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  1. #81
    TheGooch's Avatar
    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stiflers Mom View Post
    Also, I would think very carefully about having an ex at the birth. I regret doing it now and wish I'd had someone emotionally invested in my well being and interested in supporting me, not "just there for the baby" (yes, he actually said that). It was awful.
    I'm really sorry you didn't have the right support xxx

    Op this is great advice.

    The birth isn't about the baby, it's about supporting the mother to deliver the baby.

    That's just my opinion but it is about who will be your biggest support. Who is on your team no matter what.

    This man has already proven he's on his own team.

    It's not about punishing him. Maybe he can be there, in the waiting room and spend time with Bub after the birth

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    My mum will be there too. We will see how that works out, i dont think there will be any conflict but it will be awkward.

    He was in a ****ty mood last night, it just made me think 'god get lost!'

    The last thing i want to deal with is a cranky over grown man child back in the house.

    Eta: I think he is also 'recovering' from being dumped by the woman and now having to deal with all the shame that everyone knows what he did now hes back. What a moron.

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  4. #83
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stiflers Mom View Post
    BDM mediated the naming dispute over my child's surname. She ended up with it hyphenated in alphabetical order. I haven't used her full name for anything other than where legally required (passport).

    You can be 'known as' whatever you like.
    Yep, this is generally what happens. It's all very well for everyone to say "give it your surname", but if he disputes it it'll get hyphenated anyway.

    I wasn't with my DD's father when she was born and FOB was adamant that she would have his surname. I compromised by doing the hyphenated name but I actually hate hyphenated names so I'm going to change it to just his name. I did ask him if he'd consider her having my surname but e said no. I don't like my chances in court so I've conceded defeat and am going with his surname. Another thing to consider for me is that if I ever marry DP I will take his name so I'd end up with a different name to DD anyway, so I've given up caring too much about what anyone thinks.

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    Here is what I think you should do.

    First, tell him to f*** off and find his own place. He forfeited the right to live under the same roof as his child when he cheated on his wife. Don't allow him to be at the birth. He obviously stresses you out. It won't be helpful to you at all and could in fact prevent your labour progressing or cause problems. You need to be totally comfortable. That doesn't mean he can't be in the child's life, but he is not your partner any more so you don't have to allow him those privealges.

    As for the names. You can refuse to allow him a choice, but then he can refuse to sign the forms. The only way around that would be to put "father unknown" on the birth certificate, but he could easily dispute that fairly easily. Not worth the stress IMO. So, if neither of you agree, BDM will pick a name for you, and 99% of the time it will hyphenated as that is the fairest way. So you might as well save everyone the trouble and hyphenate it yourself. It sucks, but there's not much else you can do.

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    Default WWYD- Babys surname

    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    Yep, this is generally what happens. It's all very well for everyone to say "give it your surname", but if he disputes it it'll get hyphenated anyway.

    I wasn't with my DD's father when she was born and FOB was adamant that she would have his surname. I compromised by doing the hyphenated name but I actually hate hyphenated names so I'm going to change it to just his name. I did ask him if he'd consider her having my surname but e said no. I don't like my chances in court so I've conceded defeat and am going with his surname. Another thing to consider for me is that if I ever marry DP I will take his name so I'd end up with a different name to DD anyway, so I've given up caring too much about what anyone thinks.
    Bit off topic but would ex consider giving DD your DPs surname as an 'addition' to his? I'm getting married & ex has agreed to DD having 2 surnames ie. First name Ex surname DF surname (which will so be mine). That way she has both 'family' names .
    Last edited by ChelleBH; 27-07-2015 at 08:38.

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    She dumped him? I've got a bad case of Schadenfeuder reading that Sucks to be him right now.

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    Now we just need you to dump him too and justice has been served

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    She dumped him? I've got a bad case of Schadenfeuder reading that Sucks to be him right now.
    Yep, ran a mile after the text message i sent her..must have realised being a homewrecker wasnt such a great look.. that and he obviously wasnt such a catch after all lol

    I know i should dump him but im such in two minds about the whole thing. Only time will tell i suppose i just want my little man here!

    Btw..today is my due date!

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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    Yep, ran a mile after the text message i sent her..must have realised being a homewrecker wasnt such a great look.. that and he obviously wasnt such a catch after all lol

    I know i should dump him but im such in two minds about the whole thing. Only time will tell i suppose i just want my little man here!

    Btw..today is my due date!
    Woohoo hurry up bubba.

    Nice work on the message

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    Just remember if he starts being the stupid man child while your in labour. Kick him out of the labour room and tell nurses that he can come back after the bub is born or whenever you choose.

    You are the one with all the power in that room. You are the one that needs undivided attention and support.

    I hope you have a empowering wonderful birth with a beautiful healthy happy bubba.

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