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  1. #41
    kiwimum890's Avatar
    kiwimum890 is offline It won't happen overnight, but it will happen!
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    Default WWYD- Babys surname

    Quote Originally Posted by hopeful1986 View Post
    These are not the words of a committed, remorseful man.
    This^^^

    He also wasn't so invested in his family when he was cheating!!!

    I think you should use your surname.

    I also think you should use the new first name YOU like!

    I wouldn't want to have a name that you have chosen together, especially if it doesn't work out later down the track....
    Last edited by kiwimum890; 22-07-2015 at 15:39.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cue View Post
    I disagree with the point about "not letting him share his fathers name". Why is his fathers name more important than his mothers? Why would the child feel like he got the lesser surname? Given the OPs situation, chances are this child will live with his mum full time and see his father in a visitation capacity. His mum will be the primary parent. Her name is just as good as his (if not better in this case)!!

    Also, in my view, when he cheated on the OP he cheated on his son as well. He chose to forfeit equal rights to this baby when he chose to disregard his family and treat his child's mother with such disrespect.
    I never said his fathers name was more important nor did I say he would feel like he got the lesser name, I said the father has every right for his son to have his surname and that I would compromise and hyphenate that way the child has both of their names legally. How this man treats his wife has no bearing on him as a father there are plenty of men out there who are disgraceful husbands but fantastic fathers. Using a child to punish a father for cheating on his mother is not the right thing to do. Punish the father by moving on and making a great life because if he treats women like that he will end up on his own and miserable.

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  4. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angels4me View Post
    I never said his fathers name was more important nor did I say he would feel like he got the lesser name, I said the father has every right for his son to have his surname and that I would compromise and hyphenate that way the child has both of their names legally. How this man treats his wife has no bearing on him as a father there are plenty of men out there who are disgraceful husbands but fantastic fathers. Using a child to punish a father for cheating on his mother is not the right thing to do. Punish the father by moving on and making a great life because if he treats women like that he will end up on his own and miserable.
    I don't understand how this is using the child to punish him. She's not stopping him from being a part of his son's life. It's a name. And if it feels wrong for her to give her son his name, as his mother, she shouldn't have to do that. If she was trying to stop him from spending time with the bub, that would be crossing a line.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Angels4me View Post
    I never said his fathers name was more important nor did I say he would feel like he got the lesser name, I said the father has every right for his son to have his surname and that I would compromise and hyphenate that way the child has both of their names legally. How this man treats his wife has no bearing on him as a father there are plenty of men out there who are disgraceful husbands but fantastic fathers. Using a child to punish a father for cheating on his mother is not the right thing to do. Punish the father by moving on and making a great life because if he treats women like that he will end up on his own and miserable.
    I am sorry he doesn't have the right.

    He is father. That doesn't give him the automatic right to name the child whatever he wants.

    If he was a good father who didn't put his child in danger by stressing out his mother. Potentially giving her a Std etc... than he would have a chance on agreeing on a name that both parents can agree on.

    Since he has made his child life hard by doing this. He now doesn't have any rights to decided anything.

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    Regardless of his treatment of OP (which I have been following and think he is a disgraceful excuse of a man) he has just as much right as the OP to want the child to also have his surname. OP, you want to have the same surname as your child, so surely you understand how he must feel? It would be hard to set aside the resentment, but it is not just your choice, it is his too and he also has to sign off on the paperwork. It's not as simple as just choosing what you want.

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    Angels4me  (22-07-2015)

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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLivesHere View Post
    I am sorry he doesn't have the right.

    He is father. That doesn't give him the automatic right to name the child whatever he wants.

    If he was a good father who didn't put his child in danger by stressing out his mother. Potentially giving her a Std etc... than he would have a chance on agreeing on a name that both parents can agree on.

    Since he has made his child life hard by doing this. He now doesn't have any rights to decided anything.
    As the father he has absolutely every right to have say in everything to do with his child, why should op have more right than him. That child is just as much his as he is hers regardless of the fact he cheated on her. If he doesn't get a say and she does whatever she wants it is punishing him for cheating. Before he cheated he had a say in everything did he not and op even said they had decided on a name together so he cheats and all of a sudden he isn't allowed a say, how is that not using his son to punish him. Why do his rights as a father change because he cheated on his wife? If a woman cheats on her husband is she no longer entitled to a say with decisions in regards to their child? Does being a sh1t wife make her a sh1t mother who deserves to no longer get a say, I think not.

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    Default WWYD- Babys surname

    Double post

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    I dont see it as a punishment, i feel so strongly about having the same name as my son-and he feels the same understandably. Its more that I dont like the logistics of a hyphenated name, and i dont like the sounds of our names together, its a mouthful. They look ridiculous together. I will be the primary caregiver if this all goes to poo and i (maybe selfishly) dont want to be reminded every time i write my sons name of this horrible time ive gone through to have him...

    Today he said lets hyphenate it then drop yours if we work things out, or you change your name now to the same as mine! As if im going to change my name to his without getting married just to suit him! He said well we arnt going to know if we will end up married in the future in 5 days. I KNOW THAT GAHHH

    He is also refusing to use the first name i have chosen so i have said that i will compromise and decide on a new name together, i wont use the old one. So basically my decision has totally gone out the window...

    Trust me, i dont want to do this to punish him. If anything i am the pathetic one that wants to be back together! Which worries me to as he has admitted to being good at telling me what i want to hear=recipe for disaster, i know.

    Only time will tell. For now apparently we are not 'seperated' until i dont want him there, but right now we are just not 'romantic'. What if i want to move on and see other people!? Im sure i wont feel like it for a while but its still on my mind

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    He also knew that he could just take me to court over his surname anyway...so i had that thrown in my face pretty quickly

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    This person is manipulating you. He's also really good at it. He gives you a little and then takes, takes, takes.

    Please look after yourself x

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