 1 year old in the middle of the night is more important than my mental health and subsequent mental heath of my child and the rest of my family."

    What I mean by that is equally just as a posters comments that parents can help their kids sleep through the night, you don't have to accept your child is a "bad sleeper" may upset a parent who feels they have tried everything, it happens in reverse that parents are made to feel like crap for sleep training their children, knowing it's the right thing for *their* family.

    See I don't know why it has to be one or the other. I'm a do what works for your family and don't like how any parent (sleep trainer or not) should be made to feel bad about their parenting decisions. It's just apparent to me that it's okay to make a parent to feel like crap for sleep training as it's in her families best interests, but it's not okay for a parent to make another parent feel like crap for *not* sleep training. Why the double standard?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruby_Tuesday15 View Post
    I can get myself into a real tizz .
    If you want to get into a real Tizz I have a book you can borrow ..

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruby_Tuesday15 View Post
    I agree to some extent with this. My personal experience says that some education is necessary though. I am a complete go with the flow kinda person, except when it comes to sleep lol!!! I can get myself into a real tizz in five min flat if I don't keep control of my emotions when one or both of my kids isn't going to sleep. Once I get that back, I revert to go with the flow and everything gets better.

    But, the point I wanted to make is that I went to our local parents and babies unit when my son was 4 days old for bf help. They booked me an appointment for settling help for when he was three weeks. Apparently, I was going to need it. I figured I would go with it, cause it couldn't hurt! Anyway, I got there and discovered that him sucking on his hand wasn't him asking for the boob again, it was a tired sign. I'd been thinking, yep, he's hungry, this must be that cluster feeding bizzo! I went home that night and feed him, then popped him into bed when he started sucking on his hands...I sat at the table and ate my dinner like a grown up for the first time in three solid weeks. No baby on the boob! Changed my life!!! Until the next change in routine he threw at me, but yeah. A little bit of education was super helpful to me.
    Ohh... Here I am still thinking that hand in mouth was a hungry sign... Lol. THANK YOU!!

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    Lol! I'm far too free flowing for routines. Feed play sleep is as much as I can manage :-P

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