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  1. #1
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    Default My 3 year old doesn't like me

    3 year old dd prefers her dad. Her dad and I aren't separated, he works and I'm the sahp

    Everything is "I don't want you to do that. I want daddy"

    She doesn't want me to sit next to her at the table. She doesn't come to me for cuddles. She doesn't want me to help her to get dressed. She prefers to hold DH's hand. Pictures she brings home from kindergarten are for DH.

    Background: have been bf-ing DS for 10 months. I have to do it in a quiet spot away from my other children. Otherwise he just won't feed. I give 2 older kids something to do- iPad, tv, colouring, ask them to build lego etc etc tell them I won't be long etc. Sometimes he feeds for a while, whilst I've been trying to do the right thing by DS I think I have pushed my 3 yr old away?! I think this has always been at the back of my mind and now I feel terrible. He still feeds all the time and now Im going to have to wean asap.

    The final straw for me was today.

    Me: I love you very much
    DD: I only love daddy, not you.

    I didn't react. I think my heart broke. But what about her? How has she been feeling to make her say and act this way?

    What can I do? I try to spend time with her. I tell her I love her all the time. I try to play with her when I can. I need help.


  2. #2
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    Meant to add for the last week she has been saying "stop feeding DS then!" When I ask her if she wants to do anything or tell her I love her. I figure she must be jealous/ feel pushed away??

  3. #3
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    My nearly-3-year-old has been similar recently...we have a new bub.
    Personally, I'd stick with what you're doing, although I know it's really really hard. Let her see that you'll stick by her, love her and want to be with her no matter what she says or does. Think of it as a life lesson....some thing can't go her way. She will feel hurt and upset. You'll always love her though.

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    yadot  (24-07-2015)

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    Whenever my 3.5 year old says things like that - usually we get "im not your friend. Im only daddy's/mummy's/the dog's friend!" We always say "that's ok, I'll always be your friend, no matter what". I'd be inclined to think that she's feeling a bit jealous at the moment, but it will pass. Just keep reassuring her that you'll always love her, no matter what and please don't stop breastfeeding because of this. Who knows if it's the feeding or the actual baby that's causing it all. It's a phase and it will pass. As heart breaking as it is x

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    kbf2plus2  (24-07-2015),yadot  (24-07-2015)

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    Oooohhh no advice but big hugs. I don't know how I will cope when my girls say something like that. Thankfully I'm a solo parent so it limits their love options.

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    yadot  (25-07-2015)

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  10. #7
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    Ouch. You poor thing. No advice just sympathy. Hugs.

  11. #8
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    Can you get an opportunity to spend time alone with her when DH is home with the other kids? Trying to have some regular one on one time might help rebuild your connection. Even just an hour a week of special "Mummy and DD time". Go to the park, get a milkshake. She might be reluctant at first, but persevere. By pushing you away she's saying she's actually really needs connection, I think.

    I wouldn't stop bf your DS for this reason on its own. Maybe when you return from a feed you could say "Right, now we can do something for you. What would you like to play?". Or use his nap time to do stuff she might like. Switch they focus back onto her.

    When she comments that you should stop feeding him, I'd say DS needs mummy's milk right now. What do you need?"

    As for the comments that she doesn't love you. I usually respond two things like this with "Well I'll always love you." That's it. Meet her rejection with an affirmation of your love.

    I hope you get your relationship back on track soon xx

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  13. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bond Girl View Post
    By pushing you away she's saying she's actually really needs connection, I think.
    Oh yes!!! The child who least deserves the love and kindness is often the one who needs it most - I repeat this to myself at work almost daily and it probably fits exactly here as well x

  14. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruby_Tuesday15 View Post
    Whenever my 3.5 year old says things like that - usually we get "im not your friend. Im only daddy's/mummy's/the dog's friend!" We always say "that's ok, I'll always be your friend, no matter what". I'd be inclined to think that she's feeling a bit jealous at the moment, but it will pass. Just keep reassuring her that you'll always love her, no matter what and please don't stop breastfeeding because of this. Who knows if it's the feeding or the actual baby that's causing it all. It's a phase and it will pass. As heart breaking as it is x
    This. I would take this approach and not buy into it. Just keep saying that's ok but i still love you very much. Invent some special jobs that only you and her can do together and nobody else, like cooking or something she is really interested in.

    My ds hated me feeding dd initially but it was just because of the one on one time that he wanted me to give to him too, at the same time of coarse. It's a big adjustment, it sounds like your dd is just reaching out to make sure you still love her (3 yr olds have the weirdest ways of doing this).
    Last edited by Candiceo; 06-08-2015 at 20:10.


 

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