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  1. #11
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    rubytuesday, you don't need to make your feelings go away, you need for your partner to acknowledge you, and give some support and understanding. you do deserve your rest and your sanity, and you deserve to be treated as an equal. this is not a good situation, and I would be thinking about how to improve it. if there is no real communication, there is little hope for a good outcome. hugs, marie.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rubytuesday24 View Post
    I thought I was the only one who felt the way they do about their lack of help and support from their DH. Its the story of my life. Its like I don't deserve my rest or my sanity.
    Only just today I tried to talk to DH about how I have been feeling and after we exchanged words because I was expressing my feelings and in tears that I am not copeing and need help, he put a pillow over his head so ge didn't have to listen to me.
    All I was trying to do was talk to him about how I am feeling and he basically said that since I have had the kids I am not the same person and what note could he possibly do because he goes to work and helps out etc. He doesnt understand just how hard being a mum can be sometimes.
    I can't stop crying.. I wish there was a way I could make all these feelings just go away 😢
    It feels the same here most of the time. Just today I read this thing about pnd and how anyone struggling should just ask for help... Well I do and it comes out wrong or he just half listens or he gets all defensive that me having a hard time is his fault and I'm saying he doesn't do anything when I'm just trying to talk about how hard it is hoping for support or even just a pat on the back for still standing. He just doesn't get it. Makes me feel very alone especially as I've no family to talk to. Then I get annoyed with him trying to talk to me about sport or news stories so he thinks I don't need anyone to talk to! Men are from Mars!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    It feels the same here most of the time. Just today I read this thing about pnd and how anyone struggling should just ask for help... Well I do and it comes out wrong or he just half listens or he gets all defensive that me having a hard time is his fault and I'm saying he doesn't do anything when I'm just trying to talk about how hard it is hoping for support or even just a pat on the back for still standing. He just doesn't get it. Makes me feel very alone especially as I've no family to talk to. Then I get annoyed with him trying to talk to me about sport or news stories so he thinks I don't need anyone to talk to! Men are from Mars!
    I often wonder if I have PND, I really do. I'm someone who finds it very hard to ask for help at the best of times and when I do, or even just to talk all it does is cause an argument. It would be nice of him to say everything will be ok. When my mum offers to help me out, he makes me feel bad and that I am not a good mum so I end up declining my mums offer to help me.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by rubytuesday24 View Post
    I often wonder if I have PND, I really do. I'm someone who finds it very hard to ask for help at the best of times and when I do, or even just to talk all it does is cause an argument. It would be nice of him to say everything will be ok. When my mum offers to help me out, he makes me feel bad and that I am not a good mum so I end up declining my mums offer to help me.
    Take your mums help! I find it hard to ask for help but would love my mum in the country to just talk to and just give me an occasional break from the chaos! Depends on your relationship I guess when MIL is here and I try and talk to her about things I'm finding hard she uses it as opportunity to point out where I'm failing - or at least that's how it feels! Nothing is a big deal to her and don't think she believes in pnd. But I digress...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    Take your mums help! I find it hard to ask for help but would love my mum in the country to just talk to and just give me an occasional break from the chaos! Depends on your relationship I guess when MIL is here and I try and talk to her about things I'm finding hard she uses it as opportunity to point out where I'm failing - or at least that's how it feels! Nothing is a big deal to her and don't think she believes in pnd. But I digress...
    I already feel like such a failure as a mum because I am not copeing

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    Quote Originally Posted by rubytuesday24 View Post
    I already feel like such a failure as a mum because I am not copeing
    Hmmm I feel like that at times. It's only when someone else feels like that can I take a step back and remember that our ability to cope with life as a mum does not equate with how good we are as mums. Finding it hard to cope probably just means we are trying hard but there is a lot to do / think about and actually it's because we care and want to be good mums that we might struggle? Not sure if that makes sense?

  7. #17
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    huge hugs to you both, freyamum , and rubytuesday. im here to chat if that is any help. I wish I could actually give you both a hand, and some real support. I do agree men are from mars. they think their job is to fix things, and when something appears that they cant fix. they just try to ignore it all. much love, marie.

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    It does make sense. I just wish I could make DH understand just how mark it can be at times.. I am going to see my GP today and just have a talk about how I have been feeling.

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    How are you OP?

    My DH just loaded the dishwasher which made me think of this thread. I've been sick for a month and it's the first time he's thought to help me. Men suck.


 

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