+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19
  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    7,878
    Thanks
    3,397
    Thanked
    5,160
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default My 3.5 year old....

    ... is being a complete turd.

    We are trying to accomodate his feelings upon the new arrival of DD to our family. However, I'm wondering if we are creating an obnoxious child.

    His favourite phrases;

    - go away from me
    - I don't like it
    - no - to everything
    - you're making me sad - when he doesn't get his own way eg: put your shoes away please - I can't im too sad
    - trying to play DH and I off against each other eg: I say no and he starts crying - I want daddy... And vice versa

    His main form of communication is to yell at us and tantrum at anything that he perceives to have not gone his way.

    Help!! We need some strategies which give clear boundaries but also want to be empathetic to the disruption in his life right now but don't want to be taken as suckers.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    313
    Thanks
    354
    Thanked
    117
    Reviews
    2
    Following, incase my 3.5 yo is the same, having no2 in 3 weeks. Hope you get some good coping strategies.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,848
    Thanks
    6,202
    Thanked
    16,895
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    Sounds completely normal to me. Everyone says it's the Terrible Twos but I found the 3's and 4's the worst with DS1.

    We used positive reinforcement and made a big thing of when he was good, we used a sticker chart which we customised with what he was into at the time eg. ninja turtle pictures. When he misbehaved we did the Thinking Corner. Where he was to think about what he had done wrong and what he could have done differently (the latter was more in the 4's)

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (25-07-2015)

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    The Kimberley WA
    Posts
    4,622
    Thanks
    916
    Thanked
    1,180
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    We found ds1 to have behaviour issues when he turned 3 and I think partly it was due to ds2's arrival. We found not making a big fuss of his behaviour and things he said made the episodes less frequent, once he knew he wouldn't get the attention from his bad behaviour. It soon passed.
    Ds2 was totally different, never went through that stage at all and he's 4.5yrs now.
    All kids are different.

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    4,442
    Thanks
    1,242
    Thanked
    1,713
    Reviews
    9
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I've been having a terrible time with my 3.5 yo

    What has worked this week is I bought a cars movie car and had it on the fridge so he could see it and he knew he had to earn it with good behavior and using manners.

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    2,005
    Thanks
    291
    Thanked
    729
    Reviews
    6
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Try praising every tiny thing that he does well and completely ignoring bad behaviour. I think attention is at the root of behavior like this and they don't really recognise a difference between positive and negative attention. The more attention you pay to the good stuff, the more they want to do it.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Ruby_Tuesday15 For This Useful Post:

    VicPark  (24-07-2015)

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    1,106
    Thanks
    455
    Thanked
    455
    Reviews
    14
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    We have just started 123 Magic with our 3 year old & so far it's working. You have to be consistent though. It's basically warnings and time out but the book has some great information. I bought it on eBay.

  10. #8
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    7,878
    Thanks
    3,397
    Thanked
    5,160
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Thanks everyone.
    Sleep deprivation is causing me to catastrophise a bit.

    DH and I had a chat and we both agree we need some household changes. So we are going to;

    - cut back screen time (both DS and us when he's not in bed)
    - a visual schedule for DS night routine - we have been very inconsistent with this
    - a warning then time out process for less desirable behaviour
    - less talk and negotiating, he's 3.5 and he needs more action and less discussion
    - lots of positive talk with an emphasis on kindness

    We have committed to 3 days of real consistency from both of us and then we'll re-evaluate.

  11. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    How is DS's day nap? From my experience with my 3.4 year old day changes in day naps are the root of all evil!

    Maybe give a change in routine 1-2 weeks? Not sure 3 days is long enough.

  12. #10
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    7,878
    Thanks
    3,397
    Thanked
    5,160
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    How is DS's day nap? From my experience with my 3.4 year old day changes in day naps are the root of all evil!

    Maybe give a change in routine 1-2 weeks? Not sure 3 days is long enough.
    Totally agree about 3 days that was just to ensure our own commitment to starting the changes

    He dropped his day nap a few months ago and handled it pretty well. But it's been hectic here with the new baby and then me being back in hospital earlier in the week so we've dropped the routine/consistency ball. I think he's a kid that needs more structure and clearer boundaries.


 

Similar Threads

  1. 5 year old being hurt by 8 year old neighbour during playdate
    By smudgy in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 28-03-2015, 19:29
  2. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 07-03-2015, 19:14
  3. 3 year old doesn't want anything to do with me! :(
    By EmilsMum in forum Discipline & behaviour
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 12-11-2014, 16:32

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Tambo Teddies
Visit our online store and select your individually handmade natural sheepskin teddy bear. Our soft and loveable bears come in a range of styles and colours. Created in Outback Queensland each bear is unique individual. 100% Australian made!
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
The Health Hub & Glowing Expectations
Glowing Expectations is conveniently located at The Health Hub in Darlinghurst. We offer pre & post natal personal training, small group pregnancy exercise classes, flexible mums & bubs sessions, massage, & naturopathy in our air-conditioned studio.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!