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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by misho View Post
    I don't mean to sound harsh, truly I don't..

    But it kinda does sound like you're letting him do this to you

    He wanted to move in and so you've said yes, he wants to be at the birth and you've said yes... And now he wants the name his way as well...

    Be strong, you can do this!

    Don't let him walk all over you ESPECIALLY if you're holding out for a possible reconciliation...

    If he wants you back, make him work for it. Don't just give in to him, on the hope that he'll just wake up and say he wants you back.

    If you decide to choose his surname for the child, then do it because it's best for the child and not because you're scared to tick him off.

    Hugs xxx

    The baby will change your life, trust me. Don't make any decisions until it's born but please don't allow him to have authority to lodge paperwork or what not without your knowledge.
    I completely agree with this. I know you're scared hun, but you do have a choice in all of this.

    I hope he hasn't been trying to tell you that you can't do this on your own and that you need him etc. Because you are strong and you CAN do this on your own. Don't let him or anyone else tell you any different. You weren't going to have him at the birth or move back etc but now you are and I'm just hoping it's because he's giving you positive reasons to do so, not giving you the negative reasons why it would be bad if he wasn't there for the birth or living with you.

    Has he broken up with the mistress?

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  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    I completely agree with this. I know you're scared hun, but you do have a choice in all of this.

    I hope he hasn't been trying to tell you that you can't do this on your own and that you need him etc. Because you are strong and you CAN do this on your own. Don't let him or anyone else tell you any different. You weren't going to have him at the birth or move back etc but now you are and I'm just hoping it's because he's giving you positive reasons to do so, not giving you the negative reasons why it would be bad if he wasn't there for the birth or living with you.

    Has he broken up with the mistress?
    He is saying the only thing he knows is he needs to be here to support me and the baby. They apparently aren't talking anymore, but who knows.

    He has made it pretty clear he is only here right now because of the baby and any relationship between us needs to come back naturally not forced... so i dont feel very positive about it.

    I wanted him at the birth as i felt that he needed to be a part of that for his son and i felt i did need him but seeing as though we are like strangers now its like having some random man off the street come in.

    Urgh i am so confused! I just wish there wasn't a child involved so i could move on.

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  5. #33
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    Misho does have a point. OP, I think in the long term you are better off without him. I feel like you're desperately trying to hold onto the hope that you will be able to have the family you pictured, but hon, maybe it's time you draw a new and better picture...just because it may feel hard now, doesn't mean it will feel like that forever.

    You have my support either way, but I think deep down you know what's best xx.

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  7. #34
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    I would leave it your name. And if later on down the track things work out, fine so be it you can change it. But right now he's being ridiculous.

    You need to be strong. Did you contact the counsellors etc to help you ?

  8. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    He is saying the only thing he knows is he needs to be here to support me and the baby. They apparently aren't talking anymore, but who knows.

    He has made it pretty clear he is only here right now because of the baby and any relationship between us needs to come back naturally not forced... so i dont feel very positive about it.

    I wanted him at the birth as i felt that he needed to be a part of that for his son and i felt i did need him but seeing as though we are like strangers now its like having some random man off the street come in.

    Urgh i am so confused! I just wish there wasn't a child involved so i could move on.
    Oh Hun, that's noble if you about the birth but are you sure he's just saying all the right things to weasel his way into the birthing suite and to get his name all sorted on the birth certificate then bugger off?

    Sorry I don't mean to be negative Nancy or confuse you any more, but I really hope he's doing these thing for the right reasons.

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  10. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Oh Hun, that's noble if you about the birth but are you sure he's just saying all the right things to weasel his way into the birthing suite and to get his name all sorted on the birth certificate then bugger off?

    Sorry I don't mean to be negative Nancy or confuse you any more, but I really hope he's doing these thing for the right reasons.
    I know. Hes talking about living here long term as in at least a year. He says he is invested as a family and doesnt think of himself as single. Would have been nice if he did that 4 months ago!

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  12. #37
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    Default WWYD- Babys surname

    This guy has acted like lowlife scum while you were together, cheated on you when you are carrying his child, shown no remorse and now continues to act like a jerk even after HE has ruined everything!

    You strike me as a reasonably strong person, yet you continue to let him walk all over you .

    I know you're hoping he will wake up to himself, but honestly having a baby is likely to just make things worse between you. You will feel even more hopeless and powerless against him.

    The only way you have any hope of making him change the way he treats you - is if you demand it and give him NOTHING unless he earns it. It's like training a dog (I'm sorry but it's true). The more power you give him, the less he will respect you. You have to empower yourself first, otherwise you're doomed to be his hostage in the meantime.

    Please get some help and wake up to reality, I'm sure deep down you know this, and I know it's so hard to do but you owe it to yourself and your bub xx
    Last edited by Mumsical; 22-07-2015 at 15:28.

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  14. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angels4me View Post
    I agree with this. He is your sons father, he is an absolute sh1t husband but that doesn't mean he will be a sh1t father and he has every right as his father for his son to have his name. I would compromise and hyphenate, you don't always have to use both names except on legal stuff. I felt very strongly about my son having my last name but so did his father which is understandable so my sons surname is hyphenated. I would pick a new first name but also involve his father in that choice. Imagine someone telling you you had no choice in your sons name, it would be awful. Whilst he may deserve many things for the things he has put you through I don't believe he deserves to have no say in things to do with his son. Always remember your son will be old enough one day to understand things and will ask questions, what will you tell him your reason is for not letting him share his fathers name. I hope you can both come to a compromise for your sons sake.. Good luck OP
    This

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  16. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    I know. Hes talking about living here long term as in at least a year. He says he is invested as a family and doesnt think of himself as single. Would have been nice if he did that 4 months ago!
    These are not the words of a committed, remorseful man.

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  18. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cue View Post
    Also, in my view, when he cheated on the OP he cheated on his son as well. He chose to forfeit equal rights to this baby when he chose to disregard his family and treat his child's mother with such disrespect.
    I disagree.
    I'm the daughter of a man that was and still is a very questionable husband. Didn't treat my mum with the respect she deserved.

    He cheated on her repeatedly. However he never cheated on me! It's not like he went and picked another daughter over me? He still cared and looked after me and my brothers.

    Anyway I guess my point is that he still has a chance of being a good father.

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