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  1. #1
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Default How angry would you be?

    On a scale of 1 to 10...

    Back story:

    I went to a wedding yesterday. FOB came and picked up DS after the ceremony. I sent a text to check in at around 7.30, and FOB replied that all was fine. DS had been upset because FOB had run out of milk, so...

    He waited until DS had gone to sleep then went out to get some.

    I messaged back something like 'oh, were you stressed leaving him home alone and asleep?' He replied with not really, he'd attempted to drive to be quicker but there was nowhere to park so he parked at home and walked instead.

    He would have gone to the Kwik E Mart one street over, so I estimate being gone between 10 and 15 minutes.

    I feel upset and shakey about it today. I don't want more conflict so I'm just wondering how others would feel and how they would approach a conversation about it (given the default position that I am always wrong or overreacting)?

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    How old is your little one?
    I would be very upset.

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    Honestly I can't say how I'd feel as I know single mums who do the same thing. They can't get anyone to watch their kids so when desperate for basics they duck out at night when kids asleep to get bread or milk for breakfast. Not ideal but sometimes people have no other choice.

    Did he have another choice? I'd be reluctant to make too much of it tbh as he's likely to do it anyway but not tell you. Maybe ask him what would happen if DS woke? I imagine this is just one of many hard situations you find yourself in co-parenting.

    To be clear I get why you're upset and I'm not excusing this sort of behaviour but I have seen it by the most loving mothers or fathers when times are desperate.

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    I'd be pretty upset.

    Different situation to yours but DH once told me he'd left DD (approx 6-8 months of age) to drive up to our local shops while she was napping. This was in the middle of the day and she was a catnapper, plus we live in a semi rural area so it took him around 25 mins all up. We had a huge talk about it and at one point I threatened to quit my job to care for her full time if I couldn't trust him not to do it again, but DH did take my concern seriously. It seemed to be a mix of adjusting to being a stay at home dad, sleep deprivation, and just general lack of thinking about the potential consequences.

    Really not sure how you'd approach this one though, I wouldn't want to threaten anything like not entrusting the child to his care unless I felt that he really wasn't listening or didn't care.

    Good luck x

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    harvs  (26-07-2015)

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    10.

    If DS was upset about no milk I would have expected FOB to take him with him. If DS was asleep = no longer upset he didn't need to leave the house to get milk.

    You should leave a child in a house unattended at that age. The only exception would be to get medicine....maybe

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Honestly I can't say how I'd feel as I know single mums who do the same thing. They can't get anyone to watch their kids so when desperate for basics they duck out at night when kids asleep to get bread or milk for breakfast. Not ideal but sometimes people have no other choice.

    Did he have another choice? I'd be reluctant to make too much of it tbh as he's likely to do it anyway but not tell you. Maybe ask him what would happen if DS woke? I imagine this is just one of many hard situations you find yourself in co-parenting.

    To be clear I get why you're upset and I'm not excusing this sort of behaviour but I have seen it by the most loving mothers or fathers when times are desperate.
    Sorry to digress OP but sonja you're back!!! welcome back!

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    Default How angry would you be?

    Also to add: I used this example on another thread recently and was pretty much pilloried for saying I didn't think it was necessarily such a terrible thing to leave a little one at home sleeping if they were close by and it was just a very quick trip out. Not that I'd do it myself but I kind of understand by some feel that they have to eg: Sonja's examples above.

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    I'd be very upset. Particularly given that he is critical of every single solitary little thing that you do that he doesnt agree with.

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    A number so big I can't think of it.
    There is never a reason to leave the house with a baby at home.

    This from a woman who will forever live with the fact I accidentally left my baby at home. I could never do it on purpose. That is plain crazy.

    This is one issue that is black and white for me.

    While 8 married I have a husband who works away a lot.

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    I'd be furious.

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