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  1. #21
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    I don't see why your DS would really question it to be honest. It's his mums name, it happens a lot.

    So you let him stay in the house with you? I think he needs to leave, while he's there you are going to be constantly on edge, and he will not let up on the pressure.

    If you intend to let him stay I would make a deal. He can stay in the house to be with his son but you get the naming rights. Maybe put a time limit on it. If he wants his last name used then he has to move out.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    This is what annoys me, i will end up being the bad guy no matter what. I cant possibly tell him his Dad cheated on Mum whilst pregnant and totally screwed up our whole life.
    Do you think it would be that big of a deal to your son, though? I would think as long as their parents love him it wouldn't be an issue. Family dynamics these days vary so much.

  4. #23
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    I agree with the two surnames just not hyphenated and put which ever name sounds better as a middle name and just one surname as the surname.

    That way you're both represented, because to be honest I can't see him becoming a loving husband and father just because you add his name but at least he's represented and you can be the bigger person. Then when he flits off again and your DS asks about him later in life you can tell him you did the 'right' thing which will be a good lesson for him.

    Also you can then use it as ammunition next time he wants something you don't, you can tell him he has to compromise just like you did. If he's not willing to, then you will know he will always be all about him and not compromising with you.

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    I admire your strength through this whole ordeal. Please keep in mind that him living with you is a PRIVILEGE for him and he should be made fully aware of that.

  6. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angels4me View Post
    I agree with this. He is your sons father, he is an absolute sh1t husband but that doesn't mean he will be a sh1t father and he has every right as his father for his son to have his name. I would compromise and hyphenate, you don't always have to use both names except on legal stuff. I felt very strongly about my son having my last name but so did his father which is understandable so my sons surname is hyphenated. I would pick a new first name but also involve his father in that choice. Imagine someone telling you you had no choice in your sons name, it would be awful. Whilst he may deserve many things for the things he has put you through I don't believe he deserves to have no say in things to do with his son. Always remember your son will be old enough one day to understand things and will ask questions, what will you tell him your reason is for not letting him share his fathers name. I hope you can both come to a compromise for your sons sake.. Good luck OP
    I disagree with the point about "not letting him share his fathers name". Why is his fathers name more important than his mothers? Why would the child feel like he got the lesser surname? Given the OPs situation, chances are this child will live with his mum full time and see his father in a visitation capacity. His mum will be the primary parent. Her name is just as good as his (if not better in this case)!!

    Also, in my view, when he cheated on the OP he cheated on his son as well. He chose to forfeit equal rights to this baby when he chose to disregard his family and treat his child's mother with such disrespect.

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  8. #26
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    it was my first child I would hyphenate the last name for sure, you dont have to use both just put your last name as the second hyphened one and write it as a singular,

    ex if its bob smith-brown you can just write bob smith except on legal documents I believe?

    the ex had no say in what my second was called, I did it all alone so I named him but I made sure ex didnt absolutely hate it though

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    Your name!

    However both parents have to sign the birth registration paperwork and I'm not sure what happens when the parents disagree about the name..?
    if the parents refuse to sign off it goes to court, a judge will use both alphabetically so if OP thinks it'll end up in court use both last names and put hers last that was her child is technically x opslastname instead of x opexsname

  10. #28
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    I have changed a child's surname legally and it was a drama (child was aged 5 years).

    If I had my time over I would have used my surname from the beginning.

    Bare in mind changing baby's surname later if you marry will still require bio father's signature, even if bub has your surname. If bio's name is on the birth cert as the father, he gets a say. Best of luck xX

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nemmi1987 View Post
    it was my first child I would hyphenate the last name for sure, you dont have to use both just put your last name as the second hyphened one and write it as a singular,

    ex if its bob smith-brown you can just write bob smith except on legal documents I believe?

    the ex had no say in what my second was called, I did it all alone so I named him but I made sure ex didnt absolutely hate it though
    My DH 's family name is hyphenated. He HATED it. It makes more sense IMO to use the mother's surname first if you are going to hyphenate, and just drop the second name (bio's surname)

  12. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by heplusme View Post
    I hate that he has just walked back in and is now trying to call the shots with me. I feel like im being held hostage
    I don't mean to sound harsh, truly I don't..

    But it kinda does sound like you're letting him do this to you

    He wanted to move in and so you've said yes, he wants to be at the birth and you've said yes... And now he wants the name his way as well...

    Be strong, you can do this!

    Don't let him walk all over you ESPECIALLY if you're holding out for a possible reconciliation...

    If he wants you back, make him work for it. Don't just give in to him, on the hope that he'll just wake up and say he wants you back.

    If you decide to choose his surname for the child, then do it because it's best for the child and not because you're scared to tick him off.

    Hugs xxx

    The baby will change your life, trust me. Don't make any decisions until it's born but please don't allow him to have authority to lodge paperwork or what not without your knowledge.

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