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  1. #1
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    Default Bullying a 4yr old

    So today when I picked DS up from daycare 3 kids came up to us, 1 said to me 'DS isn't my friend' so I said 'why?' And he said 'he's naughty' so I said 'no he's not, he's a good boy aren't you ds'

    So the 2 other kids say 'he is our friend, not ds's'

    So I said 'don't worry DS, I am your friends and so is DS2, we love you'

    The the first kid says 'I won't be his friend because he needs a new bike, I won't play with him until he has one' (words to that effect)

    I just said 'come DS, you have lots of nice friends, don't worry, let's go'

    I really didn't know how to handle it at all, I'm new to this playground bullying. My DS has had a tough year but he is a very sensitive sweet child. He would never say or do anything to hurt anyone, and even the carers always say how good he is etc.

    How do I handle it better in future and how to I teach my DS that those types of 'friends' aren't needed and that he has many people who love him?

  2. #2
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    wow I think you handled things very well! I'd probably throw in 'its not nice to pick your friends based on their bikes, we pick friends based on how nice they are, dont we DS?' Then mention the conversation to the teachers

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    Oh no! Your poor little guy I would mention it to the daycare coordinator and ask if they have noticed anything. If it's brought to their attention then they can keep an eye out. As for teaching him, I'm not sure you can at 4yrs old. They take it quite personally. My ds is 4 and he was being bossed about by a girl at daycare. The carers noticed and mentioned it to me. I said to him that how 'S' was treating him wasn't very nice and that maybe he should play with 'B' for a while until 'S' learns to be nicer. He didn't quite understand and started to cry. He said she was his best friend and he like playing with her. I just left it at that. He has since made a few other friends and has moved on from playing with her. Pretty sure that had nothing to do with our conversation and more to do with the fact that he's easily bored so was bound to move on eventually!

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    That's so sad. Sounds like you handled it really well. My DD is 3 and has been bullied a bit. Called fat. She didn't even know the word fat. Little *****es. She's desperate for them to like her though.

    I just make home her safe place. I list all her other friends so she remembers there's a life outside care. I encourage her to play with the nice girls and boys (by name).

    Definitely talk to the carers. That behaviour is not okay. What a stupid thing to say, he needs a new bike. It's hard to retort like an adult at times!

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    It's not really bullying, they're just little kids that don't know better.

    OP if I were you I would have just told your DS what you think. ie "that wasn't very nice of those boys to say those things! What are they talking about bikes for, that doesn't even have anything to do with you being friends or not!". The moment's probably passed now though, for a 4yo.
    Tell him that if some kids are not nice to him at daycare, to go and play with someone else that is nice to him.

    I would try not to make a big deal of it though.
    Maybe just ask him every week or so "how are all your friends?" and see what he says.
    If you think he's having issues, ask the teachers how his friendships are going.

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    I am so angry and upset for DS, he is so forgiving though and I don't think he actually grasped any of it. He's not great with communicating how he feels so i struggled to tell him he doesn't have to be friends with people who aren't nice.

    I haven't told the carers or the director yet, DH said I should but I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do

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    @CMF yes he is having issues making friends, he's only been in this daycare since around match this year. We are actually seeing a child
    Psych for him as he's had a difficult year

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    Quote Originally Posted by BerryDelicious View Post
    wow I think you handled things very well! I'd probably throw in 'its not nice to pick your friends based on their bikes, we pick friends based on how nice they are, dont we DS?' Then mention the conversation to the teachers
    Agree with this. I probably wouldn't fluff around the truth as much though.

    A few times at daycare kids have been up in my DS's face saying things (calling names etc). I just say "don't say that, that's not nice" and they go quiet.

    I want my DS to know right then and there that it's not ok to say certain things to people.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SAgirl View Post
    I am so angry and upset for DS, he is so forgiving though and I don't think he actually grasped any of it. He's not great with communicating how he feels so i struggled to tell him he doesn't have to be friends with people who aren't nice.

    I haven't told the carers or the director yet, DH said I should but I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do
    I think you handled it really well but it could just be an age thing? Maybe tomorrow they'll want to be best friends with him again. 4 year olds are pretty fickle IMO.

    Watching my dd and her kinder friends they seem to go round in circles with "you're not my best friend!" "I don't want to play with you because you haven't got pink shoes like her!" Etc, etc then 5 mins later they seem to forget/ move on to some thing else.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SAgirl View Post
    @CMF yes he is having issues making friends, he's only been in this daycare since around match this year. We are actually seeing a child
    Psych for him as he's had a difficult year
    Oh just read this. Sorry for your DS

    I would go with your gut, hope things work out


 

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